View Full Version : Time Passing By and Fear of Failure *Triggers*
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Selena, you had those bumps checked out and you were told there was nothing to worry about.
Perhaps you should see your doctor again, but this time explain how anxious you are about it?
There is such a thing as 'Health Anxiety', here is some info about it: https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help-now/anxietyinformation/anxiety-disorders/health-anxiety/
I am not a doctor or medically trained so its something you need to discuss with a professional.
I have not done all necessary analysis.
And there is something more, actually a little bleeding and I'm really worried....
Have you been to see your dr? IF not then get an appointment asap.
OldMike
04-12-15, 12:09 AM
I have not done all necessary analysis.
And there is something more, actually a little bleeding and I'm really worried....
Selena please see a doctor ASAP as any unexplained bleeding needs sorting right away.
Hunni, where's the bleeding from? And how much?
I think rectal, and the most tragic is that there is no apparent cause, I've never had any kind of anal intercourse or disorder, and in the end I've found on web info about bowel cancer connected to this kind of disorder. It has not been much but enough to worry and I'm really worried...Today and yesterday I didn't have any problems, but...
Somewhere I read about stress connected things.
Today I've had a ' crazy' client, who wanted just to argue about nothing and wanted not to pay anything. At the end she has said that she does not like policy of company and will continue to argue. And my boss will eat me out without any reason. I'm tired of everything, and have to finish a very serious translation of medical site, but I won't manage to do it right by next week, it's too short period.
That could be something as common and easily treatable as hemorrhoids (piles).
Please see your doctor but its very unlikely to be cancer.
I'll try to overcome my fears and get an appointment with a doctor.
And stress...if only I find the way not to get easily hurt by others.
Definitely see your Dr. I'm sure it's nothing serious x
You are imagining the absolute worst, knowing the truth must be better than seeing the doctor? It could be nothing serious at all...
In my family history there are cancer cases, although a few.
In my family history there are cancer cases, although a few.
Probably in most families there's cancer. My aunt had bowel cancer with secondaries (and survived). I spoke to a bowel cancer nurse and she said that, even though I'm overweight, my chances of having bowel cancer even with family history was slim.
Is the blood bright red or dark red?
That's a good sign apparently - see your dr, but don't worry
Ok, and besides I don't know how to learn not to get by other people.
On dating site these guys are ok, but they are not psychologists to listen everything.
Dating thing again. I need some advice.
Some weeks ago I met on an international dating site - an apparently nice guy. I was due to make a short working trip to his country, but it was later postponed by my boss. He was very excited by first news, but then got cold. He asked if I could come by myself, I can't and he said that he would have paid ticket price for me, around 300 Euros, but now it's too much for him. He worked some years ago in France and assured that he could receive working visa again and have a family. I don't understand his point of view anymore.
Now I don't have much desire to talk to him on skype, he seems cold. Is it too difficult for a young man to visit a woman he likes?
He seems distant and barely replies to my messages on dating site.
Samantha340
05-12-15, 10:38 PM
Just from reading your last post I would say stay away. It doesn't sound right to me. Have you talked to him on the phone or so? Where is he located? How long have you been in contact?
No, not yet, only on dating site. Tunisia. About 3 weeks.
Jaquaia
05-12-15, 11:09 PM
I would stay away. Something doesn't sound right there.
I am currently starting something with a Greek guy. We met online, we hit it off and there seems to be a special connection between us. We message every day, we video chat everyday, sometimes a few times a day. We talk about everything, books, music, films, art, and we have a lot in common. I tell him about my life and he tells me about his. We ask each other questions, wanting to know more about each other. And although we both really want to meet in person he is not pressuring me and is willing to be patient until he can come here as he thinks I'm worth waiting for. I think that's what it should be like. The way he seems to be pressuring you and then getting moody because you don't give in sounds very dodgy! There must be something warning you if you don't really want to talk with him on skype. Trust your instinct.
I would stay away. Something doesn't sound right there.
I am currently starting something with a Greek guy. We met online, we hit it off and there seems to be a special connection between us. We message every day, we video chat everyday, sometimes a few times a day. We talk about everything, books, music, films, art, and we have a lot in common. I tell him about my life and he tells me about his. We ask each other questions, wanting to know more about each other. And although we both really want to meet in person he is not pressuring me and is willing to be patient until he can come here as he thinks I'm worth waiting for. I think that's what it should be like. The way he seems to be pressuring you and then getting moody because you don't give in sounds very dodgy! There must be something warning you if you don't really want to talk with him on skype. Trust your instinct.
Thank you.
May I ask you, if you do not mind, how much time has been passed before you start speaking on camera?
Jaquaia
05-12-15, 11:23 PM
We started speaking on camera within a few days. He's a very clever guy and he intrigued me. He sometimes finds it easier as he sometimes struggles with english and I find it lets me read his face so I can see if he's lying or not.
OldMike
05-12-15, 11:38 PM
We started speaking on camera within a few days. He's a very clever guy and he intrigued me. He sometimes finds it easier as he sometimes struggles with english and I find it lets me read his face so I can see if he's lying or not.
Sorry to butt in Jaquaia but can you really tell if someone's lying just by looking at them?
As for dating sites being single and 68 years old all I can add is be very careful.
Jaquaia
05-12-15, 11:43 PM
I believe that you can. Some people are very good liars but some give themselves away. I'm a terrible liar, everyone can tell I'm lying just by looking at me. You have certain tells.
And I'm always careful. I've been treated appallingly in the past so never really trust anyone straight away.
OldMike
05-12-15, 11:45 PM
I believe that you can. Some people are very good liars but some give themselves away. I'm a terrible liar, everyone can tell I'm lying just by looking at me. You have certain tells.
And I'm always careful. I've been treated appallingly in the past so never really trust anyone straight away.
I was thinking about tells, you're probably more perceptive than me.
I think you can too ;)
Selena - I don't think anyone should ever pressure someone into doing something they aren't comfortable with.
Yes, I've told him that he should be more patient.
The thing is that I become soon attached with a man I like, although I'm trying not to show my real feelings.
Jaquaia
06-12-15, 01:08 PM
I think whenever you liike someone there is always an element of attachment there. You will know what feels right to you. If you don't have any desire to skype with this guy then he is definitely not right.
Do you want to skype him?
Then do it. If it's something that you really want to do then you should do it.
Yes, thanks for advice.
Now for me the most difficult is work. My boss wants me to do everything and on time. About two weeks ago she gave me a serious medical translation to do in two weeks ( 39 pages!). Meantime I haven't worked last holidays because I got really tired. In working hours I have been given other little translations that took my time and also my duties of office manager. I can't cope with everything!
The last week two quick translations made by other translators were on the point to be rejected. The boss got it, but I'm afraid she put pressure on me again to finish it by next week.
And also on last Friday I had a terrible ' little crazy' client who wants everyone to be her servant.
And I really don't know how to cope with everything, I'm getting too anxious and, sincerely, I don't want to work home systematically as I barely get some rest.
Trust your gut instinct Selena. If something seems wrong or makes you feel uncomfortable, he is not the man for you.
When its the right guy, you won't even need to ask our opinion, you will just know!
Anyone talking about marriage and babies and meeting up (from a different country) in the first messages is to be avoided, in my opinion.
You need to address this issue with your boss. You shouldn't be expected to work every evening and weekend.
The thing is that I don't understand his behaviour anymore. He was waiting for me to come, later when he found out that I would not come he became cold and distant. He barely replies to my messages and I don't know what to think. I asked him about the reason, he said he is not in the mood.
Then leave it, he doesn't sound very nice. Its not your fault the work trip fell through. Besides, the way your boss is, its unlikely you'd get a chance to socialise anyway!
My 'guy' has apparently disappeared, probably no interest, because no sex or money from my part, like some women on other forum said.
Maybe it's better.
OldMike
08-12-15, 06:59 PM
My 'guy' has apparently disappeared, probably no interest, because no sex or money from my part, like some women on other forum said.
Maybe it's better.
Hi Selena if this guy was only interested in sex or money then you're better without him.
I think it's for the best. What can you do in your local area to meet new people?
Maybe go to a club, but if only I have some free time...
I know you're right, however sometimes this stupid thought comes to my mind " What have I done wrong?"
But he was not right either, he wanted that I would come to his country, not him to mine.
Definitely nothing you've done. Maybe you are hanging around the wrong places to meet people lovely...
I'll continue with online dating, but will to take it easier, like a fun.
I'm again anxious with my work, I've told my boss earlier that I will finish a serious translation in 3 weeks, what if she puts pressure on me tomorrow?
If you can't do it all in the time at work then you are being given too much to do lovely..
I don't remember the last time I saw a movie or tv show, or simply read a book.
OldMike
10-12-15, 08:08 PM
The only shows I watch on TV are quiz shows. sometimes if there's a mystery series on the afternoon I'll watch that.
Yes, but I'm so fed up of my work...although I actually liked it.
Are you perhaps fed up with the quantity? You seem to be doing way more hours than you are paid for....
You've got to talk to the boss Selena. Its not fair on you.
It's really difficult to takl to her, but I should give it a try again.
You need to talk to them or you could put in a bill for her to pay you the extra hours you work too! lol
I'm actually very nervous and hope to get safe until Christmas. My boss had some pretentions to me again and I'm beginning to be afraid of getting publicly offended by her, as I'm too fragile to cope with everything in presence of other people.
I want to keep my emotional mood safe so I've decided not to come this week's working reunion.
I've had a big translation to do, she has given other work and also my duties of manager, so I can't cope with 40 pages in two weeks. I have to translate 14 more pages, I'll get anxious if she hurries me, I get client's need but I've told her sincerely that I can't cope with everything by myself.
Did you say to her 'This is too much work'?
Yes, she said that she gets but I should anyway hurry up.
What else? Today has been to church and put candle for everyone. Your words have given to me a great support.
It was hard for me to get out because I was not in the mood, but I did it.
You're doing brilliantly lovely...
Thanks, Suzi, but God help me to resist, I can't anymore!
I'm feeling so lonely and low, nobody even cares how I'm feeling...but that's just life, sometimes people around us can be indifferent ( not simply busy).
When I see slender women without being on diet, I just wonder how such perfect methabolism can exist.
And, yes, Suzy, your words about trying to accept have been really helping me...
Feeling Christmas spirit and hope my work will be accepted like previous ones...
I want to communicate on skype with somebody there, but can't really trust anyone.
Jaquaia
17-12-15, 02:48 AM
(panda)
I'm another one who cares (bear).
April_is_beautiful
17-12-15, 11:09 AM
Hi Selena, just read all of your thread. Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Your boss actually sounds like a psychopath/someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
Thank you for kind words, to all of you.
Actually I'm a little anxious because tomorrow is the deadline - I should send an important work, 40 pages of medical text done in 3 weeks. My boss wanted me to do it faster but I couldn't because I neeeded some rest, and besides she has given me additional work that had taken my time. Now I'm afraid of quality etc.
And the last, I was told that on the site there is female corner. If that's so, Suzi could you please add me to it?
OldMike
17-12-15, 08:21 PM
Hi Selena, in the "Forum Updates and Help" section there's a "Private Sections" post with a list of the private sections, just PM Suzi with which one you want to join and she'll add you.
I've just added you to that group Selena. There is a "role call thread" where you need to sign in to say you have access to the group please.
I've handed my translation today, and I can easily breathe.
Now I should stand up not to get any work on Christmas.
Ups, I can't find Private ladies section here.
Like I've mentioned before, I really wanted to chat with someone on friendly basys on skype. But I want to know someone better before I do this step.
1. The man I've been interested in for some time didn't answer and probably block every young woman without even looking at her profile.
2. The other one asked me directly to sleep with him.
3. The third one is not bad and calm, I get his frustration that he wants to see more photos of mine. And I really want to talk to him on skype. But sometimes when he's online he does not reply so fast and then tells me it was just connection, he was busy and he replies at last. Should I tell him about my feelings?
4. The fourt said that his religion is correct.
There are others, but that just does not matter.
April_is_beautiful
19-12-15, 11:09 AM
Hi Selena, I'm a seasoned online dating website user and have concluded that although it's supposed to make meeting people easier (it does in a way) it is not an answer to finding a relationship/marriage because the guys on there are mostly misrepresenting themselves and putting things on their profile that they think women want to hear.
I met a guy for a few dates in 2007 and we chatted over the phone for ages and he was really sweet. Said he was 32 and 5'8" but this turned out not to be true and there's a whole story around this but would take too long to type out. Anyway, I went on a website recently and to my horror I was matched with him again and lo, apparently he was still 32 after all these years. What a miracle! I blocked him and left the website. I'd say about 5% of those I met were compatible but though I tried I just didn't have any chemistry with them. I know people who met their husbands online and I honestly don't know how they did it so it can be possible.
I've now joined a more niche website which seems to be a bit better though the people that seem to be OK are not in my geographical area which will make things difficult. I also date under a different name and have a separate pay as you go number as I've had stalkers in the past.
I met my previous partner through a professional dating agency which was expensive but on the whole I did get a better kind of man through it. However, I've found it was the same pattern repeating itself that the guy puts a mask on and basically 'acts' to get what he wants. If I'm honest with myself I probably did get some red flags but felt the other nice stuff at the time balanced it out. I am apparently what is classed as 'attractive' and tend to attract men with some level of narcisstic personality disorder as I'm probably a trophy for them. I'm a bit wiser to it now and know what to look for on profiles to avoid them. Often their profile will read like a resume of achievements and they'll seem perfect, I avoid financially successful men now. I also ask questions like "when was the last time you made a mistake?" as a narcissist has a hard time answering that question as it challenges his or her perfect self-image.
My piece of advice for myself and for others would be to be really strict with your boundaries. If someone is being pushy for an outcome, thinks they are "right" or just does something which doesn't sit quite right then LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION.
I'll listen to it but I'm a little tired of online dating, although I would want so much to give it a try on skype.
But I want to know the man better before I give him my FB.
April_is_beautiful
20-12-15, 06:18 PM
I'll listen to it but I'm a little tired of online dating, although I would want so much to give it a try on skype.
But I want to know the man better before I give him my FB.
I've been reading Evan Marckatz's blog recently. He has a really positive attitude to online dating. I don't agree with everything he says but I've definitely had some insights.
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/
Today has been apparently good day.
Talked to a woman who was angry with my boss. But this discussion hasn't brought anything, it really hurt my feelings. She told me something about her life and she kept on saying that other people deserve the worst and should be punished by God. She knows nothing about me, but the idea of 'meritology' has hurt some of my old wounds.
I'm not surprised you are hurt.. I'm sad that she felt it was OK to do that..
There's a thing that's getting on my nerves.
There's an apparently nice guy on dating. I understand that he wants more photos and skype, but I can't understand why after starting our discussion, he simply vanishes and does his thing without answering or at least saying 'good bye'. Maybe I'm not right and want them to be too perfect.
April_is_beautiful
23-12-15, 05:45 AM
That's called 'ghosting' when people cease communication in the hope you will go away because they are incapable of /unwilling to be straight with you. It's a sad fact of our modern culture.
Also, there's too much choice on the big dating sites, people just move onto the next person as they are always on the look out for 'something better' 'more convenient'. I think many people also have unrealistic expectations. I got chatting with a guy once, he seemed really interested then he found out I lived south of the city and he was in the north part of the city. He was unwilling to travel say 20 minutes to meet me. It's like he didn't want to put any effort in and expected me just to rock up in a négligée on his doorstep. :(:
There's a thing that's getting on my nerves.
There's an apparently nice guy on dating. I understand that he wants more photos and skype, but I can't understand why after starting our discussion, he simply vanishes and does his thing without answering or at least saying 'good bye'. Maybe I'm not right and want them to be too perfect.
You are right, lovely, if nothing else it's simple manners. You matter, and he should treat you like you matter (bear)
Then sweetheart move on from him. He's not good enough for you.
Thank you to all, it really helped me.
Just a question: if I really want to try to communicate on skype, should I do it? I mean he has maybe lost any interest and I'm becoming too insistent.
And once again, should I tell this kind of guy directly that he has to respect a little of my schedule?
If you want to then yes. But not if you don't want to.
Yes this man should respect your schedule!
And how should I tell someone I more or less like that I'm ready to talk on skype?
Lol, what kind of stupidities I'm writing, but that's it...
It's not stupidity at all!
Just tell them!
Don't let anyone push you into something you don't want to do Selena. I always say that the right relationship just feels right.
If only I'll be more confident and tell them directly some things.
Also a simple situation: I used to chat with a man on dating site, he seemed nice. Then he lost a lttle interest when I said I need some time. I get he wants more photos of me and skype, but I don't get his way of vanishing either.
Should I tell him about this?
If you are still talking, then hopefully the relationship and trust should grow between you and you can talk about anything eventually.
If you haven't heard anything from him for a while, then I would leave it, or just send a simple message saying hi, maybe?
I am a bit concerned about the relationships you are forming, they seem to be very fast, formal..? I am not sure, just something doesn't seem right.
I've met guys online, connected through chatting, and then agreed to meet (or not!!!!) But it was all quite informal, fun and natural.
Yes, Rose, that's right.
No, we more or less contact. The thing is that is really difficult to build a relation with a person of different religion.
He says he is tolerant but he simply understands only his philosophy and values.
If your religion is important to you, then its very important your future partner respects your religious beliefs.
I am Church Of England (Protestant) and my boyfriend is Catholic. We sometimes tease each other that the other isn't the 'real faith' but its all in jest. We are both proud to be Christian, and proud to be the type of Christian that we are.
I don't think its an intolerant view to want your partner to be the same religion, if religion is important to you. After all, if you marry you may want to marry in church, and how you bring up your children would be effected too.
I honestly think that meeting people who live close to you, so you can date without pressure, and spend time getting to know each other in real life, is the best way. But that is just my opinion.
I wish I would be back in Latvia now...And yes, sometimes cultural differences have a great role.
When both are Christians it's ok, but if he comes from totally different background then it's even more difficult.
Do you mind me asking, if you are not in Latvia, where you are living now?
Ukraine (mostly), closer to Romania, but I'm feeling here worse than in Latvia.
It's Christmas here and I don't want to break special spirit.
But I got really upset after yesterday's discussion on dating site.
He told me about a specific holiday.
Me:In two days we ( not him, Christians) will celebrate Christmas. ( I've explained that in christianity Jesus is God's son and even God).
He: Yes, but he can't be your God. God is only one.
Me: ( I've explained that in christianity he is considered God's son).
He: I respect other religions. But he can't be his son, as God cannot have any children.
Me: Have you read Bible?
He: I've entered some churches but I don't know what Bible is. ( does he really?)
I got upset because he imposes in a way his view. Am I right?
He disappeared ( like he did some times). I've said that I doubt that it could be something more than friendship between people of two different religions, not denominations. In the morning I've received his message. he apologized and wrote that everything is possible if people get to have a friendly agreement.
I don't get why he can't hear and properly respect my opinion.
Maybe he doesn't know, but he doesn't seem to listen to you....
Actually he wished me Merry Christmas, but who knows...
I really don't know why I have attracted these guys and sometimes I really hesitate.
You need more faith and love for yourself lovely. You are such a wonderful person. You deserve to be treated like a princess.
Tomorrow is difficult day for me, my boss wants to see all at New Year party that will be held in the evening and I'm afraid I can't refuse it.
Why do you want to refuse it?
Because of my sociophobia. But I won't refuse, unfortunately I have no choice.
Go for a bit, it might be fun. :)
OldMike
29-12-15, 10:56 PM
Go for a bit, it might be fun. :)
I agree with Rose, it should be fun, just be careful what you drink.
Go, even if it's tough. You can leave whenever it gets too much, at least then you can say you tried
I completely agree, go and see how things are.
I went to the party, it was hard but I had enough patience to resist. When it got late I went home.
Many of the girls are just interested in superficial stuff and nothing serious to discuss. I sit next to my boss and other colleague. It was not easy and refused to drink whiskey and vodaka. Just some champagne, and already had headache.
All these people are normal, while I am a little wild isolated depressive woman, although they may not know it.
To be fair to your colleagues, I'm not sure I ever discussed serious stuff at parties ;)
Hunni, there is no normal. Everyone is different, with different issues, different upbringings etc. No one who doesn't know me would believe my mental health is literally a battle every day to manage, that I'm constantly covering up my tremors and that my confidence and bubbly nature is often put on. Your colleagues don't know you suffer with depression, as you don't know if they have problems - mental or physical. Please don't feel you're the only one .....
OldMike
31-12-15, 01:08 AM
...
All these people are normal, while I am a little wild isolated depressive woman, although they may not know it.
Normality is an illusion, you rarely see people as they truly are. I've often looked at other people and thought wish I had their life and not mine, the reality is probably something completely different their lives may not be as brilliant and exciting as it appears to be to an outsider.
How are you today, lovely?
Paula and Mike are right. I think if you met anyone of us here at a party it would all be "small talk" and nothing serious and that we'd all come across completely differently to how we do here where we are safe to be open and honest about how we really feel.
It's about faking it till you make it in some situations..
Thank you for your kind words.
I'm fine. Just feeling these lumps and very worried, just don't know what to think.
When did you last see your Dr about the lumps?
It was about more than month ago, I think the next step is to make an oncological check up but I'm too much scared.
It was about more than month ago, I think the next step is to make an oncological check up but I'm too much scared.
Hunni, I'm sure you've mentioned before they come and go. If it was a tumour, it is highly unlikely it would go down. What did your dr say?
Didn't the GP say there is nothing to worry about? What do you think the lumps are?
But you don't know that it's bad news. Even if it is - chances are it isn't - then at least you can deal with it.
I know how scary it is, I've had (and still got) issues with my breasts too so I do understand, and that's why I say that it's better to know rather than worry yourself stupid.
Yes, but he considered such an appointment. Generally he thinks that it could be something in connection with my hormonal problems, concretely thyroid.
I've forgotten to mention I've had an appointment at two specialists and the one still considers such a check-up.
Then make the decision to get it checked out lovely.
Today I've heard an unpleasant news, more exactly tragic news. A nice lady I know who was pregnant with her second child, a longtime desired girl, lost her baby just before birth. And doctors could be to blame in this case. She had cramps and went to local hospital. When she arrived doctor left hospital, said the baby is ok and they put her sign some document that in case baby dies they won't be responsible.
Tomorrow she will have induced labour, she does not cry but is very shocked. She keeps on saying that she is cal and trying to have other baby again. She is so courageous! I can't have words to tell her...
A woman told her that it would be better to see and hold her little baby girl after birth, but I'm afraid that will break her...
OldMike
03-01-16, 08:32 PM
I'm really sorry to hear such sad news Selena, it must be heartbreaking for the mother.
She desperately wants to see her baby but I'm afraid she will get ill after this. She has a 4-year old boy.
My parents lost my sister. This was in 1978 and they weren't even allowed to look at her - the body was whisked away. They have never got over not being able to hold her and see who she was. I think mothers need to hold their babies, whatever the circumstances
I think she should hold the baby, otherwise she will always be left wondering. Also name the baby and have a funeral.
It makes me so angry that its possible this could have been avoided.
I'm sorry for your friend, it's a horrible thing for anyone to go through. But yes, it is now advised that she gets to hold her baby and say goodbye..
I'm really sorry for her. Yes, she held her baby. She struggles not to get into depression for the sake of her son but I know she barely finds strength to go further.
She was induced yesterday late night. However there are serious symptoms, mainly losing a lot of blood.
And they decided to make medical expertise in order to find out the exact cause of baby's death.
I've had such a hard day. My manipulative boss "spat" in my soul again. We've had working meeting, how I hate this kind of reunions! From time to time she misreats and criticizes nearly everyone withoit any ground.
Three months ago a woman liked my sample of translation and appreciated according to her " my artistic way of expressing feeling and making words nice". It really made me fly. But my boss didn't appreciate my work neither financially nor other way. I've worked hard and translated this work and other serious translations in rather short term. Do not forget that I have additional obligations of office manager.
Now the boss wanted me to translate text into English and French in two weeks nearly without sleeping and with all obligations ahead! I refused because it's beyond my forces with all my health problems and she criticized me that I translated serious stuff in 3 weeks!
There are no other variants yet, infortunately. I feel suffocated because of all this and my lumps.
I've told myself that I must resist until the moment I take official exams to become sworn translator. But is there any reason, because I'm thinking of continue my life in other country?
I could have avoided if not prpblems with my father, but that's another topic...
How should I stand up to her when she insists that I should translate super fast ( even if it's superficial) and should be editor of 5 foreign languages?!
Sorry for any mistakes.
Selena, please see the specialist about the lumps. I am sure they are nothing to worry about, like the doctor said.
With regards to your exams, are they not viable in any country? If not, perhaps you could take different exams, do some research on which are best to do.
You need to stand your ground about working reasonable hours. A bit of overtime here and there is probably expected, but working evenings and weekends is not right.
OK I'm not sure about all the work you are doing, but are you working slowly in comparison with others? Could you do it quicker by giving the idea of what it means, rather than translating every word itms?
Go and see the specialist. It's much worse worrying about what it is, rather than knowing.
No, I'm working at average speed even faster than others. It's mainly about literary and medical documentation. The thing is that in our company it's practically only me who translates this kind of texts.
There was a girl who translated it very fast...but translation was rejected.
It's my boss's personal desire.
OldMike
06-01-16, 08:58 PM
I see medical translation because it deals with more technical stuff is much more difficult to translate than ordinary everyday language, your boss should know this. I really don't know what to suggest when it comes to your work problems, do the other translators get the same treatment as you? Just seen it's only you who does this technical stuff, could you not ask to translate some of the less technical stuff and another translator the more technical stuff? I'm trying to help but feel I'm rather out of my depth. It certainly looks like your boss is a bully the way she treats you.
So, you're basically the only person who can do the job, which means they need to respect your expertise over how long it will take to do. I am sure the client will appreciate it being done right, even if it that means it takes a little longer to do.
I'm not authorised translator, the sworn translators basically deal with a lot of standard documents, so she put a lot of work on me. I don't know how to reply to this kind of bullying and aggression.
Can you tell her how much it's affecting you?
It's really important that you get to the specialist about the lumps too. Please make it your main priority..
Thank you, I'll make my health my first priority.
What else? I've found out client paid her around 900 euros, while I received barely 100...
And I've caught cold in my office because proper heating has not been provided.
Have you made the appointment yet?
Do you not have an agreed amount from each job or are you paid a salary?
Have you made the appointment yet?
Do you not have an agreed amount from each job or are you paid a salary?
Not yet, I'm waiting for my salary.
Salary only for a manager job, there is also an amount for translation and that's quite low.
When do you get your salary? Can you not call and make the appointment now so you know you have it?
I have another issue - fear of speaking about myself and desire to run and hide everything about me like I've commited something bad. Thay's shame because of PCOS.
I've caught a cold so I'm staying home. Terrible mood and this awful lump. But the stupidiest thing is that I did not find the courage to say 'no' to my boss when she phoned me and gave me a work for tomorrow. Of course she heard my voice.
Jaquaia
08-01-16, 04:01 PM
You need to look after yourself and rest.
Oh hunni! Why didn't you say no?
I do not know. I usually say 'no' but a sudden fear just blocked me. The translation has been done but the unpleasant feeling remain.
Now I get why many ex-employees left this workplace.
Are you looking around for another job? You seem so unhappy where you are..
Jaquaia
08-01-16, 11:29 PM
You deserve so much better than what you're getting.
Hugo-agogo
08-01-16, 11:59 PM
It sounds like you are doing such a good job and that you are valuable to them, but they are leaning on you way too much. I hope you can strike a balance where you can either say that they need to pay you overtime for any extra work you do, and/or that they have to respect when your working day is done (bear)
Thank you for support. Unfortunately it is very difficult to cope with her. I would be happy to find something else.
I'm supposed to get Certificate of Sworn Translator by late spring. After that I will become independent. And the last I think everything goes right after I return back home.
OldMike
09-01-16, 09:50 AM
Hi Selena, Your boss clearly doesn't appreciate the work you do and doesn't even treat you with the respect you deserve.
I can see you're in a tricky situation probably all you can do is hang on in there till you get the Certificate of Sworn Translator then perhaps look for a better job where you are treated better.
Take care Mike.
Hugo-agogo
09-01-16, 10:07 AM
Are you dependant on this company to give you your certificates?
Are you dependant on this company to give you your certificates?
Unfortunately yes, I should wait until late spring or summer.
Is the certificate something your company assesses and applies for on your behalf or is it independent from them?
Is the certificate something your company assesses and applies for on your behalf or is it independent from them?
Yes, they have some connections. I really do not know what to do because this certificate will be a plus but not available in my country. From other side I want to be independent from my boss and be paid more. So this is probably the only solution at the moment.
Had a discussion with some coworkers and found out that my boss from time to time enjoys bullying employees.
But you knew that anyway...
Yes and her attitude is disgusting.
Besides all I've got a cold at my work place because it is very cold there. On Monday I probably won't be able to get to the office. But I could do translations at home.
Do you have lots of snow where you are Selena?
More or less now but it's rather cold and the boss should have provided normal heating. I've talked to her and she promised to find solution.
I hope that she does lovely..
So do I. She is so angry when someone is ill and can't get to office. But I think my health is definitely more important and I do not want to 'gain' pneumonia.
Jaquaia
09-01-16, 10:09 PM
Your health is more important. Well done for realising that
So do I. She is so angry when someone is ill and can't get to office. But I think my health is definitely more important and I do not want to 'gain' pneumonia.
Definitely!
So do I. She is so angry when someone is ill and can't get to office. But I think my health is definitely more important and I do not want to 'gain' pneumonia.
Absolutely!
Today I stood up for myself and remained home. Barely worked because of headache but I hope it will get better.
OldMike
11-01-16, 04:55 PM
Today I stood up for myself and remained home. Barely worked because of headache but I hope it will get better.
Good for you Selena, hope your headache soon improves.
Well done for standing your ground.
Good for you. I can only imagine how cold it is.... Is the internet right when it says its -4c there right now? She needs to provide adequate heating for you.
Yes, but -4 is still ok.
What have I found out?
Last week in the night was about -15c and the man who rents this office to my boss switched off all heating. So I literally came into the fridge. And did not apperceive anything immediatelly because they connected heating again when I arrived. But my God, the room was like a castle of ice!
No wonder, I got cold. It's warmer outside but they switched off heating again. Now they promised not to do this again.
Doc said I should stay tomorrow at home. I have translations to do and will be available on Wednesday again but it's so unpleasant to tell her everything again. But I really do not want pneumonia.
You need to look after your own health lovely.
Well done, hunni, and please stay home tomorrow !
Surely its on a thermostat and the temperature can't drop below freezing otherwise the pipes would burst?
Probably but I had not been told anything.
Tomorrow I will be working in office again. How nice was from part of the clients to thank me and tell me that they understand my absence!
I spoke with my boss and to my astonishment she agreed. But she is usually bullying employees before they receive salaries.
That sounds good that she agreed and how lovely of your clients to understand!
Yes, it was unexpected from them but lovely, especially when they said they could wait.
My boss is not very emotional. Once her eldest daughter came to her place and wanted some attention. She was not busy but phoned her husband saying:" Take this little creep away. I'm fed up with her."
Jaquaia
12-01-16, 09:23 PM
Oh my god! What a horrid woman!
That's so horrible for the daughter. If that's what things she says in public, I dread to think what she says when they are at home in private. That poor child - so damaging.
I returned to work today and it was a good day for me. To my greates astonishment, my boss and her husband came to my office to see how I'm feeling and showed some interest about condition I'm working in. And talked to landlord about heating system. As I've heard she feared that I could leave. I do not know it, I only jnow her husband is compassionate person.
OldMike
13-01-16, 09:57 PM
I'm glad you had a good day Selena.
Thank you. Actually I did not expect that my 'return'would pass in a calm way.
Hopefully, she'll appreciate you more. Hope today's good
Glad it went well. Hope today is a good one.
Nothing new, 3 more or less serious fast translations expected to be finished by next week into 3 different languages:restaurant site, 'my' psychology book and memories of people deported to Siberia.
The topics are interesting but it's not easy. To be sincere, I have done today only a little work but I definitely should get some rest on holidays.
What else? My boss has given a piece of serious to a translator who barely knows original language and she did lie to the customer in this way. It is not my affair but I know the customer and simply don't get it.
And toothache...painkillers again.
Can you plan something nice to do this weekend?
I'm afraid not because of weather.
But I could find time to read something interesting.
Not much work done today. Wish me success for another busy couple of days.
Good luck and don't overdo it
Hope it's a good and positive one for you
I've nearly finished my translation. While I don't agree with everything author says, most of given information ( her view on male/female relationship) is useful. Author is actually love coach(nod).
So I've done some reading while translating.
Actually maybe I'll put some recommendations here.
OldMike
22-01-16, 10:50 PM
Actually maybe I'll put some recommendations here.
That's a good idea Selena.
Today I've had a really nice conversation with a very pleasant woman who is not in her young ages anymore.
She talked about her memories and experience, revealing that she had been suffering of depression many years.
Of course, hate is worst of everything. But I'm totally agree with her about relation with close people.
That indifference could be real evil, when you're desperate and cry, but nobody wants to hear you. In her opinion, it's like crying for help. She talked about post-birth depression and that some years ago this issue had been simply ignored.
Sounds like a good talk...
Post natal depression was completely missed even when I had my first, 18 years ago. I was told it was stress and, at 24 years old, I didn't know better to argue. Things are better now, but still not good enough
Today feeling a little tired and exhausted. There was this kind of working reunion. Luckily, my boss hasn't hurt my feelings by putting down my efforts.
Meanwhile I've decided to take just 3 exams, not 4, like my boss wishes. Because I think I don't have enough time to prepare.
Good to hear you've made your decision :)
And the last unbelievable translation order from a customer. To translate some pages and a video about interfaith marriages, it's actually about a British woman. I'll put the original link from youtube on my FB.
OldMike
28-01-16, 07:38 PM
Today feeling a little tired and exhausted. There was this kind of working reunion. Luckily, my boss hasn't hurt my feelings by putting down my efforts.
Meanwhile I've decided to take just 3 exams, not 4, like my boss wishes. Because I think I don't have enough time to prepare.
That's good Selena reducing the number of exams to 3 should make things a lot easier for you.
Yes, I could breathe again...
Today has been difficult for me. After I stepped into my house I just couldn't help crying, now I get that you should avoid hurtful places.
From other side I suddenly miss so much theatre, opera, ballet. Cultural events where I used to go before.
OldMike
29-01-16, 07:05 PM
(bear)
Jaquaia
29-01-16, 07:52 PM
(panda)
What do you think made you cry?
Oh sweetheart (panda)(bear)(panda)
(panda)
What do you think made you cry?
Probably past memories and not accepting some things.
It's so interesting. Yesterday I was in bad mood and my cat felt it. She suddenly gripped my dress with her claws and nearly tore it, she wanted to come closer to me.
I'm feeling horribly, my boss doesn't leave me a free minute, a free day of relax. She sent me little translations, continuation of Madam's book translation and that I'm supposed to end immediately the other translation (+30 pages!). Does she think I am robot?
Can't you say no, you're too busy?
Yes, I can but the thing is that she always tends to make deadlines shorter after the employees take work. I will probably do just quality work and won't sacrifice myself. All this deal won't last forever, I really hope.
You are't being paid to work weekends, so don't!
So that's the best thing to do so far - just doing my work in a normal way.
Today was a little sad. My boss had the new idea, that I edit and translate without any money some texts on new version of her site. Nor that I would be against if she did pay me better or do this for a cause.
I'm sad that nothing changes, but that's probably is how it aimed to be from beginning.
And about my main translation, some of these manipulations are also used by men, to my greatest astonishment. The strangest thing is author's advice in contradiction with all her other stuff:" If you love or tend to love a man that does not share your feelings, love him from depth of your heart". Not the best advice though, I think it didn't help me a lot to forget about the man who I talked to in vain.
If you are paid a salary, I would expect your boss to just give you whatever she sees fit, but if it's too much and you are regularly working more than your contracted hours then you need to have a word.
Are you paid a salary or is it per page/hour/text?
Here comes the following: salary + percent from clients+ translations, but that's nice only on paper. And no, the translation for agency's site is not supposed to be paid.
And the last thing...a woman from a different office proposed me to get involved in her (not exactly) philantropy project. I got enthusiastic about it, thinking only that I have a small amount of time and it's a good news as here such kind of projects don't often occur. And what I heard...she proposed that I take part in her photo session and that is for a good cause. There is nothing specific about it. Just taking some photos in park. She didn't say a concrete day. I wanted to refuse but then thought about good cause. I really don't know what to do...
I wouldn't get involved in the photos until you know much more! What kind of photographs do they want? What will they be used for?
I wouldn't get involved in the photos until you know much more! What kind of photographs do they want? What will they be used for?
I've already got the information. And I phoned the organization for children suffering from leucemia they mentioned. Apparently yes, they said they aim to publish a book with pictures about park X.and people etc.
The received money will be used for children's treatment.It's not only about women, people generally. And they won't publish my photos separately without my permission. Only in that album. They probably know me and that's why asked for permission. The other woman working in the nearby shop, middle-aged, was also asked.
But I'm fearing more to be photographed in generally. I'm not confident although there is nothing extravagant there.
Photos, something like this:
http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photo-middle-aged-woman-park-beds-purple-irises-image53043837
I mean, nothing provocative and all the images outside album will be private. And if I don't want that people found my image in album ( via organization) I could keep my privacy.
Then if it all checks out then it seems like it might be fun?
Then if it all checks out then it seems like it might be fun?
Yes, but I have a little photophobia. I know I should overcome it, there is still some work with my self-confidence.
This might be just the way to help you?
Yesterday the other manager wanted to put on me more work: " You know, customers are always satisfied with your translation, it's like a melody to them". And benefit of my boss too. But I found the strength to say "no'.
I try to find more expressive words to make some works better, but I think I have no right to change author's opinion.'
I have 50 pages to translate and I should probably work on Saturday at home because there is too much fuss in the office.
When you set too high goals, you nearly always fail. And that's probably my case with great expectations.
And there is a different thing or better say lack of something. In my teen ages I used to write short stories but after depression years I have no inspiration, real inspiration...
OldMike
03-02-16, 10:39 PM
That's a shame Selena I hope you can get back to writing short stories again.
magie06
03-02-16, 10:48 PM
Would you not write stories about your experience since you got sick?
I'm glad you were able to say no, but I don't think you should work on Saturday either. You need that time to recharge and to do something different - go for a walk, go shopping, just something different..
Would you not write stories about your experience since you got sick?
It's a good idea and sometimes I write some things, maybe it was because of my lack of time or probably sometimes it was too painful.
Yes, I really wanted to get some quality time, even missing theatre or other cultural activities.
Meanwhile my boss told me that I could take paid holidays only in October.
You know, I've thought about writing some details in my unpublished novel translation. The author probably forgot about her plans.
OldMike
04-02-16, 08:11 PM
Selena you can only take paid holidays in October, that seems so long away.
Yes, time is passing fast, I'll see what to do a little later.
I thought that I would have a normal holiday. Surprise!...my boss who has never translated herself a little document asked for English variant of manipulation book immediately. I've got that client wants it faster and wants its American variant. But my boss has forgoten 2 essential things:
1. She got this client due to my sample translation into different language. A client chose my piece among 20 other translators. That is how she got all the money.
2. She gave the translation into English to a student who didn't manage her work and then passed it to me. She forgot that we discussed other deadlines and I'm already busy. I'm not a native speaker who could additionally provide her with American dialect expressions.
I'm anxious that I've barely had any rest, yes yesterday I had some rest, but I think I have this right. Now I fear eveything although I'm aware my boss just didn't manage it well.
OldMike
07-02-16, 12:14 PM
Selena your boss will have to wait you can't suddenly translate a document when you are all ready doing other work. As you say you need some rest time, rather than work, work and more work.
It sounds like your boss is taking the credit for all of your hard work. Time to stand up to her and say no! Good luck.
Finally has ended a translation into English today. I can't believe I did it so fast, I'm always very anxious about quality. Nearly fall asleep, dreaming about manipulative author and her supposed being in love with two men at chance... But still there is a lot of work to be done...
This morning I came to my working place, took the keys to open the door when clien said:" The door is open. You probably forgot to close it last time."
My God...I got in panic...Usually I check everything, how didn't I verify it on Friday?...I don't remember. I checked everything: camera working, money and documents at their places.
OldMike
08-02-16, 08:09 PM
You've probably got other things on your mind and it's then so easy to forget something.
Selena you look like you've had a very productive day. All I've done all day is a big jigsaw still a lot to do with it.
You've probably got other things on your mind and it's then so easy to forget something.
Selena you look like you've had a very productive day. All I've done all day is a big jigsaw still a lot to do with it.
A jigsaw is also very interesting way of spending time!
Maybe the boss went in early and left it open? It seems like it's unlikely that you forgot and it was left unlocked all weekend? It sounds like no harm was done though, nothing stolen?
I was going to say with that translation, you can say to her, I can do this, but that means I can't do this and this.... etc.... make her prioritise the work. She's making a lot of money from your work so you do have some leverage and she probably does respect you too.
No, it's highly unlikely, but maybe her husband or landlord entered earlier. No harm was done and no loss.
Yes, she respects me to an extent. However she is the boss and rather difficult person. If she is in bad mood, she can lose her temper and mock others.
Well done for finishing that piece!
You have the patience of a saint, I'd have thumped her by now
You have the patience of a saint, I'd have thumped her by now
I've got used to many things, but I can't stand the moments she puts pressure on me and bullying her working team.
Not the best day for me: terrible headache, nausea, weakness and probably high arterial pressure. I still don't know how I have managed to work.
Oh no! Are you coming down with something?
OldMike
09-02-16, 08:36 PM
If you think you've high blood pressure you need to see your doctor. Usually you don't know your blood pressure is high till you have it checked by a nurse or doctor.
Hope you feel better soon Selena.
Thank you, now I'm feeling a little better and had some tea.
Maybe it was because of last days pressure. The next week I'll have an appointment with doctor.
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