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Today was an awful day for me, although no boss complaints so far, no clients...
I don't know why but I'm feeling deeply low and sad, only desire to cry and desperate feeling like I am a failure.
Maybe distant location of this office has an impact on me, not sure...
One thing more...near my workplace there is an aggressive dog, it is always barking and trying to bite. I really don't know what to do when it runs after me, especially when I leave the place. And clients have complained... I've told boss but she said that ' people are stronger and always can hurt and win in battle with animal'. But for me it's not a joke...
magie06
06-10-15, 06:41 PM
You sound like you need a break from work. Have you any holiday leave left for this year, maybe you could take one or two days over the weekend and make it a long weekend for you.
I don't know what you can do about the dog. Here if a dog bites even only once, they have to be put down. Is this dog behind a barrier or restrained in any way? Certain dogs here must be kept under control in public places at all times.
Jaquaia
06-10-15, 06:58 PM
That's a load of rubbish about the dog! I came off worse against a dog last year! Multiple puncture wounds to both hands and arms, a fractured wrist and a general anaesthetic as it all needed to be cleaned up! I still have very visible scars now! If it's aggressive then the owner should be taking steps to get it under control. Might be worth speaking to the dog warden? (bear)
Yes, I need more free days, not only Sunday, because I should also work a half-day on Saturday, although it doesn't have any sense as all offices are closed and there are no clients at all.
Jaquaia, I'm really sorry to hear about your terrible incident.
The dog is female and it probably has puppies. She is not restrained and works even on nearby streets. Apparently there is no specific owner and the director of little shop who has probably taken the dog doesn't care, so nothing has been confirmed so far. Sometimes there is an old worker who calms the dog but he is not present all time. I've spoken to him but he hasn't taken it seriously. Someone suggested that I could give the dog some food.
Is there an animal charity you can contact? The dog is probably hungry and frightened.
I could search for one and get some information.
In the morning the dog was eating greedily. I asked this man if it is maybe hungry, but he has not confirmed this.
magie06
06-10-15, 08:35 PM
Be careful with regard to feeding the dog. Can you call the local pound or the local animal warden and report the dog?
I will be careful for sure, I really don't know how to proceed. I can get some information.
hope you are feeling a bit better selena. you could try call local dog rescue centre to get some advice, or to see if they could take it in, as it sounds like a stray dog? and so is probably v. hungry, especially she has puppies; not sure i trust the local authority pounds.
Thank you all. Today I've tried to talk about the owner of the dog and someone tried to say that he adopted the dog, although I really doubt it. I've got some food and dog immediately stopped barking, she is probably hungry.
I've been to the dentist, and everything was right.
I've done 3 translations, the last one bigger than others, I've finished some time ago. I've send it but I'm obsessed with idea that I did something wrong in office or about translation.
During working process I forget about my moods, but now I'm feeling alone and anxious again...
magie06
07-10-15, 08:40 PM
It sounds like you had a tough day at work. Can you take 5 mins out and do a quick mindfulness, and only concentrate on you for the 5 mins. You sound like you are alone and need a hug so here you go. (panda)
You're doing your job, well by the sounds of it, but it's pulling you down. Have you looked to see if there are any other suitable jobs available? (bear)
I agree - I'm not sure if this is the right place for you to be either lovely...
Yes, but unfortunately without success. My boss at least isn't bothering me at the moment, but tomorrow we have working meeting again.
Today was a terrible day.
My boss wants to use my work for little money and make me work even at nights. And my anxiety increases. She imposes me to do more translations than I can and work even in week-end.
She enjoys manipulating and bullying people. At this evening's reunion she treated badly near all her team, especially me and the other new worker, now I get why people leave her. She treats them like slaves, enjoys her position, imposes her opinion and authority and enjoys dominating over others. That's so disgusting!
She even blames me ( and others ) that clients do not get to the office, although it's location matter, and always makes threats about replacing present workers with new ones. And I haven't signed official contract yet. I tried to defend myself but I'm feeling miserable when I'm mistreated in presence of other people, I'm feeling again so miserable and can't stand up to her like others could.
What should I go if the next week she will try to make bad remarks about me? Just to leave?
I don't know how to defend myself and I'm feeling very low, also because volume of work and multiple tasks, including cleaning that is not even paid.
And the guy who I liked has been on Badoo but hasn't messaged me back, but hasn't rejected me either.
I'm just losing the battle and depression is coming back.
Don't do more than you feel comfortable doing. You shouldn't have to work evenings and weekends.
I think you should leave. So many others have, why should you put yourself through it?
that sounds horrible, if you have the energy and motivation, sometimes it's worth the fight and sometimes it's definitely not. if it's that bad, making you I'll, she is your boss and you can't do anything about it, I would def think about leaving if you can afford to, before finding something else. or maybe you cld leave,'and find some temporary work whilst you look for something else.
I completely agree! She sounds like a terrible boss! Get out now and find something different!
When are you due your wages?
Mrs-Darling
09-10-15, 12:22 PM
Do you get paid sick pay? If you do I would get signed off sick by your GP which will give you a it of time and space to think about what you need or want to do. I would also consider either putting in a grievance about your boss' behaviour or make a complaint about her. You could also do this informally by speaking to another manager and telling them that she is the reason you have had to take sick leave. If the company values its staff or has any decent policies in place they should be worried that another member of staff has made you ill.
I'm due to get my money in a week or a little more. It's not official work, it's considered to be one month paid training.
Today I've learned that another girl left.
magie06
09-10-15, 05:39 PM
If it was my decision, I would leave. I wouldn't be able for all that grief!
But she hasn't trained you. She has just thrown loads of work at you, suitable and unsuitable!
Really I think the woman who runs the company is the problem. I am amazed she has a company at all!
And she is not translator and can't appreciate translator's work. Yesterday at meeting she asked me in loud voice why I can't make very quick medical translation. I defended myself by saying that medicine is serious matter and I can't play with people's lives and should be very careful and accurate, therefore I need more time.
I did translation with condition to extend deadline. It's about little girl with serious condition,“Bladder exstrophy and total epispadias”.
I completely agree with the others, I'd leave.
The same for me, now waiting for my money.
This woman does not like that I stand up to her.
Not yet, because I want to be paid first. Just a few days remaining.
So, what's next, what's the plan?
To find something else.
But my health comes first, I have some medical appointments this week.
Do you need to be working or can you take a little break?
I think I can take a break, for ten days for sure.
oh that's good, hope you have a good break!
I have no break yet, but I'm feeling horrible and miserable, and sometimes suicidal thoughts occur again. And everything because of my boss. It's generally quiet except for Thurdsays when she organizes general meetings. She likes to show every employeer her importance and mock other people, especially weaker ones, having fragile mental or physical condition.
I've done some really good translations, bur she does not appreciate anybody's work, she continues the same game. The other employeers are generally normal, besides two " clowns' who support any opinion or suggestion of the boss. The most insupportable thing for me is when she ridiculizes me in front of others, that's insupportable! I know the other normal people will just move on but for me it's difficult to stand up in front of others.
And the reason is just crazy: the employeers are GUILTY that nobody or very few people enter the office!!! How could I be guilty if they don't even enter the building?
At today's meeting she criticized the girl who left, nearly accusing her of stealing. Her two 'favourites' agreed with boss, while a girl riposted saying that couldn't have happened this way. And via old skype conversations I've found out that there have been just a few clients at my office and she terrorized everybody who worked there.
She has attacked another girl, but mostly me and I really don't know what to reply if she attacks my personality features or my physical condition. What should someone do when he/she is attacked in front of other people? What would you in such a shameful moment?
It's a pity she doesn't see anything good.
I should be paid by 18th October. When I had been proposed this offer, I did not like it because I knew many employeers left and she is permanently in search of new people.
My mother wanted me to take this offer, because now we have a little difficult financial situation. I've talked to her and she agreed that my health is more important.
I have some health issues and feeling very unhappy.
Trying to stay positive but that's hard...
She is such a horrible person! I can't imagine working for her!
That sounds awful. Get your pay and get out of there. You poor thing.
Thanks for your support. I've been trying to explain everything to my mom. She cares about me, but has different approach. While I can't resist anymore. Anyway my mother agreed that my health is more important and I don't even know if I get appropriate payment for my work.
I count the days before my last work day there, but I don't know how to stand up in front of others, the embarassing moment when all eyes are fixed on you.
What a horrible person. I'm glad your mum is supporting you, I know it's difficult financially leaving this job, but I'm sure you'll find a new one soon, with a better working environment
Today I've got my wage, but it's so low!
I decided to search another job. Meanwhile I'm not officially registered at this work place, so I've decided not to attend any meetings, because i have no official rights in the company and I'll be bullied first, so i just won't attend.
On Monday I should have a serious talk with this woman, it will be phone conversation, so I should prepare myself to stand up to her and that's not easy.
On bright side of things, today I've been to a store and purchased new bra. I've said to shop assistant that I make 42 B or C ( depending on manufacturer)and it won't be easy to find appropriate size. She looked at me and replied that I couldn't be 42, I've said I know I am. She gave me 38 B bra and surprise - it fitted me nearly perfectly. She said that I'm just average, but anyway I know that I'm pretty overweight, especially belly.
Shop assistants get to know what size someone is just from looking, I used to be able to do that when I worked in a kids clothes shop!
You say your wages were low, less than you were expecting? Have you had a payslip so you can see how much tax you've paid?
Woohoo! New bras are so fabulous! It's always better if you are a smaller size than you think!
I think you can stand up to her. Just be strong and definite.
Shop assistants get to know what size someone is just from looking, I used to be able to do that when I worked in a kids clothes shop!
You say your wages were low, less than you were expecting? Have you had a payslip so you can see how much tax you've paid?
No, I haven't. She said that I don't have this right yet and she establishes 'appropriate wages' for everybody.
No pay slip? That seems wrong...
Very wrong and, in the UK, very, very illegal
wow, she sounds very shady...I would get out of there asap!
So you've worked for a month without an agreed salary and received what she thinks you were worth? Obviously you're in a different country and culturally I don't know how it works there, but in the UK that just would not be an acceptable agreement. Do you feel comfortable with the arrangement?
magie06
17-10-15, 08:55 PM
With no wage slip your employer is breaking the law. (Well she would be here). You have worked your hours and you are entitled to a slip to let you know what you have earned and if you don't get one, you should take it up with citizens advice, your union and even the employers union. They all need to know if things are underhand or under the table. Good luck!
how is she paying you...cash/cheque etc? with tax deductions etc?
She has paid me cash and I have doubts that is normal or legal. I've already told her that I want everything to be on legal terms, but she ignored my request. So I prepare to leave but first of all have a serious discussion. I really do not know how to deal with this kind of people.
That's because these kind of people are unreasonable!
yeah, probably best to leave and just see it as a learning experience (about who not to work for!)
Normally I'm one for complete openness, but do you really need to do anything except ring her Monday morning and say you're not ever coming in again? You don't owe her any more than that
Also, maybe it'd be an idea to write down everything that happened for your own benefit, in case she tries to cause trouble later (or use what you've written here - although I would think there's more you haven't told us)
Hi Selena, are you ok? How did it go with your boss?
Thank you for your question, Rose. Today has been a really busy day and I'm very tired. I've dealt with more clients and in the afternoon break have been to the dentist.
Previous night I had been struggling with all kind of fears and lack of confidence, but I talked to boss and other manager. I've said that I'm going leave their workplace. Surprisingly, but they began begging me to stay. The other managed assured me that everything would be right and in legal terms, and my rights will be fully respected. I replied that I will think about it, and that's only because of my mother's request to give them a second chance.
Meanwhile I began searching other job.
In the evening I've met other girls from company. One of them had her birthday today. Most of them are not bad people, but I felt so awkward, like I'm the one not normal among mentally and physically healthy people.
So proud of you for saying how you felt! Well done for standing up to them!!
Well done in talking to the bosses. I hope it helps as you're obviously good at your job.
Can I ask, how would you know if some of your colleagues had unseen illnesses? Asthma maybe, chronic pain, depression? Unless they told you, you wouldn't know and I'm betting they didn't know you had any illness
Do you feel better after you spoke to them? Do you believe the legal side will be sorted and you'll be better supported?
Do you feel better after you spoke to them? Do you believe the legal side will be sorted and you'll be better supported?
Yes, I'm feeling better. But I should check everything very carefully.
Absolutely agree with that!
OK, just go with your intuition on this one.... it sounds like you made great progress today by standing up for yourself, well done!
I'm also glad that there's not only her, but also other manager.
Today I've made a little translation from Italian. Later managed phoned me and said that the client liked it and wants me to translate 30 pages. It's about psychology of relationships. And imagine, the woman boss said how she is proud of me...
Some bad news here...a little lump above recently treated tooth and I'm already frightened.Although I have no pain at all and the lump is small.
I have another lump above the belly button and I'm also concerned about it.
Can you check with your dentist?
The lump on your tummy - there's lots of things it could be but if you're worried, ask your dr
Yes, I'll check tomorrow, but I really hate this kind of examinations.
You do need to talk to your Dr and your Dentist about those lumps lovely just to check up on them and to put your mind at rest...
I've talked to the dentist and she said there is nothing to worry about.
At work things have improved. However I don't like when somebody imposes me to do all tasks: translation and office work including clients' service. And I wasn't ashamed to tell the truth that I won't be able to do serious translations in short time. Managed said that translators are not supposed to do cleaning, so this problem has been solved.
There is not much success on dating sites either: still there are no appropriate matches and I have too little spare time.
Perhaps one thing at a time, lovely. You're dealing with work, so perhaps you can focus on that for the moment?
I hope so, I mean to manage everything on time.
So glad that you are finding things better at work lovely...
That's so difficult with these dating sites, still no progress, in fact I've spent on them very little time.
That's really stupid but for me it's difficult just to write " hi" in chat box.
Maybe you could pretend you are talking to us?
Oh, thanks, that's good advice.
Today I've been to church a put a candle for everyone who is in need ( here and others, taking example of maggie). My thoughts were far away and unfortunately my mind was not so focused on religious service, but i prayed at beginning and at the end. I'm still worried for many things.
magie06
25-10-15, 05:56 PM
Thanks you selena. I love it when people tell me that they prayed for me. I feel a little bit special.
Today, I hope that you got a little bit of peace, and that you got some relief.
Thank you for your thoughts. I hope that you get some rest and answers soon lovely.
Today has been a really difficult day for me. I've had such a horrible migraine with nausea, painkillers barely helped, just after getting home felt a liitle better. And maybe it's also because of my anxiety and multiple tasks, as I'm supposed to keep a fixed eye on everything.
I've worked with documents and clients, and because of my boss's pressure nearly made mistakes. She also hurries me with my translation of safety instruction attachment to chocolate making machine equipment. That's terrible, and I'm more afraid of my boss's mood than of clients'!
Today I've nearly got in accident, and it was not driver's fault, but save God, everything got right.
On bright side clients thanked me and one of them gave me a little present - it's so pleasant anyway, although I didn't expect this at all.
Oh sweetheart (panda) I really really hope that you have a better evening.
I know she's so difficult to deal with, but it seems you're really good at this job, and your clients think you're great. I know it's hard, but take the good from all this. And I'm glad no one was hurt in the accident (bear)
I can't write about some crucial improvements.
At work things have got slowly better. It's because clients like to communicate with me and because of my new working project. But it's hard to deal with different states documents and I should be extremely attentive, and multitasking does not make it better.
Yesterday I've been to special church service and I remembered people from site, because in real life I barely have any close friends or they are far away...
I've talked to a woman, our client, who revealed her sadness about her younger son suffering from depression. She liked me and confessed she would have been happy to have a daugter-in-law like me.
I've experienced some health problems and unfortunately it's not finished yet.
A client told my boss that she has liked a lot a sample of my translation from Italian, it's about psychological aspects of female role in relationship. So I have to translate 30 pages till the end of the month, and it's not easy with other tasks. Although I like this kind of translation.
What else? Online dating has showed no improvement, just no step forward, no appropriate men...
Sounds like the job is going better and that you are happier there?
What health issues? Do you want to talk about them?
Despite huge barriers from her, you're doing a great job by the sounds of it - that shows to me your strength and your remarkable ability to do your job
Yes, in a way it's better, although the boss is sometimes difficult to deal with. But thank God she is far from me and we see each other only once a week.
It's about lumps' feeling on tongue, throat and a little lump on belly. Nothing has been detected but I'm still afraid. Doctor said it has been probably caused by my PCOS weakened immune system.
Glad things are at least a little better lovely. Hope you get the results soon x
From today I'm official translator at my boss's translation company. And I've finally seen payslips.
I'm not in my best mood because I've got cold and now I'm struggling with additional illness.
And about dating, I don't like the fact that I've become attached to a guy who hasn't even bothered to reply to me and probably other women.
Brilliant for the payslips and becoming an official translator! Are you pleased?
Additional illness? Are you OK lovely?
Is that the guy who hasn't been online?
Brilliant for the payslips and becoming an official translator! Are you pleased?
Additional illness? Are you OK lovely?
Is that the guy who hasn't been online?
Generally I am and my colleagues are quite friendly ( most of them), but we barely see each other. I'm not totally relaxed, there is a lot of stress, but I am the only one in office, so I don'y feel embarassed because of my issues. I deal with clients, but that's different thing.
I'm very worried about the lumps I've written earlier.
Yes, it's the same guy. And he's probably too self-centered. But that's not only about him. I haven't found any appropriate guy just to talk with. Maybe I've spent on dating sites too little time, I don't know. I'm worried about my PCOS and at the same time I'm feeling that I'm ready to become mother. You'll probably find this feeling strange, but I've never taken it literally before. I'm not bothered about marriage but I want future father of my child to be a reliable man who I like ( and I hope just some feelings for me from his part).
There are many issues and besides I'm so tired after work.
Have you seen the dr about the lumps?
Hunni, I've been a single mum and I've then been a mum with a supportive husband who I love loads. Being a single mum is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I coped, because I always do, but the difference when my husband came into our lives was immense. The pressure I had when I was on my own was lifted instantly (he took to being a stepdad easily) and we work together as parents. What I'm trying to say is that I hope you are looking for someone you can make a life with, not just as a sperm donor.
Yes, I've seen, apparently there are no signs of concern. But I would prefer to see another doctor. Just have to find some free time.
Good news is that now I'm free on Saturdays.
Thank you for sharing your experience and point of view. You're right, that's really hard. I want to meet my OH and I agree that a child should have a loving and caring father.Unfortunately I cannot guess everything that is on a man's mind.
To have a good father it's really important, especially for a girl, the father I lacked in my life. My parents divorced and he didn't help at all, I met him some time ago and there is no parent-child connection between us.
(panda) Sweetheart give yourself some time...
Unfortunately illusions seldom change into something real.
The last month the feeling of loneliness has left me empy.
Hunni, illusions are just that. Illusions. They're not real. If you're waiting for an illusion to become a reality, you'll be waiting a long time. What you need to be looking for is a real future, one that is solid
Today I'm working at home because I've got a cold, I'm not feeling well and it's so hard to work.
And I have two kinds of news: good and bad.
Two apparently serious guys contacted me via email. But here comes the mess.
I've found that my friend registered me on dating site without my permission. And she put my photo.
That's not the worst, because I've already registered on other dating sites. The thing is that she wrote that I'm currently spending my time " between Paris and London". Who asked her to do this thing? It is not true. I've contacted some of administrators, he said that this feature could be changed only by person who paid and it's not a problem.
I've liked the men who contacted me, but how can I reply knowing that my friend ruined everything? It's sad, and what could I write? I don't want to appear as a liar.
Hi Selena, although you should have words with your friend adding you without you knowing I wouldn't worry yourself to much over this. As a guy I'd find it in good humour that your friend is helping you along, just be honest and explain what's happened and I'm sure they'll think it rather kind and cute :)
I hope you feel better soon and shake that cold, plenty hot drinks and soup :)
I'd be honest. Talk to your friend and talk to the men involved....
So your 'friend' put your picture on a dating site, paid for the profile, but put your email address on it? Are you not able to change the password, log in and change the details yourself?
So your 'friend' put your picture on a dating site, paid for the profile, but put your email address on it? Are you not able to change the password, log in and change the details yourself?
I changed password, but I can't change details, the policy is that if you want to change something, you should pay. Profile will be deleted automatically if not paid the next month. And the admin's answer was simple ' it does not matter, discuss everything with men'. In fact she is not a true friend, but that's other matter. She is not mean, just acting spontaneously and without asking others' permission. My mistake is that I've told her about my intentions and she decided to make it better.
First, I wanted not to reply at all or delete my profile. But now I decided to reply and be honest, and then leave if there are no possibilities of changing details.
That sounds like a sensible course of action to me.
That does sound sensible. How are you feeling about it and your friend?
I've learned that I could not trust her anymore, who knows what idea comes to her mind next time?
The thing is sorted out! Admins wanted me to pay 35$ in order to change wrong information. I refused and my profile has been frozen.
Physically I've got better, although this lump still bothers me. But I've got very anxious and have gone this week through hard moments of instability because of pressure at work.
First of all, I have multiple tasks, I'm not only translator and I just can't physically cope with everything. I should work on holidays, although I haven't worked today because of technical reasons.
So, I have one serious literary project from Italian and another technical needed to be finished by Wednesday. I've told my boss, but she just does't want to get this thing.
And one more problem. One of managers each time wants me to take additional translations. She doesn't take any translations, she is just manager. I told her that I'm already very busy and explained the thing, but she just does not want to get it! She is pushy and keeps calling me again and again, asking if I'm really so busy. I stood up to her and clearly refused, but her calls are getting on my nerves. Other managers get the thing, but not her. It's enough to have translations sent by my boss. At the end she said that I'm not sworn translator yet, so I'm not so expensive translator and that is the reason to put everything on me.
That's all and deadlines make me very anxious, I barely manage to have some free time.
That's not fair on you, well done for standing up for yourself. In a way its a compliment that they want you to do the work, but not at the expense of your well-being. Keep strong, I think you're doing brilliantly.
Oh sweetheart it sounds like you are really good at your job, hence why you are wanted to do so much. But it doesn't make it better for you. It shows great strength to be able to stand up to your manager. Well done lovely.
Thank you for kind words. You know sometimes it's hard to put everything right and make words beautiful. Besides all, I should check every word before sending piece of translation to manager or client. I don't want to be hurried up. I have myself some duties of manager and also verify other translators' work,mainly personal documents. It has often happened that an urgent translation of personal document contained significant errors, like wrong numbers of personal code. Just imagine poor people stopped at the airport because of wrong documents.
I think that this policy is inadmissible. Last week I received a piece of urgent translation. It was medical record, first of all I translated 'body' -medical data. Then this manager phoned me and said that I could have used a better word in general phrase. I did not say anything, just specified that all medical information is right.
Ideally I would prefer to do freelance work, but that's simply not possible at the moment.
In late spring, I would try to pass successfully exam to get certificate of sworn ( court) translator. And my boss wants me to pass four languages, and my God, that's a lot...
That's about juridical translation, and I have not received any training in this field and have no real experience. I just google by now to find some samples in English and French.
And tomorrow I should stand up again for myself. These moments are difficult for me, sometimes I'm just suffocating...
And yet you're holding your own, and knowing when to say no. Be proud of yourself
I really try. Unfortunately I should finish my work today.
But you aren't in work today are you?
You sound so much more confident than you did when you first joined.
I'm not in office, but I'm doing some work at home.
It's pleasant to hear that I'm more confident, it's probably true, but I'm still very fragile and can be easily hurt.
I think that's true of everyone. We all have our own triggers which hurt us. You are doing so well. Should you really be working at home?
Generally no, on week-end we should have some relax, but that's it now.
But hunni, You need to have some time off hun. If you have too much work to do at work then you need to tell them or you're never going to get time off!
That's right. I can stood up for myself, but with boss it's more difficult. And after I refuse the 'capricious' manager described earlier, my mood is getting worse, because of my risen anxiety.
And I'm also feeling so lonely and sad because of the man I've become attached to. That's probably stupid and irrelevant, but having just a little experience and risen anxiety have made me very sensitive.
Oh sweetheart! You will find the right person for you..
I hope so....
But it's hard to find or to meet the right one.
Give yourself time lovely - and by working all weekend you aren't going to get out to meet other people!
Hello Selena, I am 69 so feeling its too late to do things is very pertinent. Please dont think that means yours isnt. I was a virgin until I was about 27 and was used by a very good looking phillander, then I felt marked and found myself seeking me myself. Anyone reasonably attractive would do. And one took me so seriously and I didnt want to get involved with him, and I hadnt found anyone I could settle with either despite playing the field. I feel low and slutty. BUt when I was 28 I came upon a friend of another girl I knew, she had no serious regard for him but he interested me. he was withdrawn and depressive, and I felt kinship. I would never have expected to settle down the way I was
I trailed him and hung out of him dossed where he dossed, ( this was the hippy period) even on floors. He said little but I felt totally bonded to him.I was 28 by then. It had never occured to me that it might be too late, and I dont think early thirties is in any way late either you are still so young.
He never verbally committed just said he didnt want to go. Never said he loved me, but I loved him. After 4 years I said I needed to know because I wanted children. He didnt say anything so I just let myself get pregnant. he rejoiced, he was obviously really happy and loved my child, he was out of his depression, but I would never have known that could happen. It was obvious he intended to commit then.
What I am saying it you too might need to just accept anyone until you find one is special. They could turn up anytime or anywhere, but moving in circles where people like you are is important. I never wanted to be involved in non depressives as they would not have understood me atall.
Anyway, I went on to have another child three years later. And my last aged 39, if I had been able ( health problems) I would have gone on to have more.
I think it depends on how old you are biologically, some people age so much faster than others.
We have been together 42 years now, I would never have thought it was possible. My second son got very hung up in his mid twenties about not having a steady girl but not at age 32 he has a serious relationship and they are getting married next year. My other son having made a relationship at 30 broke up with her andis now 37 and about to get married next year too. 30,s are nothing you have loads and loads of time, maybe you dont realise you might not be ready yet, give yourself a break, there are plenty of fish in the sea and if you swim in the right place I am sure you could find one. xxx
Thank you for sharing your experience, gillcm, I appreciate it, that has really helped me a lot!
My problem is that I'm becoming very fast attached to someone, and that makes me suffer.
Hang on, I think I'm confused - is this someone who you are having conversations with? I thought the guy you liked online wasn't online?
Yes, I've forgotten to update. He appeared but he's so distant and complex, I can't read his thoughts. There are just a few guys who I can talk with. Some men simply vanished from site. There was a guy who seemed nice but then became too insistent like that I should do any of his commands. That online field is not easy at all.
Hunni, if you're becoming attached with someone you've not met and have had few conversations with then I wonder if online dating is for you. Just because you liked the look of him and have talked to him a bit does not make a relationship. It may not be the environment that suits you
Hunni, if you're becoming attached with someone you've not met and have had few conversations with then I wonder if online dating is for you. Just because you liked the look of him and have talked to him a bit does not make a relationship. It may not be the environment that suits you
It's probably because of my general feeling of loneliness. After work my only desire is to get some rest. I understand everything just don't get some things spiritually.
Besides sometimes for me it's difficult to start conversation, like thinking 'what if he doesn't answer or what if he says something unpleasant?'
That's not wise, but that how the things work for me at the moment.
I'm so busy now that only online dating can be a ...fantastic...solution.
All 'online affair' with this guy hasn't worked and it's probably for both of us because we're belonging to very different religions and values. He's probably a coward, because I will never be afraid to date someone of different cultural background unless he is tolerant enough. It's not fair to say one thing and then act differently, at least he was sincere and probably stopped everything online.
I apologize for any mistakes written in a hurry.
I think you need to start realising how awesome you are. You are lovely, intelligent, kind, caring, compassionate, strong and absolutely amazing. I often forget that you aren't writing in your first language...
Thank you for kind words, I've really needed some support.
When you have a lot of work, from one side this is good, because one forgets about dailly struggles. From other side, after work I can feel absolutely lonely and exhausted...
When was the last time you did something lovely that you wanted to do? Not work, just fun?
Oh, that was around three months ago or less.
Then you need to do something about it! Finish work and then go out and do something just for you!
That's a really good idea, maybe going for a walk in a nearby park, if weather is going to be fine.
Yes that would be brilliant. Just go and sit in the park and watch the world go by for a while....
Yes that would be brilliant. Just go and sit in the park and watch the world go by for a while....
Sounds lovely
It did to me too. Take a book or a magazine or some knitting or crochet or a sketch pad or a camera. Just get out and away from work for a while. It's good for the soul.
Today has been a liile difficult and I'm in a way exhausted, but content.That'about my work.
I've received messages from dating sites stating that I'm quite popular and men are interested in me besides the fact that I'm a little overweight.
A guy asked me what I'm searching for, friendship or serious relation, I don't know what to say because I'm not sure yet that I like him.
And I don't know how to discuss with these men. They are full of life, while I'm "dead introvert".
I'm thirty and I want something more, I do not want to lose any more time and stay closed.
An overweight acquaintance of mine told me that a man could laugh while going to bed with me.That he will probably laugh of my body and try to offend me. I really do not know what to think...
I think that's a disgusting thing to say! I'm overweight but my husband tells me I'm beautiful every day, even though I was slim when we got married. My friend is a very large lady and her hubby is skinny, but they're together because they're perfect for each other.
Be honest, hunni, if a man asks you what you're looking for - tell him you're looking for a relationship not a fling. It's not worth wasting your time on someone who's not interested in the same thing you are
Thank you for advice, I'll try to do it right.
I think that the person who said that to you is not a real friend! Disgraceful behaviour!
Besides, I'm so stupid with all my 'belief ' in dreams and other apparent signs.
I've just messaged a guy who I like, but he probably doesn't share my feelings. It's stupid that I acted this way because of my belief in dream. I will delete his photos and be more intelligent. Although it's sad, at this moment...
Why do you think he doesn't share your feelings? What do you mean by your belief in dreams?
I'm always thinking negatively. Oh, once I had a bad dream and it nearly came true, that's stupid but sometimes I'm afraid to get asleep. I have a fear of nightmares.
Hey you, what's happened? You were sounding much more confident and now you just sound sad...
Oh, that's other moment of sadness. It's all about love or let say elementary sympathy. Some men contacted me, but I've got attached with a man who does not want anything serious. I'm feeling now so stupid that I got attached so easily with him. In a way he was at last sincere, but I wanted so desperately to build something with him.It's sad that he won't probably contact me anymore. The worst thing is that I really don't want how to talk with men. Theoretically I know, but in practice that's tough and I always fear that I commit a mistake and seem ridiculous.
I know that I should have some rest on week end, boss always considers that our work is not enough. Today I've finished a srious translation, but she has given me 3 additional translations. My free time has probably defnitely gone.
There are a lot of guys on the internet who are looking for sex only, and some who are genuinely decent people looking for love. You will get better at working out who is who over time.
The more you give up your evenings and weekends the more she will expect you to do so lovely.
So, here has started another week. It's not too bad, but I'm feeling a little bit exhausted.
I nearly finish my biggest translation of man-woman psychological aspects of relationship. There are some good pieces of advice there, so in my free time I'll consider translating something into English and putting them here.
And I'm also somewhat anxious. I don't remember last time I saw a movie or simply read a book, probably in end of summer...
Dating...it's not easy, but little by little I'm getting used to online dating environment.
What annoys me? A blog of woman who is always laughing of people with specific mental and physical conditions...
Oh sweetheart it sounds to me that you need to switch off a bit!
That's right.
You know, there are a lot ( for me at least) of guys who want to contact me, but I'm always afraid that someone tells me something wrong.
A guy insists that I give him my phone number, but I don't want, and he is from Tunis. I won't give him any contact information, it's just hard to deal with it. I can't give any contact information immediately.
Can you block him, hunni?
I should check.
I'm getting anxious when someone is putting pressure on me.
I'm not sure if online dating is for you right now, sweetie
Definitely don't be pressured into something you don't want and don't give out any contact details until you are happy...
Oh, just ignore the insane people but met some nice guys, thanks for advice.
:) easier said that done but have faith in yourself :)
Definitely the best to not share your information with someone you're not comfortable with. You made a good call.
I finished my big translation, but I'm so exhausted!
You know I've found a correlation between extrawork, sleepless nights and growing anxiety. This miserable feeling when you consider yourself useless...
Besides, yesterday a guy on dating site sent me his photo on the beach and asked for similar photo of mine. Of course he is not serious at all, but it really saddens me that I'm overweight and this could turn them off.
Some guys ask for skype and FB. As far as it concerns FB I've created additional semi-empty account and really don't know what to do.
If someone doesn't think it's worth getting to know you rather than what they see in a photo then I promise you that they aren't worth your time or worry x
I'm so exhausted that I was nearly falling on my way home!
About dating, just a little question for those who can answer. How much time should pass before you give your FB ( let's say additional one) and/or skype to a man who seems to share common values?
Just doesn't want to hurry things up.
Share that kind of information when you want to. I don't think that there is a set time?
Share that kind of information when you want to. I don't think that there is a set time?
So do I, but of these guys seem so impatient, like they have never seen women before.
Then they're out for one thing. Ignore them
Totally agree with Paula!
I'm so exhausted that I was nearly falling on my way home!
About dating, just a little question for those who can answer. How much time should pass before you give your FB ( let's say additional one) and/or skype to a man who seems to share common values?
Just doesn't want to hurry things up.
don't do either; you are already communicating online, that is what the website is for., so what's the point in giving out extra personal online information to strangers? you have to meet up with people for a coffee or something, after communicating on the website for a while, to know if there is any future.
Finally the end of the week, I've had a real torture with translation of some judicial documents into French!
Thank you, mitz, I've just got little lost in the big wood of online dating.
And there's another reason for sadness. I've met an apparently normal guy online, but a woman told me that men of this ethnicity are not to trust and I should cut everything. I don't give all information, just finding out about 'love rats'. I really hesitate what to do next.
I think it's incredibly racist of that woman to state that "men of his ethnicity aren't to trust!" You get good and not so good men, women and children of every ethnicity!
Trust your gut instinct. Do not hand out Skype or any other info if you don't want to.
If you want to do Skype, then perhaps set up a separate account for anyone you meet online. Be prepared that some guys will seem normal and then become inappropriate on Skype.
Regarding the guy you think is nice.... well, if he is then he is nice. I notice some of your friends say some incredibly judgemental things! But I would try to meet someone who lives near you, so you can easily meet up if you want to.
Yes, and they are not real friends by the way. It's sad that I trusted them before.
I know some of people will probably be laughing, but I cried when I received some messages from good guys.
I think I should probably slow things down. I'm exhausted at work,too 'excited' with this new dating proposals for me and I'm tired of all remarks of so called friends...
I'm feeling how my soul is filling with anxiety and eternal sadness...
I know some of people will probably be laughing, but I cried when I received some messages from good guys.
No ones laughing, I've seen friends go through similar things. Are you able to see online dating as fun - you may be able to relax more?
No ones laughing, I've seen friends go through similar things. Are you able to see online dating as fun - you may be able to relax more?
Yes, ok. The thing is that some men go wild, like they've never seen women before.
Just imagine, someone asked me if I could spend a night with him. I said no, it's too soon for me. He apologised, at least he was sincere.
Yes, ok. The thing is that some men go wild, like they've never seen women before.
Just imagine, someone asked me if I could spend a night with him. I said no, it's too soon for me. He apologised, at least he was sincere.
No hunni, he wasn't sincere. If he was sincere he wouldn't have asked you to spend the night with him when you don't know him. He was pretending to be sincere so you'd think he was ok.
My hubby once told me not to believe a single word a man says (until he's proved you can trust him) because the chances are that the majority are 'only trying to get into your knickers'. It's a wide statement that isn't true, of course, but his point was that women need to protect their emotions because sometimes you will find a man who will say anything and it's best to be prepared.
There are many, many decent men out there, lovely, but those who want to spend a night with you without even meeting you are not decent, whatever they say
Definitely not laughing love...
I'm a little annoyed because I have only one photo posted on my profile. It is clear, but it's only face photo. They ask for more photos and FB. Actually I do not have more photos, they don't know anything about my 'inability' to look straight in the mirror and anxiety related to PCOS. I don't have camera and I donţt know what to do.
Then say not at the moment!
I've said not.
Actually I've got a little bit excited and anxious about what has recently happened.
I received many proposals on dating sites, I was ready to ask what they found out in me, but preferrred to stay quite. And even some proposals from different countries and I'm a little nervous while answering.
And now about some strange moments:
1. I've discovered a married man pretending that he is single.
2. A man asked me if I'm virgin, I did not answer his question.
3. Some 'one -night stand ' proposals.
4. An obsessive man who told me to talk only to him, he's blocked.
Nearly all of them asking for my skype or FB.
And the most important - apparently there is a serious normal guy, but I don't trust him either. Really I don't want to suffer so I told him not to hurry the things up.
And among all the chaos: today my estranged father called me and told me that I'm his beloved daughter...
I've done two little translations, so not so much spare time for me today.
How do you feel about the call from your father?
Why did you do the translations?
How do you feel about the call from your father?
Why did you do the translations?
Strange, but it was a good feeling. I've always suffered because of absence of father in my life. It left a certain empty space in my soul. I've had a stepfather who tried to harass me and I've always needed a man on whose shoulder I can cry, who I can trust. I've forgiven my father,but he is still a stranger for me.
I wanted to do them on Saturday, but I just did not realize how tired I was.
But aren't they work translations? You aren't paid to work over the weekend are you?
I think you're handling the minefield of online introductions really, really well.
But aren't they work translations? You aren't paid to work over the weekend are you?
I think you're handling the minefield of online introductions really, really well.
No and I don't know how to talk to my boss, because I'm getting anxious.
Oh hunni! Remember, you are a brilliant and wonderful person. Talk to her. Tell her that your workload is too much.
I am due to confess something - I'm caught again in depression mares and that's all because of the latest pressure on me. And I'm feeling the lumps again, it's probably nerves or I don't know. I'm struggling not to cry, I can't cope with all this work because I do also have manager duties. Today I stood up to one very insistent manager who wanted me to translate 10 pages+ in out of work time. I explained her that I should go to the doctor, she proposed me to work after medical procedures in the evening, just imagine! And she does not even do any translation work. But this time I stood up for myself, she is always having a good sleep while I'm already feeling exhausted and exploited.
With dating...I don't understand anything... I put only one photo of my face and got some proposals, and from men from different countries. Now I'm hesitating because they haven't seen my body and on skype, 'once they see me they run' because I'm not skinny or exactly average. I'm probably getting insane. And there is a young man who apparently wants something serious, although he wanted something else before. We've got friendly, but I don't know, I can't trust anyone. And besides he's of different culture and religion. That's not an obstacle but I just don't know their mentality. Sometimes I feel he cares about me, last time he asked if I could ever consider marriage to a person of different ethnicity and race. I'm feeling that he likes me and that's reciprocal feeling, but I hesitate. I'm not going crazy about, just like him.
Well done for standing up to them. That's absolutely disgraceful asking you to work evenings when you already do 5.5 days a week. Speak to the manager and say you have enough translations to do without everything else you're being given. It sounds as if she is desperate to keep you so you have the upper hand.
I completely agree! Your "out of work" hours are just that - so you DON'T keep working! No one would be able to cope with all that you are asked to do!
With regard to that guy - sweetheart, there really isn't any rush. Don't settle for something that is "OK". You deserve to feel like a princess!
I completely agree! Your "out of work" hours are just that - so you DON'T keep working! No one would be able to cope with all that you are asked to do!
With regard to that guy - sweetheart, there really isn't any rush. Don't settle for something that is "OK". You deserve to feel like a princess!
I'm afraid because first he was interested in a night, then he said that he is interested in something more, but I don't want to hurry the things.
Hunni, I hope I'm wrong but he asked you for the night, which you said no to. So he seems to have changed tack to telling you he wants long term. Please make very, very sure that he's not just playing a game
I told him that I need time and he should be patient.
And just imagine, one of them proposed to sleep in the same bed like brother ans sister and that he won't touch me. Did he think that I am so naive?
A colleague told me that I should not consider dating a man unless he has undergraduate or postgraduate level, saying that I should not date a sanitary technician or something like. That hurt me because I believe it does not matter so much.
At work quite, now again a serious translation supposed to be finished in two weeks.
I think you should date who you want to date!
Absolutely agree! And I think you're being brilliant dealing with these men :)
I'm sad because I'm feeling the lumps again.
I'm already exhausted and need a holiday.
And I'm sad because the guy who I liked began to lose his interest after I said that I can't go to his country now.
If he's losing interest for that reason then he's not the right one and certainly doesn't deserve you!
Yes, Suzi, but it's so sad, I know that's stupid but I'm nearly crying.
Not stupid at all. You are worth more than these men....
What are the lumps, hunni?
What are the lumps, hunni?
I'm feeling them in neck.
Have you had them checked out?
Have you had them checked out?
Yes, but not in cancer center.I'm afraid.
Sweetheart, they would have sent you to the cancer centre if they had any doubts. And, from what you've said, they go up and down. Cancer doesn't do that. Ever.
Here is ok.
A serious client liked my translation and my boss wants me to translate more and in different languages. Sincerely I doubt about translating psychogical text into French, here it is better to take native speaker or at least editor, but there is no editor.
And the last, I'm feeling a little unhappy as I've received only little amount of money for such a serious work. A lot of it went into my boss's pocket.
However, I like this kind of translation and I'm happy to have accomplished a serious work. I found profile of author who liked what I did and I wish my name would have been mentioned, I wish to include this work in my portfolio.
Do you not have an agreed salary yet?
There is an agreed salary. The thing is that the salary for manager duties is fixed, while price for translations varies and here it's a 'vixen' game. I've heard that my boss got from client around 300$, but I've barely got 30.
If you continue to take on such work then perhaps you should ask for a salary review. It does sound rather unfair but remember your boss has overheads such as the office, other workers etc.
Yes, I've thought about it but want to wait until I pass my exam in late spring.
Just don't take on too much for too little pay lovely.
I'm a little disappointed after a yesterday discussion with the man on dating site.
I put it down here:
He:So you won't be coming to my country?
Me: No, not now.
He: If your colleagues do not come, you can come by yourself. Pay for trip.
Me: I don't have the money ( and it's true now).
He: So that's just how it is. I can pay if it's ok for me.
Me:Ok, I'll check it. It's about 400 $ both directions. ( Of course I won't come so suddenly because I can't trust him yet).
He: No, it's too expensive for me. I'm sorry.
Me: I'm afraid I won't come first anyway because of all situation. Maybe you can come first.
He: I'm afraid I can't. But if I paid, you would come?
Me: I'm afraid no.
He: Then we're just losing time. But I want to chat with you and know you better.
And this man invited me earlier to his brother's place ( he is married) if I ever come. And said that he could have a job in France and pay for rent. I hate these discussions about money but I don't understand anything.
What a weird man! I am so glad you said no!
Yes, it's strange from his part to invite me to stay at his place and then say good-bye, or what?
I'm not at all about the money, but that sounds too strange for me. I've told him it's ok, he's adult and if he wants to see me he will find a way.
Jaquaia
28-11-15, 12:05 PM
I've not really kept up with anything on here as the last few weeks have been so rough on me, my apologies.
I just wanted to say, it doesn't matter if you are overweight Selena. I am massively so! If men are worth it, they will think you're beautiful no matter what you look like and they will not care what dress size you wear. A lot of men actually like a bigger woman; I am on another site, which I won't discuss here, that has shown me that bigger women can be incredibly sexy and beautiful and there are many men that share that view. I currently have a very attractive Greek guy interested in me. We can talk for hours, and about everything; books, movies, art, music. He values my intelligence, he always tells me that I am beautiful and he is planning on coming to see me. It may not happen, but I am loving feeling wanted and beautiful after so long of being told that I am neither. The right man will come along and he will see you for who you are, an intelligent, lovely and warm person. He will worship you and treat you like a princess and that will be what you deserve.
Thank you, Jaq, it's a great support.
I wish you all the best too!
I'm afraid I have done nothing good today. No translation I mean, I've been just relaxing.
Jaquaia
28-11-15, 02:54 PM
So? Sometimes you need to spend time just doing things for you, whether that is reading, watching films or just sitting and relaxing. If you feel better for just relaxing then I think it has been a very good day!
I think that's a good thing :)
OldMike
28-11-15, 04:49 PM
I'm afraid I have done nothing good today. No translation I mean, I've been just relaxing.
Relaxing is good whether it's computer gaming, listening to music, doing a crossword or just chillin'.
Listening to classical music and falling asleep in a chair is all I've done today.
I would like to ask for your opinion. Not about my weight this time, about my present not very brilliant financial situation. Could this turn men off?
I think its none of their business about your financial situation, not right now anyway. I also think you should concentrate on meeting with people that live near you. I don't think I like the idea of you going to another country to meet a man you've never met before.
So do I, and this question was rather unexpected and that I should pay trip myself in order to see him immediately.
That's just weird Selena. What dating site are you using?
Ok cupid, e-harmony international, connectingsingles.
I'll tell about my other fear.
A lot of guys ask for my facebook or skype. Of course I won't give it immediately.
BUT! A lot of years ago, when I started gaining weight, I lost all my confidence and never decided to built a profile again. I have nearly no photos and a little bit professional account without photos. So, I give them my FB and there there are no photos...What should I do?
OldMike
28-11-15, 07:42 PM
I would like to ask for your opinion. Not about my weight this time, about my present not very brilliant financial situation. Could this turn men off?
Your financial situation should no come into the equation. If a guy only want's a relationship with someone who owns property or has a big bank balance that guy isn't worth having.
Take some selfies Selena. Do your hair and makeup and take some photos.
I am still concerned you are meeting a lot of people online who don't live near you and are expecting a lot immediately, I don't have a solution but I would urge you to be very careful.
It will be difficult for me.
I try to be very careful.
OldMike
28-11-15, 08:22 PM
Take some selfies Selena. Do your hair and makeup and take some photos.
I am still concerned you are meeting a lot of people online who don't live near you and are expecting a lot immediately, I don't have a solution but I would urge you to be very careful.
I can only echo Rose be extremely careful. I've known of a couple of cases where people have met using a dating site connected to a classical radio station here in the uk and they've ended up getting married so it can work.
Hugo-agogo
28-11-15, 10:15 PM
So do I, and this question was rather unexpected and that I should pay trip myself in order to see him immediately.
Wow! Who does he think he is?! Definitely avoid.
Thanks, Hugo, and that's not all.
Last discussion, his suggestion:" We'll do this way:talk through skype, if we go on, you come to my country, then we'll marry and leave safely for your country."
Although I posted clearly my photo on dating site, I'm afraid to talk on camera with any guy because face is usually getting worse on camera. Or maybe is it just in my mind?
Jaquaia
29-11-15, 10:55 AM
Be very careful. Reading that my first thought is that he is after a visa.
Be very careful. Reading that my first thought is that he is after a visa.
Yep, I think that too. I am really not sure about the men you are meeting on these sites.
What about trying a speed-dating night in your local area?
Yep, I think that too. I am really not sure about the men you are meeting on these sites.
What about trying a speed-dating night in your local area?
It's not bad idea, but I'm not in my country now, but I could try anyway, just have to get some information.
Be very careful. Reading that my first thought is that he is after a visa.
That does sound like it
It's not bad idea, but I'm not in my country now, but I could try anyway, just have to get some information.
Are you living abroad from your home country? I meant to try speed dating wherever you are living now.
Just keep being careful lovely.
Today I have been so distracted, I've got till the door of my office and realized that I forgot the keys. And had to return back home.
Jaquaia
30-11-15, 04:58 PM
We all have days like that. Don't worry about it (panda)
And the office where I'm working is rather cold, I've been coughing all the last time and I don't like it.
I'm not feeling well and I'm actually afraid of serious illness and death. That's stupid, I know, but that's the way I'm feeling.
OldMike
30-11-15, 07:02 PM
And the office where I'm working is rather cold, I've been coughing all the last time and I don't like it.
I'm not feeling well and I'm actually afraid of serious illness and death. That's stupid, I know, but that's the way I'm feeling.
I don't like cold rooms either. I' much prefer to be cosy and warm. Maybe a hint to your boss may get the heating raised a couple of degrees.
I really hope that your day has been better and warmer!
A lot of work, otherwise it's ok.
I was so afraid of working reunions at the beginning, today I'm afraid a little too, but my boss has actually praised me.
About online dating...I hate when I realize that I'm getting too much attached to a guy.
It's everything more or less, but these days I'm really afraid of having cancer, because I've read about some symptoms that could be related...
OldMike
03-12-15, 07:50 PM
It's everything more or less, but these days I'm really afraid of having cancer, because I've read about some symptoms that could be related...
If you've got symptoms that may relate to cancer see your doctor straight away.
If you've no symptoms and are just worried about what may happened in the future, then don't try to second guess what may or may not happen in the future.
Selena, if you read about things and then almost make those symptoms fit you it can be so hard to deal with. The same with terrorism etc.. Whilst it's good to be alert the chances of anything happening to you is so statistically unlikely....
If you have any symptoms then you should go and talk things over with your Dr, but it doesn't mean it's the worst case scenario..
If you've got symptoms that may relate to cancer see your doctor straight away.
If you've no symptoms and are just worried about what may happened in the future, then don't try to second guess what may or may not happen in the future.
I have some symptoms that are bothering me, but I'm afraid to get a check.
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