View Full Version : Finally getting through it? *trigger*

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27-02-15, 08:11 PM
Hi all

Its was last November that I posted and I guess there are lots of new people on here now who don't know me. SO my name is Pen, I am female, I am far to close to 50 for my own comfort, I have two pretty well grown up kids who live with me and a really complicated relationship with my husband of 23 years. I used to be a senior manager in IT until a series of events kicked off major clinical depression and I lost my job, 6 years ago. Now I have gone back to college and am just in my last year of a BA in Contemporary Art and professional studies (Otherwise known as how to be a professional artist and hopefully not starve whilst doing it!).

In the last year things have finally started to get better. When I first got depression I was really ill. I was terrified of how I would cope, how I would pay the bills as depression and anxiety meant that I could not face even applying for other jobs yet alone dealing with working again. Over the years I have had really bad spells when I was convinced that I should kill myself as the world would be better without me and not so bad spells. In the last six months the not so bad spells have become good spells. The really bad spells have become rare and in the last couple of months have lasted hours rather than days.

My life has changed in ways that I could not have predicted when this all started and I have had to take a really hard long look at myself and decide what is really important to me. The changes have been scary but ultimately made things better.
I sold the house that I part owned with my deceased mother at the beginning of February which meant I could pay my brothers their inheritance and buy out right a smaller house in a more convenient part of town and I could save some money. The new house comes with a lovely double garage that I am converting into a studio/training room and I plan to run courses in ceramics (which is my specialty) as well as other art stuff. All the research I have done suggests that this will be popular in the area so I am hoping to make enough to pay the bills.

I now feel stronger than I have for years. Things like a nasty letter from my the solicitor of my Brother in Law (very long story involving another house belonging to my husbands family) I can now put to one side to deal with later without feeling that I either need to reach for the lorzapam or go and hide under the duvet whilst my insides turn themselves upside down.

Five years ago I asked a psychiatrist how long it would take for me to get better, he did not know the answer of course, but if he had said 5 years I would have been horrified but everyone gets through this at their own pace.

I am still on anti depressants albeit at a reduced dose but have come off all the anxiety medication. I am still with the community mental health team but have been stepped down so that I no longer have a care coordinator just a "reviewing officer" who will be in touch in about 6 months. If things get bad again I can still call the team if I need help and if it becomes another long spell I would be allocated my old Care coordinator again quickly.

I thought I would share this to reassure people that you can get through this, even if life has to change to make it happen. There are a few things I have learnt along the way that I would also like to share:-

Learn yourself. It took me years but I now can tell when things are starting me on the downward spiral and that I need to do something to stop it like going to bed early, or stopping what I am doing and do something else.

Learn which friends you can trust. I have lost so many friends through my illness, friends I thought would understand but who really just could not "get" my illness and walked out of my life and it HURT. I now have a few really good friends that I can tell when I am having a bad time and friends who I would have a laugh and a joke with but would never tell how I was really feeling.

Get out the house and try to talk to someone everyday. Even if it is only going to the shop for a bottle of milk, use the till not the self service and talk to the cashier!

Exercise really does help but you don't need to go to the gym or jog for hours. Even when you feel that putting on clothes is a bridge too far, try and go for a walk. I have a dog called Ember and we walk for about an hour to an hour and a half every day.

To quote the Americans "Don't sweat over the small stuff" When you are down you only have a small amount of energy, use it on whats important. Pay the bills, eat and drink, get to the appointments. The housework can wait till you feel better (or get someone else to do it!).

27-02-15, 08:17 PM
Its good to see you Pen, and it sounds like life has really taken a step in the right direction and in a really positive way.

27-02-15, 08:28 PM
Pen, I am so happy to see you. When I first joined here your posts resonated with me the most, and I have often wondered how you were getting on while you weren't around. I am so glad to hear things are on the up. Selling the house and moving was a huge milestone so well done to you!!

27-02-15, 09:08 PM
Good to hear from you both. I will try and be on here a bit more now the move is over but I am still sorting out things like builders and electricians and have the final few months to finish off my degree so am still busy.

27-02-15, 10:40 PM
Is so wonderful to hear from you! I've been following you on Facebook but I'm so glad you've popped in to let us know how you are doing. You've been missed x

27-02-15, 11:17 PM
Hi hunni and welcome back ;) it's so good to hear all your positive news

02-03-15, 07:29 PM
I was pleased to read your news Pen. I'm glad that you have posted such an encouraging post for others to read. Thank you. Good to see you again on here.

02-03-15, 10:09 PM
Its been an exciting and scary day. The builders came to start the conversion of the garage into a studio. They have fitted about half the roof insulation and plaster board and one roof window so far. It has made the attic room look HUGE! I am really pleased with the work. The builder has made a suggestion of how I could better fit out the toilet, (including soundproofing, which I had not thought about, so that people don't have to listen to the person in the toilet having a pee!) which is fine but it will cost another £250 and I am at my budget limit now. I also need to get bannisters fitted onto the staircase to the upstairs room. That will cost another £250. It all needs doing and it will add a lot of value/desirability to my house but even so it is worrying.

Really scared about how the money will pan out over the next few months if I eat into my living fund! Dad will lend me a bit. But terrified that this business idea will not work. I have done some market research and already have over 30 leads of people who said they would be interested in coming on a course, but even so I don't know what I will do if I don't get the income I need!

02-03-15, 10:17 PM
The fact you're doing this, following your dream is amazing. I know the money side of things is worrying, as it is for any small business starting up, but I hope you will get the funds you need and do what you've always wanted to do :)

03-03-15, 10:18 AM
I think it's amazing that you are doing this! I wouldn't have thought of sound proofing either!

03-03-15, 10:20 AM
I think the soundproofing is probably a necessity.
Could hubby fit the banisters, perhaps you could find a bargain on ebay? Is there anywhere else you could make a saving, perhaps on some of the materials such as flooring?

03-03-15, 10:57 AM
I don really want to ask Hubby I would rather he was over in Wales sorting out his house sale, so I have told the builder to go ahead and do it. I know this guy will do a good job and then its done. Ember fell off the stairs last night, luckily she did not hurt herself but I was relieved and don't want that to happen again.

I don't have any plans for the flooring now. I took the new floor covering off the budget. It is good solid level concrete on the floor so I will just buy some floor paint when I have the funds and paint it. Maybe if I make enough money I will buy a lino later. Upstairs already has a reasonable carpet, although I did bring two very large Ikea rag rugs from the old house.

I will still need to paint everything but that does not need to be expensive paint. I can't decide what colour to paint the new studio upstairs. White, Magnolia or pale yellow are the leading contenders at the moment.

It is all very exciting and I am trying hard to focus on that and not dwell to much on the money. I have done various forecasts and it SHOULD all pan out. I have managed to cope for nearly 50 years without going into debt so I am sure that I can do it now.

03-03-15, 11:02 AM
Will you need to risk assess your new studio if you are going to run classes? Can you do things differently as Rose suggests...

03-03-15, 12:54 PM
Yes but that is fine, I know how to do a risk and fire assessment.

Not very well today. Anxiety is running really high.

Supposed to have gone to college but had to wait for the electricity man who has still not turned up.
College seems overwhelming at the moment with so much to do.
Have told the builders to do all the work but now am working that I have not done the right thing.
Switched the vacuum on and it blew the fuse
Had a letter from the council which I don't know what to do about.

03-03-15, 01:05 PM
I'm very anxious today since I went out on the road this morning. I've a sick feeling in my tummy and I'm sure I'm going to be sick soon. I don't know where it has come from, but it's like the sensation you get before you go to the dentist. I'm even wondering whether to go to school or not.
Best of luck in your new home and I hope that the electric is back on before much longer.

03-03-15, 01:17 PM
Do you want to talk about the letter from the council?
Do you still have support at college? How is it going? Is it "just" because of everything going on wrt the building works that you don't feel up to it?

03-03-15, 01:19 PM
One thing at a time, hunni.

You can't do anything about college so try to forget that, missing one isn't going to do too much harm
Can you talk to your tutor and try to break down what needs to be done to make it easier to deal with?
You've done what you gave to with the builders - the decisions made so just let them get on with it now
Sorry, no idea about the Hoover
Do you want yo talk about the letter?

03-03-15, 01:22 PM
I just feel totally overloaded (like Rose) My mind is bouncing around like a kangaroo. I am going to go and draw a mind map and see if that helps. I will tell you all about the council letter later.

03-03-15, 01:26 PM
You do have a lot going on right now. I hope the mind map helps lovely.. If there's anything we can do to help then shout.

03-03-15, 06:46 PM
Just wanted to say hello. (hi)
As you said, i suppose there must be a lot of new people (as you can tell by the name ive only been around a few months)
but firstly wanted to say hi, and secondly thank you for your post and your advice
I cant imagine my life in 5 years time but it sounds like you have some great plans in place
Hope the house conversion runs smoothly!

03-03-15, 07:08 PM
How's the overload doing hunni?

03-03-15, 08:25 PM
Pen, if it helps, I think you made the right choice about the building work. Like you said, it has to be done and this is an investment in your future. I would go with white for the studio, because white paint you can buy in huge tubs at a cheaper price.
Concrete floor is edgy and modern so stick with it, as long as its warm!

Is the fuse box the type where you flick the fuse, or you actually have to put a new fuse in with wire and all that palava?

03-03-15, 10:43 PM
Thank you everyone for your comments this afternoon. My college mentor came and said that I needed to stop doing college work today and calm down. I took a lorzapan did a bit of gardening till my fingers got too cold and then curled up in bed and went to sleep.

Most of the studio will be white but I may do the small amount of wall space upstairs in something warmer.

Thankfully the fuse box was replaced just before Christmas so all I needed to do was reset the switch thankfully. I don't know if the vacuum blew the fuse or if just the combination of the power tools being used in the garage plus the cleaner tripped it out. I am hoping it was the vacuum as I really hate it. It is very heavy and noisy, unfortunately hubby bought it for my birthday a few years ago so I have to tread carefully about getting rid of it!

Now the council..... OMG what a mess.
Firstly despite changing my address online then sending them a letter notifying them of the new address AND getting an email from them confirming that they have my new address a letter turned up this morning forwarded from the old address.

The letter said I had not sent them something but I was confused as to what they wanted so I rang them. The guy said that there was nothing they were waiting for, but I have been in this situation before where the council has told me that everything was in order only to get a letter a couple of days later saying they were cutting me off for not sending them stuff. The council seem to dream up stuff they want at random and when I send it I then get letters saying I have not sent it and they are cutting my benefits. Even sending stuff special delivery does not help. A friend has said he will come down to the council offices with me and we will take the stuff, trouble is I no longer am sure what it is they want!

04-03-15, 12:15 AM
The council sound like right numpties.

It was probably a combination of everything going at once, but I seem to need a new vacuum cleaner at least once a year, once the cat hair gets in it its clogged up and nothing gets it out.
And no, I am not even doing this (although this cat looks a lot like my Lizzy):


04-03-15, 10:14 AM
Lol Rose!

Did you ask them for it in writing that you don't need to provide any other documentation?

04-03-15, 07:30 PM
Its no good asking the council to put anything in writing. Even when I have it in writing they seem to change their minds about what they want.

Had a much better day today. Went into college and had a day sculpting and carving a giant fish. Not only was a lot of fun and very relaxing but my tutor came and was very approving of what I was doing (which was good as if he had not been he would have found himself WEARING a fish).
The builders are cracking on as well the upstairs is finished and will be ready to paint at the weekend. The bannisters are partly up and the old toilet and cubicle have been ripped out and a new cubicle is up. They have altered the light switch for me which I did not ask for but will be so useful. The way they have gone on I would not be surprised if they finish tomorrow.
I also have a date for the surveyor to come and measure up the garage doors so the window company can manufacture the windows. Hopefully it wont take too long to get them made and fitted. I am still hoping that I will be able to officially open my studio on the 1st April.

04-03-15, 07:36 PM
This all sounds amazing! The studio sounds so fab!

04-03-15, 10:14 PM
That's fantastic, and the pics looked awesome!

04-03-15, 10:40 PM
Wow! The builders seem to be moving fast!

05-03-15, 05:10 PM
Oh I so look forward to the end of this course! I love doing the practical and actually I don't mind the written work I just wish that there was not so much of it to be done at any one time. I am fed up to the back teeth with writing and giving presentations!! Had to give one today and will have to give another two in two weeks time! I have so much written work I have to do I don't know if I have time to do any practical and to make it worst it seems like I have to effectively do two research projects (whilst everyone else has to do one) as they have decided that my initial project does not cover enough about my own work but as the one I proposed covers the business elements I still have to do that as well.

I also came home to a letter from that bloody solicitor of S's. Even when I give him the good news that the house is going on the market he finds something to gripe about. It screws me up inside every time I even see that I have an email from him long before I read it.

However the builder has finished. I have a lovely new loo and cubicle and bannister. I joked about that I now have a loo with out a hole in it (There was a toilet in situ when I came but there was a great hole in the bottom like something heavy had been dropped in it) he then confessed that when they arrived his son was bursting and peed in the old loo not realising that it was smashed and they had to mop it up quick!

05-03-15, 05:19 PM
Oh no! At least they mopped it up! Can't believe they've finished already!

05-03-15, 05:43 PM
(rofl) bless him for being honest.

05-03-15, 06:53 PM

I have uploaded some pictures of the completed work.

05-03-15, 08:02 PM
That's so funny about the broken toilet!!
Loving the studio :)

05-03-15, 08:06 PM
You would think a builder would know better than to pee in a toilet just because its there!!

05-03-15, 08:12 PM
Yeh you would LOL.
The house is on the market, and solicitors will ALWAYS have a gripe, that's their job. It would be great if your hubby could maybe take a little more responsibility for this, you have always said that your financial lives are separate, does he think its fair to land you with the stress of this?

05-03-15, 09:03 PM
Well hubby belongs in another world. He has always been an innocent. All through our lives together he has relied on my to be the one to deal with official stuff. He's the practical, fix taps, hang shelves type of guy and together we have a partnership. At least he is going to get the house on the market.
My daughter said that I was only one who would ever have been able to persuade him.

05-03-15, 10:08 PM
The studio looks fabulous!

05-03-15, 11:49 PM
It's stunning, Pen, I'm so glad you got the house you wanted, with the chance to build the studio you wanted. You deserve this, lovely

06-03-15, 09:03 AM
Thanks. Not sure I do. I am still convinced something will go terribly wrong, it does not seem right that things are working out after so long. I am terrified that I will spend this money and no-one will come on my courses.

06-03-15, 10:35 AM
Oh why does the sun have to be shining when I have so much college work to do? I keep looking at my empty pots through the window that are begging to have plants put in them. Knowing I have the plants and the compost is really not helping either!!

06-03-15, 12:49 PM
Oh no! I know for me I'd have to do the pots in the sun!

06-03-15, 02:24 PM
Hi Pen! So great to hear that you are doing so well :) You are someone I always wonder about even though I'm completely lame at actually messaging you. I've only just gotten around to reading this thread.

I've written down down so of your tips in the first post because I think it might really help me, so thanks for that too.

It is really exciting what you have done with your life. The pics look great. There's just one thing I was wondering about, and I really don't want to cause you any anxiety.. but you might want to check it out if you are planning to hold classes in that new workshop.. that is the gaps in the guarding on the stairs. I'm sure the building regs say you are not supposed to be able to get a 100mm sphere through the gaps, and not have anything that children will want to climb. Unless you can say that it is highly unlikely that young children will use the building. If it is just for your own private use only, please forget I said anything.. but otherwise it might be worth a conversation with your builder. It is an easy fix if that is a problem though. So no worries! It looks great :)

So lovely to see you.. and you are doing so well I really wouldn't worry about a few stressful times.. anyone would feel that way. You've come so far! :)

06-03-15, 04:57 PM
Thanks Emmy I have messaged you.

The sun won in the end and I had to go and plant some pots. Did a bit more college research then thought I'll just pop up to Boots and get my meds and on the way I will get a tin of paint at Homebase.... WELL spent an hour and a half in Homebase and over £70, had to get someone to help me to the car! However now have a home for the raspberry bush we brought from the old house and the 4ft acer hubby brought back from his house (where he has been looking after it for the last 16 years (supposed to be a temporary arrangement) and the shrub that he brought to add a bit of height and greenery to our "yard". The previous owner obviously did not like gardening and the entire back garden has been paved. I was thinking I would take it up, but
a: It seems a massive job,
b: It is easy to clean and the dog does not bring so much mud in to the house,
c: Having pots and planters gives me lots of flexibility to rearrange things as my fancy takes me and to bring seasonal plants in and out of show as required
d: In the summer I will be able to extend classes to outside if the weather is good and
e:Its rather grown on me!

06-03-15, 06:53 PM
Well done! Sounds like a good day!

07-03-15, 11:11 AM
Right I have been up since 7. I showered and put clean clothes on. In the last 4 hours I have managed to get mud, coffee, nutella, hot cross bun and cereal down my front. Things are not boding well for me keeping clean whilst I do some painting and gardening!!

07-03-15, 11:18 AM
Lol, I'm so glad it isn't just me who manages to do that!

07-03-15, 12:14 PM
Cleans overrated ;)

07-03-15, 01:49 PM
Now I can add apricot jam to the list. Whilst I don't mind being this grubby I think I may have to change before I take Dad out for a cream tea this afternoon!

07-03-15, 08:05 PM
oo I love apricot jam ;)

07-03-15, 10:23 PM
ARRGGG Hubby!!
Spoke to him tonight and he is talking again of not selling and trying to get a loan. I think he has as much chance of doing so as flying to the moon but I can't persuade him.

07-03-15, 10:25 PM
Perhaps it's a process he needs to go through. If he tries, and gets rejected, maybe reality will hit? My hubby normally goes the same process and ends up doing what I said in the first place, so I sympathise!

07-03-15, 10:26 PM
Oh and Marc... And my children..... I sympathise so much.

09-03-15, 12:22 AM
I think you are right, he will have to find out for himself.
Had a day of college research and painting, i miss having him around. I had hoped to get one of the men to dig a trench across the drive for the new electric cable but although my daughters bf said he would do it i am still waiting. Hubby said he will be over next week but that is only because someone wants a large hedge trimmed.

09-03-15, 08:58 AM

09-03-15, 11:33 AM
ARRGGG Hubby!!
Spoke to him tonight and he is talking again of not selling and trying to get a loan. I think he has as much chance of doing so as flying to the moon but I can't persuade him.

Can you try a little bit of tough love? If he puts the place on the market you will continue to deal with his brother's solicitor, but if he doesn't then he will have to deal with his brother's solicitor?
Another option is that he could sell a part of the land to cover his brother's share?

09-03-15, 08:22 PM
Daughters bf started the trench today (clap) however he found that 18 inches down was solid clay (lovely stuff would not have to do much to it to make pottery out of it). He worked for hours digging, but only managed about 5 feet of the 7 that is needed before he had to stop exhausted. So will have to wait another week before I can get my kiln. Was a bit naughty today. I had planned to go into college but daughter wanted to go and get some more fish for her tank. By the time I got back I was tired and jittery so I spent the afternoon painting the ceiling in the upstairs studio. Now I am totally whacked and too tired to do any homework.

09-03-15, 08:43 PM
Pain in the rear but ..... Free materials??

09-03-15, 08:57 PM
Sounds like you'd be able to make some lovely things out of that clay!

09-03-15, 09:43 PM
Oh I would... However it will have to go back into the trench to fill over the power line. ;(

09-03-15, 09:48 PM
All of it? ;) and at least you know what's under your garden :)

09-03-15, 10:07 PM
Yes pretty much. Unfortunately the whole of the back garden is paved so I can't really go mining... But the front garden has a little flowerbed which hubby thinks should go so we have more parking space, so I will be interested to get stuck in there in due course!

09-03-15, 10:42 PM
In surprised you can contain yourself! I think I'd have to start digging!

10-03-15, 07:22 PM
I would love to but I have so little time! It was pointed out to us today that we only have 9 weeks left to get everything finished and handed in.

On another note Moodscope published me again today. They have been publishing my writings quite regularly so I am quite pleased. If you want to read it you will find it at http://moodscope.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/darwin-ate-owl.html?utm_source=Daily+Emails&utm_campaign=3a715f46d0-Daily_email_10_03_153_9_2015&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_a02ca09d7d-3a715f46d0-93277445

10-03-15, 09:41 PM
Great piece!

10-03-15, 09:44 PM
Love it

10-03-15, 10:07 PM
OK I am beginning to think I may have grounds for knocking my hubby on the head. At least it might knock some sense into him! The estate agent came today along with a financial advisor. Surprise surprise he told hubby that he probably would not get a loan and that if he wanted he could tough it out with S and not sell (all things I had told him but suddenly he believed them!). Then he told hubby that maybe our kids could take out a mortgage to buy out S. Hubby likes this idea, the kids DO NOT. Hubby says that he would make the payments just that the mortgage would be in their names but my daughter in particular is worried about how he will make the payments particularly when he retires.

10-03-15, 10:17 PM
That's a lot to expect from the kids, especially as it may scupper their chances of getting their own place some day.

11-03-15, 10:22 AM
OK, I am going to share something here that I have never mentioned before.
My dad asked me to take out a loan for him in his name when I was 18. I did as I was told.
He then denied the conversation had taken place and left me with all the repayments, for some £8000.
I would strongly advise your children against taking out the loan for their dad. Hubby needs to sort this out himself.

11-03-15, 10:35 AM
Absolutely agree that it seems like an awful lot to ask of your children...

11-03-15, 12:37 PM
I got stuck with a mortgage for half the family home at 21 by my dad who I bailed out of a financial mess. The result was that not only did I have to meet the payments but I was stuck with my mum and dad living with me until I was well into my 40's! No I think the idea stinks. I have an alternative plan which I am going to have to propose to him by stealth.
1. He sells the house
2. Pays off S
3. Gives my kids a quarter share to invest and use as a deposit sometime in the future
4. He and M put their money together and buy a house and live in it.

To "help" him agree I plan to print off details of various properties in his area that he could afford so that he can see that there are options that are not as terrible as he is imagining!

11-03-15, 12:41 PM
Pen, do you mean the house you had to sell so that your sibling could get their money?

11-03-15, 12:51 PM
Yes it was a bummer!

I had hoped that seeing me move into a house that is all mine, which is actually better for us would help to make him see the world does not end with selling a house. It has helped a bit but every time he goes back to Wales the property there tugs at his heartstrings again.

11-03-15, 01:39 PM
The problem is that the house is totally impractical for living in though? It doesn't have running hot water or heating?
Realistically, he is not going to be able to live there when he is older unless he does a major upgrade to the house....He cannot be chopping wood or looking after all that land when he is in his 80s.

11-03-15, 03:57 PM
I think your plan makes so much more sense and is definitely better for the children or they will end up in the same situation if one of them needs to sell later in life...

11-03-15, 07:02 PM
Hubby seems to think that he could get a doctor to say that M would be better if he stayed put, but I am sure that if any doctor saw the condition of the house he would say that M would be better somewhere else!

Had a marathon session with my ceramics tutor today and we have hatched a plan for the end of year piece of artwork. Trouble is that I will have to finish the main centre piece (a 4 foot high 3 foot wide fish) by the end of the Easter holidays if we are going to get it dried and fired in time. That is just 4 weeks away. It is achievable but I will need to spend a LOT of time in college working on it, which with all the other written work I have to do is making me feel a bit submerged. (sweat)

11-03-15, 09:29 PM
I can understand the submerged feeling, but if you wrote a really good plan setting out well by week then I'm sure you'll manage it. I can't wait to see pics of your fish, it sounds epic!

11-03-15, 09:31 PM
I think your plan of action sounds brilliant. Stealth .....

11-03-15, 10:01 PM
Hubby really needs to face facts and let go. I think you need to step back and let him come to the realisation by himself, so you can concentrate on your college work!
I can't wait to see more of your art!

12-03-15, 07:55 AM
Thanks Suzi, my tutor said the same thing, I will have to see if I can find a good way of doing it electronically as if I write it on paper I would just lose it at the moment!

13-03-15, 02:09 PM
Found a great liitle app that works between my phone and laptop so that every time i think of something i have to do i can note it and it will synch beween the devices. Been flat out carving for the last two days. Here at college at the.moment having a break.

13-03-15, 02:46 PM
That sounds like a brilliant ap!

13-03-15, 04:00 PM
Sounds like a good app hun x

13-03-15, 05:14 PM
Yes it is. You can catagorise the tasks into whatever groups you want and set completion dates and reminders. There is also a function to show you what tasks you have to complete that day or that week.

Had some good news and bad news when I got home. The council have given me a refund of £600 on my old house... and sent me a bill of £1300 on my new one. It seems that all the stuff we have struggled to do to get the council tax benefit in the past has been closed with the old house and we have to start all over again. I am devastated. It seems that it is a constant battle all the time. ;(

13-03-15, 05:17 PM
Oh no :(

13-03-15, 07:17 PM
With some trepidation I rang the council as I have had such bad experiences ringing them that I am not sure that I can believe anything they say. However the girl I talked to seemed to be on top of the situation and said that the two accounts had now been linked and that I would actually only have to pay just over £300 so I am quite relieved.
HOWEVER feeling that I can conquer the world I rang Talk Talk... OMG what a shower!! Its a very long story. I have been trying to get a response from them for a few weeks over the latest cock up. I was a just a little surprised to get a bill this month for £107 when I was expecting it to be about £35. I have emailed them, used the online chat service and finally this evening rang them (I try to avoid ringing them as you end up on hold for ages, my record is 45 minutes). Part of the issue is that we have been charged £30 for an engineer who we cancelled. They say we did not cancel him, we say we did. My son said he called the number they gave us to cancel and got an automated service saying to leave a message with the date and time of the appointment we want to cancel. Talk Talk say that there is no such thing.... We also talked to the engineer who rang and said we did not need him and who said he would cancel the call BUT apparently (although we did not know this) the engineer was a contractor and was not actually able to cancel the call.
I am so irate about this I don't know whether to cry or scream!
SO tonight I will AGAIN write a letter of complaint to TalkTalk head office...... If it was not for YouView I think I would leave them, but I am not sure that anyone else is any better!

13-03-15, 09:26 PM
Wow, that's brilliant that you've sorted the council. We use BT for phone/net/tv and have found them to be pretty good, but it's always dependent on area too...

14-03-15, 11:09 AM
Part one of operation stealth was put into action this morning. I printed off pictures of about 8 possible properties last night and this morning after he had a good nights sleep in a warm house I plied him with tea and biscuits and just laid the pictures on the bed. He took the bait and had a browse. He was not critical of the places although having made a big fuss about not living in a town a few weeks ago he grumbled that all the places I had selected were out in the country and that it be better for M to be living in a town!
Still I did not discuss the places with any depth and once he had looked through them I talked instead about other stuff which I knew would distract him. The seeds have been planted....

14-03-15, 01:40 PM
Woohoo! Well done! Always best to plant the seeds and let them work out that it's all their own decisions... lol....

15-03-15, 09:35 AM
and the winner of the most stupid idiot of 2015 goes to........


Since we have moved in (about 6 weeks ago) I have noticed that the fridge does not seem to be as cold as it was in our last house. I tried turning it down but it did not seem to make much difference. Yesterday hubby commented on it not being very cold so he pulled it out to check the plug.... It was plugged in but not switched on..... 6 weeks and it has not been switched on at the wall. (I do now have a dim memory of the removal man saying "give it a few hours for the liquids to settle before you turn it on" but it seems that bit slipped my mind).

15-03-15, 12:02 PM
not a stupid idiot at all hun its something a lot of people would do including me,

15-03-15, 02:05 PM
Yes but 6 weeks and I did not realise! and to make matters worst I had decided there was a fault with the fridge and have ordered a new fridge freezer!

15-03-15, 02:08 PM
Opps hun, can you cancel the new one and get a refund? or maybe sell it if not able to cancel it?

15-03-15, 02:44 PM
Oops! I'd have done the same thing!

15-03-15, 05:57 PM
Well its not such a disaster really. We needed a fridge freezer anyway as we only have a fridge in the house and a freezer out in the garage/studio which is a pain. I can keep the fridge now I know its working and use it out in the studio to keep milk and drinks in for my students. What was surprising was how well stuff kept in what was basically an insulated cupboard!

15-03-15, 07:13 PM
Sounds like a win win situation there hun

15-03-15, 07:43 PM
Quote of the weekend from hubby. Whilst watching TV one of the characters says "You know, I sometimes think that the missus loves that dog more than me". I turn to hubby and ask "Is that what you think?" to which he replied

"No, I don't think that, I KNOW that" (rofl)

15-03-15, 09:19 PM
All good then? lol!

16-03-15, 10:15 AM
I laughed about the fridge, sorry Pen.
When mine packed up, OH said to me 'I think there is something wrong with the fridge' and I snapped at him 'Don't be so dramatic, its fine, its probably just got too much stuff in it'. Oh, how I ate my words 2 days later when everything inside the fridge went off!
I am actually pretty impressed you had the fridge for 6 weeks and didn't constantly have food going off in there.

S deleted
16-03-15, 11:30 AM
the fridge story....thats the kinda thing that would normally happen to me and talk talk are just plain idiots. I've been in dispite with them for almost 2 yrs and the will not budge and I will not pay.

16-03-15, 07:09 PM
Hi Stella I have found the best way to sort out talk talk is to write to the Head Office complaints dept in the UK (the address is really hard to find but if you want it I will PM you) last time I got a really nice guy in the UK and he sorted everything out so I am composing another letter to go to them!

As for the fridge the only thing that went off was a raw chicken breast and BOY did it STINK!!!

22-03-15, 05:24 PM
Well 5:15 already where has the day gone!!
All I have managed to do today is:
A 45 minute walk with Ember
Pot up three large shrubs (5 big bags of compost)
Fill three troughs with compost and plant another 4 shrubs and 30 summer bulbs.
Plant up a sage, parsley and thyme
Rearrange the tubs into a better layout
Clear up the rubbish in the garden and sweep the garden (our whole back garden is paved)
Hoover the hall and sitting room
Give my ceiling another coat of paint

I still need to walk Ember again
Wash the bathroom window (my daughter tried and now its terrible) Fix frosted plastic to the window before we scare the neighbours!.
Clean the shower and the bath (My daughter said she would do it but I think I will grow mould before she does)
Wash the kitchen, hall and dining room floors
Put a coat of paint on my bedroom wall
Tidy up my sitting room
Have a shower and scrap the paint I have sprayed all over me me off
and then I may have a bit of time to do some college art work.

and this is my day off!!

22-03-15, 06:52 PM
Wow! so busy! I hope you are going to get some rest too!

22-03-15, 07:54 PM
Try and find some chill time hun x

22-03-15, 08:23 PM
Well I have done the bathroom windows.
My body is finally rebelling! I sat down to eat dinner and now I don't think I can move...

Will tidy up the sitting room and call it a day. I may even consider having a bath.... It will be the first use of the bath in this house but more importantly the first bath I have had for about three years!... Seeing myself floating in water is something not great!! Beached whales comes to mind!

22-03-15, 09:20 PM
OO A Bath? With bubbles? Sounds amazing!

22-03-15, 10:08 PM
Pen, I hope you had a lovely long soak in the bath as a reward for all your hard work today. It sounds like you got lots done!

22-03-15, 10:32 PM
The bath did not happen. By the time i had finished fixing the wallpaper in my sitting room and washed up the dinner things and cleaned the kitchen it was too late.

23-03-15, 06:35 AM
Oh no, that seems a shame! I hope you are scheduling in in bath time this week!

23-03-15, 09:01 AM
Another packed week ahead!
Today I would have liked to go into college but I have to go up the hospital for a routine scan this morning and I am hoping TalkTalk/BT will come today and fix my fibre broadband so it works properly. I am only getting 3-5Mb when I should be getting over 30 and I am really chessed off about it. I also need to get my laptop fixed so need to get onto the support company.
This week I need to:-
Do a large amount of research on business and art
Finish writing and publish a survey on art tourism (which I am hoping you all may be able to help me with!)
Write up the results of the last survey
Write up my literature review
Finish carving my big fish sculpture
Make the base for the sculpture
Paint the walls and the floor in the upstairs studio
Wire up a lamp for an exhibition next week
Chase up my missing driving licence
Tax the car
Start painting my bedroom (I am fed up with the shocking pink that the previous owner painted it!)

So if I am not around much this week you will know why :P

23-03-15, 10:32 AM
Pen! I'm exhausted just looking at your lists! Good to hear you so motivated though :)

23-03-15, 08:40 PM
Having a rocky spell tonight. I waited in all day for the BT man but he never came. I don't have anything in writing to say he was coming just a phone call I had last week. I am not sure what to do now and it is making me really anxious. Plus when I was out with Ember she was bullied by a pit bull, she started screaming and the owner got quite aggressive about the noise she was making. Ember was not hurt, it was a way of warning other dogs and being submissive so she did not provoke a fight but it has really shook me up. Also I took a letter to post but the issue with the dog meant I retraced my steps and did not pass a letter box, however when I put my hand in my pocket I found I had lost the letter. I did find it eventually on the path close to home it was raining so the letter is soaked. It is not my letter its a letter for the previous tenant from the tax office (he probably has not paid that). I am anxious tonight that soon we will get a visit from a bailiff trying to recover some of the debts that the previous tenant has developed. I have been sending a regular stream of letters back to debt agencies, traffic fine offices, car insurance enforcement agencies, council tax and now the income tax. This guy seemed to be very good at spending other peoples money and then moving on before they catch up with him and leave everyone else to deal with his mess.

23-03-15, 09:21 PM
Why are you anxious about the BT man? Can you call their customer service and ask why he didn't turn up?

The incident with the other dog is understandably scary. I thought that pit bulls were on the list of dogs that have to be closely controlled?

Send all the letters back for the previous occupier and write on them 'not at this address'. If a bailiff comes, you can explain that the person they are looking for has left the property. If you search for your property here: http://www.rightmove.co.uk/house-prices.html you will probably find it on the list as recently been bought, that's pretty good proof that it's recently changed occupiers (it can take a few weeks to show up on the list).

23-03-15, 09:26 PM
Ring up tomorrow about the bt man not turning up hun.

Pitbulls are not allowed out without being muzzled and they have to be licensed aswell, and also not breed from, are you sure it wasnt a Staffordshire bull terrier hun? though again that is a strong breed and similar in looks to a pitbull.

Hun if any bailliffs turn up tell them that the previous person has left the property and you moved in on such a date,

23-03-15, 09:29 PM
(panda) Sounds like quite a day hunni. I hope you can chill out now and spend some time relaxing.

23-03-15, 09:47 PM
I am pretty sure it was a pit bull, there was two of them male and female, I am certain that the couple was breeding from them, the bitch looked like she had not long had a litter and the male was certainly not neutered. When I first encountered them I thought they were boxers, but when they got closer they certainly were not. They were much bigger than a staffy. I certainly was not going to challenge them about being muzzled and bred from. To be fair they were not vicious Ember was intimidated by the size and by being chased by a dog who wanted to pinch her ball.

I know I should not be fazed by the BT guy not coming but I am just so full of anxiety that I can't understand.

I have been returning all the letters and I do have a receipt from my solicitor as proof of my purchase but I don't want them at the door at all.

This evening I have been feeling very vulnerable, I have shut all the blinds and shut the door, I just want to hide and never see anyone again.

23-03-15, 09:52 PM
It could be one or two other breeds aswell hun. But some Staffys are quite big if you get the long legged one

23-03-15, 10:09 PM
Im not bothered about what the breed was I would have felt the same if it was a german shepherd, or a boxer, it was the attitude of the owners that phased me.

23-03-15, 10:15 PM
Sadly you do get some owners that are not the best hun, there really isnt much that you cna do about them, but try not to let it get to you hun,the main thing is that both you and Ember are ok.

24-03-15, 07:38 AM
How are things today Pen?

24-03-15, 07:50 AM
A little better. Really don't want to go to college, or even leave the house, still feeling anxious but we have another presentation today so I will need to be there, and maybe it will help. However I am coming home at lunch time to see my mentor as my daughter is working all day and I don't want to leave Ember from 9 - 5 on her own.

24-03-15, 07:53 AM
That sounds like you are pushing through and I think you are doing so well. It's not surprising that you had a wobble yesterday, things like that unsettle anyone..

24-03-15, 08:40 AM
You're so strong, hunni. I agree with Suzi that anyone would have been shaken up by that. Hope college helps you today x

24-03-15, 03:43 PM
Managed only two hours in college before I felt that I had to get out of there and get home. I was feeling so cold and anxious that I curled up in bed with the dog for an hour when i got home. My mentor came and I had a cry about everything which made me feel a bit better for a while. She said that I was trying to do too much and that I needed to just rest and concentrate on my carving.
Lit the fire and did some carving and the anxiety is back.
On the good side it seems that my fibre broadband is finally connected and I am getting about 37Mb this afternoon so I can finally listen to Radio 4 extra catch up without it pausing every few minutes to for it to catch up.

24-03-15, 03:52 PM
Glad that the broadband is sorted hun, and that you have spoken to your mentor, try and find a way to relax now and chill x

24-03-15, 05:08 PM
(bear) some rest sounds like a very good idea

24-03-15, 06:25 PM
Went to take the dog out and found I had a message on the phone. It seems that the BT engineer tried to visit this morning. Thankfully he did not need to get in. I am most annoyed as I specifically told them that the only times I would be here are Monday afternoon and Wednesday. What was the point of them asking when I would be available if they will take no notice!
I am supposed to be cooking dinner tonight but I am just too tired and anxious to try and prepare food. I think we will have to have a pizza tonight, at least its two for Tuesday at Dominos.
I just want to go back to bed.

24-03-15, 08:31 PM
Hooray for take away places! Glad you spoke to your mentor hunni..

24-03-15, 09:28 PM
You're doing really well Pen. Try to keep telling yourself there is no need to be anxious. Its unlikely you will encounter that couple and their dogs again, the broadband is fixed, and try not to worry about bailiffs if they haven't been. I think usually you get letters from bailiffs before you get a visit, and if that happens you can call them and explain he no longer lives there.
You are probably doing too much, you seem to have big bursts of activity followed by lows.. and I know you have a lot to do, but maybe you should prioritise certain tasks and leave others (such as decorating the house) to a time when you have more free time.
Noone is going to think you are lazy if you don't do everything on your list.

25-03-15, 01:48 AM
Thank you Rose. I know there is no need to be anxious, that does not stop the anxiety attacks. I was feeling anxious before the incidents on Monday, generally recently those sorts of things would not have bothered me at all, I had been so much better and able to cope with stuff like that, but this week I just am not coping.
I am supposed to be in college again today to present my work but I have a vet appointment at 12:15 and whilst I would normally go in afterwards I will spend the day at home. My ceramics tutor knows what I am doing so he can tell the others or failing that they will have to catch up with me after Easter. I have a section of the fish sculpture here at home so I can work on it and not feel guilty that I am wasting time.
My mentor was right I have been driving myself too hard, especially last weekend. I am just so desperate to get the upstairs of the garage finished as so much hinges on it being done. Once it is done we can move some of the furniture that is filling the downstairs of the garage into place. I can then start sorting through what is left and get on and sell what we don't want. I can then get the freezer moved and make enough space to get the kiln delivered. I can also make enough space for the workmen to be able to fit the new patio doors and side window. They are coming on the 13th April. Until I get the studio done I can't start offering courses which means I have no money coming in and I am scared that I will get to the end of the course and have no income coming to pay the bills.

25-03-15, 09:13 AM
Well done for making the decision to put yourself first - but try not to do too much at home x

25-03-15, 09:32 AM
I didn't set the alarm last night and slept till 8:20 so I managed to get a 6 hour straight stretch. (Ember normally gets me up just before 7). I feel better but fragile, I know it would not take much to knock me backwards.
I will try and take it easy today, I can move the sculpture to the kitchen table and work in the sunshine that is streaming through the patio doors. I may also take a sketch book out with me when I walk the dog in a bit and make some drawings of the buds breaking on the hedges and trees and the blossoms. Hopefully there wont be too many people around to think I have gone mad!

25-03-15, 11:08 AM
I think that all sounds like a really good plan!

25-03-15, 11:25 AM
Now I know that I am not right. Normally I can walk with Ember for hours, this morning after 20 minutes I had to find somewhere to sit down and my sketches are terrible! It was a real struggle to walk back home.
I am contemplating taking the dog to the vet in the car at 12 which is stupid. Its only a 15 minute walk and because of the one way system it would probably take longer to drive!!

25-03-15, 11:58 AM
(bear) are you coming down with something do you think?

25-03-15, 01:09 PM
I don't know, all I know is that I can hardly stand without feeling exhausted. Apart from that I don't feel that I have anything wrong. Its so frustrating I have so much that I need to do but all I want to do is go back to bed and sleep.

25-03-15, 02:14 PM
Are you not sleeping properly at night?

25-03-15, 02:36 PM
Well my typical night is:-
In bed by 10:15
Asleep by 10:45
Awake at 1:00am
Back to Sleep at 2:00am
Awake at 6:45am
Its been like this ever since Ember came into my life and I don't think it will change :-)

25-03-15, 08:33 PM
Pen, I sometimes get a few days of feeling very tired. This can be caused by hormonal stuff, a virus, or it can be that I am exhausted.
You've been very anxious and that is going to take it out of you. I think you should go back to bed and get yourself some sleep.
And please don't think when I said 'there is no need to worry' that I was in any way belittling your anxiety, I was trying to reassure you.
I get anxiety over the most ridiculous things so I know what its like to have totally unreasonable illogical anxiety that just won't budge, its so frustrating.

25-03-15, 08:45 PM
My daughter is threatening to frog march me to bed after I said that I really needed to do some more carving, so I am going to take my new book on making ceramic glazes from local materials such as seaweed and go to bed.
I will have to go into college tomorrow but I am really not feeling like it at the moment I am hoping I feel a bit better in the morning.

25-03-15, 10:08 PM
Hope you get a good nights sleep hun.

25-03-15, 10:42 PM
Rest up hunni and, can I ask what's the worst thing that can happen if you don't go into college?

25-03-15, 11:49 PM
Well i have to take in a piece that is going to an exhibition on Easter sunday. Tomorrow will be my last chance to get it to the person who is going to take it for me. College breaks up on Friday.

Having gone to bed early i find i just cant sleep. Reading my new book really did not help as my mind has first been considering the science of using brambles in a glaze and then mentally reviewing the book for my literature review and considering how the flora and geology of the outer hebrides differs from somerset and what i can use from the book. In the end i have given up and gone and done the washing up!

26-03-15, 07:28 AM
Got to sleep eventually after a weird half awake half asleep dream that the pub opposite had called the fire brigade. Anyway it was still there when I woke up this morning so I don't know what was going on there in my head!
Really annoyed with myself this morning. I went to check how much I still owed on the credit card after I sent a payment to it last week to find that the payment was not appearing. When I checked my bank statement I discovered I have paid the wrong card! It is REALLY frustrating, I don't know what came over me but I paid £400 to a card that I don't use and that I no longer even know where the actual card is yet alone the pin. Meanwhile of course I still had to pay the active card so I have had to transfer more money out of the account at a time when things are getting tough. Now I have the hassle of trying to get the £400 back....

Ember got me up at 6:30 this morning, so I will go into college for a while and see how I get on but at the moment I am still feeling really tired and worn out.

26-03-15, 09:49 AM
Oh no! What a pain in the backside! I hope you get that money back quickly xx

26-03-15, 11:03 AM
Hope you manage to sort out the card hun,

26-03-15, 11:33 AM
Oh no! Easy done though...

26-03-15, 07:51 PM
It was a good job i went in I had a tutorial with my ceramics tutor. It was a bit frustrating though as I had built a corner of a triangular base that was 1m high. However I had rather studiedly forgotten to measure the kiln so he came in, took one look and said "That wont fit..." We hacked 7 inches off it but then he was concerned that being triangular the fish wont sit on top, so off he goes to make a square former. However he used the timber I had been using to hold up the work I had done and so that was destroyed. 2 hours of work up the swannie! Now has been rebuilt but then he looks at what I have done and says that it needs to be reworked....
Also whilst I was off he and another tutor had a look at the fish and decided that they don't like the eyes. I have to rethink how I give my fish their eyes....
He also upset me (without meaning to) by saying that the tutors thought what I had planned for the end of the year show was so much better than the silly stuff I had been messing around with. He means my mud dragons... I am rather proud of the idea of mud dragons...
Was so busy all day I did not get time for lunch and came home feeling quite suicidal, cooking dinner now so hopefully I will better afterwards.

26-03-15, 08:09 PM
Hugs hunni... If you are feeling low don't suffer alone. Call for help if you need it.

26-03-15, 09:49 PM
I like your mud dragons. Can you keep them for your own personal stuff, ie not college work? Hunni, please call someone if you need to (bear)

26-03-15, 10:05 PM
Mud dragons? Can I see a picture?

26-03-15, 10:43 PM
Food definatly helps. I had nothing to eat from 11 till 6. Trouble with working with clay you can't really grab a mouthful whilst you work as you are covered in mud and stopping means spraying the work down with water, wrapping with cling film and then scrubbing yourself clean so I tend to keep putting it off and with this piece of work time thunders by and it is late afternoon before you know it.
I am fine now, although I could only eat half of what I had cooked.

As for the mud dragons they wont be seen in college again (mooning) when I have my own kiln I can make whatever I like!

27-03-15, 03:46 AM
The mud dragons have their own web site, although it is a little out of date as I have put the project on the back burner for a bit whilst I finish college. http://muddragons.wordpress.com

27-03-15, 07:59 AM
I love your mud dragons!

27-03-15, 09:13 AM
Right, out of bed and raring to take on the world... No wait......False alarm (snooze)

Will have to drag myself upstairs and wash and dress. I will have to go into college and work on the base as I have to make four quarters before the end of easter break and each one will need a couple of days to dry enough to stand on its own when I have finished it before I can start another one. Still at least it will be quiet, the really noisy student in the room the other side of the partition is only in on Wednesday and Thursday. I am sure she is a lovely lady but she has a voice like a foghorn and loves to give an opinion of everything... loudly (I sometimes wonder why she is doing that course she seems to know it all already!)

27-03-15, 09:25 AM
lol! I think we all know people like that!

27-03-15, 05:18 PM
Managed to get one segment of the base 90% done, but dipstick here forgot to take any pictures! After the weekend hopefully it will dry enough to come off the mould and then I just have to tidy up any rough edges (getting clay smooth is an art, you have to tackle it at just the right state of dryness, not too wet, and not too dry although if it gets too dry there is always sandpaper and wire wool!!). Was not quite as quiet as I had hoped as my friend Linda was in, but apart from the difficulty of escaping a long conversation about all the flights she has ever taken at lunchtime it was not much of a problem. It was nice when she went at 3 though as I could put my music on and boogie whilst I carved (I think the cleaner believes I am touched in the head).
I had a nice surprise today, yesterday one of the mature first years came and asked if I could reset her MS Word as she had managed to get double line spacing and could not work out how to put it back to single line. A nice easy job which I showed her how to do without even having to wash the clay off my hands. Today she brought me a box of Maltesers... nom nom. This IT support stuff is very profitable :8)

27-03-15, 08:24 PM
That sounds like a good day hunni!

28-03-15, 10:00 AM
"Some days I wake up grumpy... some days I let him sleep!"
This morning I woke him up.... Why when he has do something for me or the kids does he have to be so miserable about it. My son passed his driving test just over a week ago. Last Saturday, son, Dad and me went car hunting. I hated it and was ready to throttle hubby by the time I got back. This Sat son asked Dad if he would take him out again to try and find a car. Dad has grumpily gone out with son. Son is upset as he was really excited about getting his first car but feels that neither me or his dad want to help him with this. :s

28-03-15, 10:13 AM
I'm sure, once they get going, dad will have just as much fun as son would want :)

29-03-15, 12:16 PM
Well they still have not got a car. But my son goes away to see his GF in Germany this week so we will have a car break over Easter!

Its Sunday again. Why do I struggle with Sundays so much?
Got to wash the kitchen floor (fed up of waiting for my daughter to do it)
Do some painting
and walk the dog. But Ember does not want to go out so it will be a battle in this weather!

Hubby said this morning "I'll paint that bare wall in the studio for you today" I then pointed out that he could not as we have driving rain and that wall gets saturated. It needs to be painted when it is bone dry. I should have done it this week but... well... you know what happened!. Dont know if he will offer to do any thing else. He has gone off for his usual sunday morning excursion to the big Car Boot Sale at Cheddar (its indoors on days like today). I expect he will come back and say he will go back to Wales early.

29-03-15, 02:53 PM
Oh hunni ...... Could you not ask him to stay an extra day each time?

29-03-15, 05:18 PM
Oh Pen! Could part of the reason why you find Sundays difficult be because he goes back to Wales?

29-03-15, 06:32 PM
Could you not ask him to stay an extra day each time?No. He works Monday to Friday in Wales

Could part of the reason why you find Sundays difficult be because he goes back to Wales? Yes quite probably, but I also think its because I am tired by Sunday.

Hubby has been fab this afternoon. The wall was quite dry when we went out there so he has painted it. It was a tricky job as it is the wall that the staircase runs up so involved propping ladders to be able to reach. We are both hoping it does not need a second coat. Whilst he did that I was able to get a second coat on the walls. Still need to finish off the gloss and put some paint on the floor (as much to trap the fine dust that is up there as anything!) but I am beginning to feel the end is in sight!!

29-03-15, 07:21 PM
Sounds like a good afternoon hun x

30-03-15, 08:32 AM
I feel so dead inside again this morning. I could really do with a break from college and get the room finished. I think I feel I am running hard to stay still. I have to go into college every day through the holidays. Meanwhile at home I have paperwork piling up everywhere, some of it college related but a lot related to the house. Apart from one confusing letter from the council (having told me on the phone that I dont need to send them anything they have sent me a letter asking why I have not sent the stuff they asked for) the paperwork does not need anything doing with it generally, it is just companies I need to tell I have moved and stuff for filing.
I am a bit upset this morning about messages that are flying around from my college friends about an upcoming exhibition. The person who is organising it is getting very stressed about it and complaining that most of us have not helped her (including me) I am upset as whilst I have not helped her much I only have one piece in, I paid her when she wanted the money (even though she said it would not cost us anything) and I was not that bothered about the exhibition anyway.

30-03-15, 08:40 AM
Hugs hunni... Can you do a shorter day in college today?

30-03-15, 04:03 PM
Just did 3 hours at college. Supposed to be meeting friends for coffee this afternoon but there has been a mix up and they are not here yet.

30-03-15, 07:16 PM
Ember has become such a fair weather dog. Just tried to take her for a walk. Its not raining but it very overcast. We got 100yds from the front door and she turned round and insisted on going back...

30-03-15, 09:17 PM
I can't blame her! Did your friends turn up for coffee?

30-03-15, 09:40 PM
Yes we eventually managed to get together.

I have gone to bed in a sulk. My daughter has been home all day with her bf. As far as I can tell she has done practically nothing all day. Her washing up is left in the kitchen for me to do. BF bought her a bunch of flowers so there was leaves spread all over the kitchen and cooker. Although they obviously went to the local Tesco she had not bothered to get any of things we needed like bread, milk and toilet paper even though she is supposed to do the shopping rather than pay rent. She was supposed to be cooking dinner tonight but by 8 with no sign of her going to prepare anything I reheated a left over chinese from Saturday as I was so hungry. Whilst she and BF have spent the day in their sitting room watching videos Ember has been going through the recycling and when I got in my sitting room was covered in little bits of tin foil. Of course Ember had eaten some of this so I have had to cope with Ember being sick over the sofa, and when I came up here I found she had been sick all over the bed so I have had to change the bed and then try and dry the duvet on the radiator.
I am seriously (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed off, angry and upset.
I cant say anything as she twists everything around to make it my fault (apparently its my fault that I did not remind her earlier that time was getting on). She learnt that from my Mum.:@

30-03-15, 09:47 PM
To be honest, I think you are totally within your rights to feel (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed off Pen.
Does your husband ever get involved with talking to the kids when they are taking the mick?

30-03-15, 10:58 PM
I'd be furious! I think you are well within your rights to be angry..

31-03-15, 01:29 AM
Hubby just backs up their behaviour. He never expects them to do anything and disapproves when I ask either of them to do something like vacuum the floor or wash up. If he knows I have asked them to do it he will go and do it himself. If he is home he will drive them if he knows that they are planning to catch the bus.

It frustrates me as my daughter is very responsible and conscientious at work (she has been promoted because of it) but she seems to leave all responsibility at the front door when she comes home. Its the little things that annoy me most. She expects that someone (me) will maintain things, for example I have managed to train them to change the toilet roll, but neither of them ever take the cardboard inner down to the recycling box or take the new packet from the hall to the bathroom. There is a cup in the bathroom that has been there for days but again neither of them would think to take it down. My daughter had a bath on Sunday night, her boots are still in the bathroom. I am the only one who cleans the toilet/ shower/ bath without being asked. She wont take note when we need supplies such as milk. She wont put things away like the peanut butter or tomato sauce when they are left out (usually by her). When she is cooking she will never throw the packets or cartons away just leaves them on the work surface for me to clear up when I wash up. She will never clear up the dogs mess, not just the stuff in the garden but Ember sometimes decides to destuff her toys around the house or gets hold of paper and shreds it but I am the only one who will pick up the bits. She has decided that she wants to have a vegetable garden but it will be me who will need to fill up the containers and plant the seeds and water and tend them. When she has been out shopping she just leaves the carrier bags in the hall or the kicking around the kitchen (sometimes with the stuff still in them till I unpack it, and yes, that includes new clothes).
Oh I could rant on for hours!!!

31-03-15, 06:01 PM
Two possible solutions for you.
One. Pick up all her mess, including the rubbish, put it in a black sack and put the sack in her bedroom.
Two. Charge her rent and take money off when she does her jobs.

Hubby is spoiling them but he doesn't have to deal with the fall out.

31-03-15, 09:06 PM
I'm completely with Rose on this one... Be tough hunni and don't let them walk all over you!

01-04-15, 09:50 AM
My youngest does this - but she's 13!!! And I don't let her get away with it. Hunni, you need to change things - putting your foot down, the suggestions Rose have said make sense

01-04-15, 11:33 AM
I do agree with the others hun x

01-04-15, 05:20 PM
Thank you everyone for making me feel like a total failure as a parent...

01-04-15, 05:37 PM
Oh hunni, that's not what we wanted to do, she's an adult and needs to grow up and learn responsibility - that's not on you, that's on her. There always comes a time when its up to them to take hold of the reins of their lives and this is her time. You have more than enough to do, without clearing up after your adult daughter and she should see that without being reminding.

01-04-15, 06:39 PM
No one was wanting to make you feel like that hun, but she is old enough to pull her weight

01-04-15, 09:21 PM
Thank you everyone for making me feel like a total failure as a parent...
I don't know why you would feel that's what we were doing? We were supporting you and agreeing that you shouldn't be doing it all! We are on your side!

01-04-15, 10:04 PM
Sorry, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment, had written feedback about my artwork from the tutors and it and the mark upset me.

01-04-15, 10:05 PM

01-04-15, 10:15 PM

02-04-15, 08:33 AM
Oh no! What did they say? (panda)

02-04-15, 04:47 PM
That my worked lacked cohesion and so I would only get a C grade based on my work so far.

Spent the last 4 hours on my feet making the sides for the base of the sculpture, I am just hoping that this sculpture works and I can claw some marks back. A C grade is a 2:2 and I was hoping that I would get at least a 2:1. It annoys me a bit as I have been using my time to learn a lot about ceramics, ceramic materials and techniques but I suspect that my classmate who has done nothing but make little goblin heads and stick them to driftwood all year, using the same techniques and materials will have been given a higher mark.

02-04-15, 05:05 PM
Hey Pen, lovely, it doesn't matter, really, whether it's a 2:1 or a 2:2. Your customers are never going to ask, no one else is going to know anything other than that you passed - when going through some pretty big things in your personal life too. You love what you do, and that is very obvious, and that's what people respond to

02-04-15, 08:55 PM
It matters to me, I have never been an A grade student, always mediocrity and I would like to get as good a mark as I can get.

02-04-15, 09:13 PM
What's more important? Your grade or getting your business up and running?

02-04-15, 09:26 PM
Very true. Spent a couple of hours painting the floor in the upstairs studio this evening when I got home. A bit frustrated as I had one square metre left to paint when I ran out... Another tub is going to cost £15. But then I may be in a position to move furniture in. Once I can do that I can start to sort out the stuff downstairs, once that is done I can move the freezer, once that is done I can get the kiln delivered and once I have the kiln I can start advertising courses...

I am so scared...

02-04-15, 09:29 PM
You'll be awesome - because it means so much to you :)

02-04-15, 10:12 PM
Paula is right. It does mean a lot to you and I think you'd be a brilliant teacher and inspiration to everyone you come into contact with..

03-04-15, 09:49 AM
Thank you. (blush)

Kicking myself from here to kingdom come this morning. I had a restless night so took a lorazapam to help me sleep. Woke up at 9 to the sound of the bins being emptied. Mine was not out there... They usually come at around 12 so I had not put the wheely out. It is full and really needed emptying. I am such a pile of crap.

03-04-15, 09:50 AM
No you aren't, you just didn't take your bin out. That doesn't make you anything bad at all.

03-04-15, 10:09 AM
This morning I am feeling the whole world is bad. The gov is only trying to make its friends rich, the poor and disabled are not wanted. People are abandoning pets to starve and celebraties are belittling mental health. I dont know that I want to be part of this world anymore.

03-04-15, 02:34 PM
Pen, the bins are not a big deal, at all. The rest, hunni, is perspective. You're having a bad day, sweetheart, and it will pass.

03-04-15, 05:27 PM
Call someone if you need help hunni... but Paula is right. It's a blip hunni...

03-04-15, 09:02 PM
Pen the world is full of corrupt politicians and they say the same things and make the same promises the world over. I'm convinced that they all sing from the same hymn sheet. The promises are all the same. The people in opposition always swear that they'll make changes that the government have brought in. Here they are all talking about the water charges. The government wants to bring them in and of course the opposition want to do away all the charges.

04-04-15, 02:01 PM
How are you today, lovely?

04-04-15, 09:32 PM
Been a funny old day. Hubby stuck around all day and helped finish off the upstairs studio. Now got the furnature up there and a load of boxes cleared into the attic and upstairs ready to be unpacked. Took Dad out to do some shopping this afternoon BUT when I came back I totally miscalculated the gateway and hit it... badly. Probably done nearly £1000 of damage to the car ;(

04-04-15, 10:00 PM
Sounds like both a good and bad day hunni, there is little you can do now about the car, as its Easter, get some quotes on monday it might surprise you and not be as bad as you think

04-04-15, 10:16 PM
Oh no! I never got my car fixed after I hit it on a post - twice. Its so annoying and frustrating, but look around you, so many cars are dented and scratched, it happens more than people let on.
Great news about the studio :)

04-04-15, 10:20 PM
Great news about the studio Pen. You worked hard to get this far. Sorry about the car. At least therč was no other vehicle involved.

04-04-15, 10:24 PM
Oh this is bad... It was a concrete post. However I will have a chat with the insurance company next week and see if I can get it fixed without losing my no claims. If not then I will live with it.

Looking forward to shifting a load of paperwork out of my sitting room and getting set up in the studio tomorrow and having a siting room that just that rather than an office, art room and sitting room. Bit frustrated though as I STILL cant find the box with my drawing pens in it. Also plugged the tumble dryer in and all the lights went out. So tumble dryer goes to the tip tomorrow.

04-04-15, 10:27 PM
Your electrics might be super sensitive... does it keep tripping the fuse?

Yep, my car was on a concrete post too, a dent and scratches on both sides...I just left it as is. Some guy at a garage offered to fix it for 500 cash but I was worried I'd never see my car again as he said he'd have to 'take it somewhere to do it'.

04-04-15, 10:28 PM
As long as it's driveable, try to put it to the back of your mind til next week. As long as you're ok, the cars just bits of metal (bear)

04-04-15, 10:36 PM
Oh I know. What is the most frustrating is that I hate this car and I have been planning to sell it when I can get myself organised enough. This will mean that I am stuck with it as I wont now be able to sell it for enough to buy anything else.

04-04-15, 10:38 PM
I know its not the electrics as I have just had the electrics in the new studio redone. Also there was a nasty burning smell coming from it just before everything blew. No I think this is really the end for it...

04-04-15, 10:42 PM
Good job that it happened while you were there. That burning smell may have caused a fire. You were lucky.

05-04-15, 09:23 AM
Sorry about the car hunni, but hooray for the studio!

05-04-15, 04:19 PM
No it would not have got as far as a fire, just as the burning smell started the rcb cutout all the power to everything.

Getting frustrated with hubby this afternoon. I have found a sofa I want for the studio and told the guy we would be over to look at it in half an hour. Hubby meanwhile decides that he has time to take my Dad home, a round trip of 15 minutes. He has been gone 28 minutes and the guy is going out at 4.30.

05-04-15, 05:17 PM
Oh no! Hope that it's sorted hunni x

05-04-15, 08:22 PM
Well it all worked out eventually. We got hopelessly lost but we did find him and he was still home. The sofa would not fit in the car though, thankfully Hubby brought some rope so it came home on the roof of the car, we had to come back down a really steep hill so I had my fingers crossed that it stayed put. It was supposed to be a 2 seater but its very big for that. There is room for hubby, me and Ember on it so it was fun trying to get it upstairs he pointed out that if we had a row he would have somewhere to sleep (rofl). Its starting to look good up there now, hubby suggested I put a TV up there but I suspect if I did I might never come back into the house!

Now we have got a load upstairs I can start to sort out downstairs. The kiln is being delivered on Friday (hedgehog) so I have to make a passageway to get it through.

05-04-15, 09:13 PM
I'm happy that the studio has come along to this stage for you. It sounds fab and I hope that you have many happy days in there.

05-04-15, 10:54 PM
Wow! That all sounds so fabulous!

06-04-15, 08:55 AM
Hubby has said he will stick around this morning and help pack stuff into the "attic" under the eves. He has always regarded attic space as under HIS control so I think he is worried about how I would put stuff in there. However I am quite happy to let him do all the crawling around. Ember thinks its hilarious to get him on his hands and knees and tries to wash his ears! He is currently working his way through yesterdays washing up. I was going to do it last night but he insisted that he would do it and then promptly fell asleep on the sofa. I stay well away when he is washing up, he has his own little system and I "dont do it right" but to hear the sighing coming from the sink you would think that he is the most put upon hubby in the universe. :(:

06-04-15, 09:03 AM
Lol, I'm glad he's stayed to help out today :)

06-04-15, 09:35 PM
<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/penny_price1/embed/slideshow/Work%20on%20the%20new%20studio"></iframe>

Well it took three days but we got the upstairs studio/office finished. Downstairs we worked through all the boxes and packed a load of stuff in the attics and got things straight enough that I can work down there as well. Plenty of room for the kiln to come on Friday and next Monday they are fitting the new doors. Trouble is I can now hardly move. I twisted my ankle trying to get the sofa in yesterday and after all the box and furniture moving my hamstrings are complaining...
Oh well back to college tomorrow.

06-04-15, 09:56 PM
Glad you've got so much achieved! Sorry about the pain you're in - maybe a hot bath might help?
I can't get your link to work and I really want to see your studio!

06-04-15, 10:43 PM
I hope Pen doesn't mind, but this is the fixed link to her studio pics: http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/penny_price1/embed/slideshow/Work%20on%20the%20new%20studio

and WOW its huge!!!!
Is that Ember in one of the pictures Pen?

07-04-15, 08:14 AM
Hmmm I dont know why that did not work. Lets try this


07-04-15, 08:22 AM
Sorry Rose did not see your post before I wrote the last one.
Yes that is Ember getting in on the act.
I thought that the pics did not really give a feel for how big it is. When we measured it we found that the downstairs was 5m by 7m. Its costing me a fortune to get it all fixed up, but I figure that when it is all done it will be an asset to the house. After all the number of people who would buy a house with a large garden room/studio/games room with an upstairs office will be far greater than people wanting a double garage. As with all building projects I have gone over budget and I sometimes think that maybe it would have been better if we had bought a place without anything and I had spent £5,000 on a wooden garden "office" but then I think that when it is done I will have far more space than I would have had with what would basically have been a large shed.

07-04-15, 08:44 AM
This way you've got what you wanted and needed, rather than settling. I think it's going to be awesome :)

07-04-15, 09:02 AM
It looks good and Ember looks lovely hun, you have things how you want them this way

07-04-15, 10:00 AM
It does look amazing! So light and airy too!

07-04-15, 01:47 PM
I think it was a good choice to convert the garage, you have got so much space in there, and you have made it your own.

08-04-15, 10:14 AM
Thank you everyone. On Easter Sunday Dad came for lunch, it was the first time he has been since we did most of the unpacking and he said that he thought I had made a good choice with the house, which was nice, but was even nicer is that Hubby turned to Dad and said "Yes I think Pen made the right choice, its a lovely house with a really lovely atmosphere" Having his approval means a lot to me, and knowing that he is not pining for our last house is great.

On another note I have discovered how to get my daughter to clear and hoover her bedroom floor... Tell her someone is coming to shampoo the carpets!! (party) Mind you there is so much stuff on the bed that it will all be a tip by bedtime. Still its her room and she wants to live in a pigsty then its her choice. Thankfully her bf is a bit more domesticated and does clear out the cans, bottles and dirty plates regularly. Last time he had a blitz he cleared out a whole recycling box of drinks cans. (rofl)

08-04-15, 10:53 AM
It's all sounding positive hunni!

08-04-15, 12:32 PM
Finally got the big black stains out the bedroom carpet that the tenants kindly left us! The guy shampooed the two big bedrooms, the bathroom, the landing and the stairs for £40. Bargain I think!! OK they are not like new, but I dont think they could ever be and if I had hired a rug doctor by the time I had paid for the shampoo as well it would have been well over that!

08-04-15, 12:42 PM
And you didn't gave yo do the work - I'm all for hiring someone hun. And, if they're ok until they need replacing - that's a huge amount of money saved on new carpets :)

08-04-15, 06:40 PM
I'd always pay someone too! :)

08-04-15, 08:19 PM
I scrubbed clean the only carpet in my flat, the bedroom carpet. It took ages and didn't come out much different to when I started.
If I EVER have to do that again, I will hire someone to do it.

08-04-15, 08:24 PM
Not too good tonight. Keep having thoughts about ending it.

08-04-15, 09:10 PM
Why Pen? What's happened?

08-04-15, 09:57 PM
Can you call a crisis line if you need it?
I hope you're OK.

08-04-15, 10:07 PM
Nothing has happened. I think I have overdone it a bit in the last few days. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the college work whilst trying to sort out everything at home. Things wernt helped by not eating regularly again today. After dinner and a walk I did a bit of drawing and that has helped.

08-04-15, 10:09 PM
Well done, hunni, recognising the signs, the triggers and using your management tools are exactly what you should be doing. Hope you get some decent sleep, and tomorrow can be at an easier pace x

08-04-15, 10:12 PM
Well done Pen. You've done really well to recognise the triggers and use your coping strategies. You are amazing!

08-04-15, 10:21 PM
I am feeling just a bit useless and pathetic. My college friends and I exhibited last weekend in a grotto, I could not get up there so relied on my friend L to take my one piece and set it up. I saw the photo's earlier and no one took any pictures of my piece however I did see it in the background behind someone elses work. The piece was a lamp, it needed to be in a dark place at about head height. Instead L had placed it in a lit alcove on the floor. It looked really pathetic. I wish I had stuck to my first intention and not exhibited I got absolutely nothing from the exhibition and it cost me £12 to do it. I feel I have been let down by L yet again, I have always tried to help her especially with anything involving IT but it does not seem to be reciprocated.
Also on FB this evening another one of my contacts from college has been showing off her work which is selling and I feel just a bit useless that I cant sell any of mine.

08-04-15, 10:27 PM
You're not useless and pathetic, at all. I think you're amazing really, the work you do is just glorious! With the exhibition, yes it was a mistake to trust L, but you've just lost £12, it could have been worse. In future, you do your own exhibiting .... Can you learn anything from the way your colleague is marketing her work, that may help sell yours?

08-04-15, 10:50 PM
OO you could put on your own exhibition? Then you could charge others and get the best spots for your own work?

09-04-15, 02:03 AM
I have got an exhibition space booked for two weeks in August already and will invite anyone who wants to join me when I get back to college next week. I think it does not help that I feel sore for being excluded from the little clique that L and this other person (K) plus another ex college student (G) have formed. I dont know why they dont like me. The little group visit exhibitions and museums together and have arranged exhibitions together. If they come into college for lunch I am not invited to join them and they sit at one table whilst I sit alone at another. Mind you I dont like G much, she is very opinionated and the only opinion that is right is hers. She told me last year that if she had been marking one of my pieces of written work she would have given me zero (she is an ex university tutor) which really upset me.

09-04-15, 08:16 AM
She sounds such a pleasant person...... Cliques are unpleasant, you are not unpleasant. Hence why you're not part of their clique - you're too nice for them.

09-04-15, 08:40 AM
Thanks Paula. L and I used to be quite close until she started hanging out with the others. I did think that K and I were friends, I even turned up at her house last year when I had a breakdown and ran away from home. But this year L and K have been more distant. I think that L is jealous that I have a studio, a nice house (with a real fire) and a garden. Which is ridiculous. She lives in a lovely apartment overlooking a marina and owns a house in Florida and another in Nova Scota. I think that maybe she does not like me talking about it but I have had to put up with her talking about Florida and Canada for the last 5 years.. Also I feel that L has used me and I have finally wised up which maybe why she has ganged up elsewhere. She has found someone else that she can use who will be more profitable to her.

09-04-15, 10:37 AM
She told you she'd give you a zero? What a prize bitch! I have no qualifications in art at all, and I can only tell you whether I like something or not, and I haven't seen any of your work which I don't like!

09-04-15, 04:13 PM
It was my written work she was commenting on, she has never said anything, good or bad, about my artwork. We got into a debate about if references were needed in a project proposal. I argued that as it was a proposal of what I planned to do there was no need for there to be quotes in it. She said that if I had handed a proposal into her that had no references in it she would give me a zero. I was very upset and had to walk away to cry in the loo and then sit in the library for an hour to get a grip on myself. I was feeling very insecure about my written work anyway and that just put the cherry on the top. As it happened I actually got 71% for the piece. Just to rub salt further into the wound L was at the table when this happened talking to K and although we were working side by side for the rest of the day she never asked what had happened or if I was OK I guess G put her side of the argument and I was put down as emotionally unstable. I think I realised then where L's loyalties lay.

09-04-15, 04:19 PM
But you got 71% so she can stick it in her pipe and smoke it! Well done u xx

09-04-15, 05:28 PM
71% is brilliant!

09-04-15, 09:22 PM
G is very derogatory about the college offering degrees. She does not like the senior tutor as he teaches philosophy which was her subject and she disagrees with what he teaches. She is always running the staff at the college down and takes the view that they are not properly qualified to be teaching a degree course so belittles any mark they give as being substandard. She does not think that the degree I am taking is worth the paper its printed on.

Found a great web site tonight that may help to sort out the referencing citations for me which is something that I struggle with. Building the sculpture is not going well at the moment. I needed to finish it tomorrow but there is no way that can happen especially as I will have to be home in the morning for the arrival of the kiln. I just hope I am right that there is a little time contingency for our artwork submission!