View Full Version : Finally getting through it? *trigger*
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You know you have a good friend when they are quite happy to have their coffee out of a pirate mug, knowing it probably is the only clean cup in the place!!
Did a bit of clay but I have to confess I have been very un productive today. Was so tired lunchtime I went and had a nap for a bit. Then took my car over to the garage as it has a strange rattle. Turns out to be the steering rack so back on Friday to have it fixed. ( I have used this garage for over 16 years and they know me well but when Andy said "we think it is just the water bottle rattling" I nearly said "really????" you dont think that I know better than that!!)
On my way home I was deep in thought about lithophanes (if you don't know what these are look them up they are AWESOME) and how I could make them and went into automatic pilot. I came to as I was driving down the main street of my old village.... seems I had forgotten where I live!!
Feeling very tempted to be naughty and bring the pot I am burnishing into the house and curl up on the sofa, do my burnishing and catch up on the episodes of Judge John Deed I have recorded but not yet watched... (burnishing gives a lovely finish but it is time consuming and VERY boring)
Those lithophanes do look awesome!
Glad you had a good time with your friend hunni..
A day doing gentle, easy things after all the stress you've been under (which you've handled amazingly btw) is not such a bad idea!
Went into college today thinking that I would be home by lunchtime. Fat chance.... Base came out of the kiln needing glazing before refiring which took most of the day. Had a chance to sit down with a guy from a marketing company which was great. If I had had to pay for his time it would have cost me quite a bit. The downside was that whilst he gave me great advice it means scrapping everything I have done in terms of my marketing setup and start again.
I need to change the company name, create a logo that reflects my dragon story and tie my company brand together better. Which means that the branding I have done so far will have to be scrapped.
The chap said that the name does not really tell anyone what i do so i should change to Carantoc Art School.
At the end of the day you don't have to if you want to keep it as it is. Look at companies such as Yodel - name doesn't tell you anything about them but I think it's fair to say that they are pretty successful!
You could re-brand later if you feel you want to do that.
I will go along with some of his suggestions. Yodel and companies like it tend to have a "tag" line that tells you a bit about them. So he did suggest I could go for something like:
Carantoc Art
Teaching Art for everyone
or Carantoc Art
The art school for everyone
Or Carantoc Art School
Art for everyone
On another note I have just reserved the semi precious stones for the sculpture. £12.50 EACH!!!! (need 2) thankfully the tutors have persuaded the college management to pay for them...
OK. Better go and empty the kiln and restart it with the next firing.
I plan to walk up to the chemist today to get my prescription. About 6 miles round trip. Ember should sleep well tonight!!
Oooooo now I'm sore. Walked upto the chemist. Took about an hour. Was planning to get a sandwich there but when I got up there I remembered that there was a Costa on the site and I had a Costa gift card in my bag from Christmas. So Ember and I stopped there for lunch (Brie and Bacon Panini and a blueberry muffin :P ) then walked back. Now I have stopped things are stiffening up!
Dont feel I have done anything today really even though I have
Glazed three bowls. Emptied and reloaded the kiln. Reserved my stones. Taken the car to the garage and returned to collect the car. Drained the central heating system to sort out a pressure problem. Refilled my water feature. Bought some plants (and a radiator key) and been out with the dog for nearly three hours.
Blueberry muffin mmmmmm. You've done loads, why don't you put your feet up for a bit?
I hope you're resting hunni!
You have done a lot, so resting up seems a good idea to be honest hun
Spending a bit of time doing some drawing this evening. Working on redesigning my logo.
I am quite pleased with how its going but I am so out of practise with drawing that my hand is getting painful. Will need to try and find what I have done with my drawing glove.
Just had an email from my tutor to say that everything I have sent him is excellent and I just need to finish off and forget it (whew)
The lead tutor was talking on Thursday about us presenting our practical work.... Everything we done through the year (although he said he would let me off with photos) He said it was OK I would get at least a third....
My friend says if I dont get a first she is going to march down the college and sort them out. She is a little lady in her 70's... They should be afraid...be very afraid...(ninja)
Personally I will be happy if I get a 2:2 or higher. However if I got a third I would be ok. At least its a pass and it will be over.
That sounds brilliant! I'm no artist, but I love your work!
Pen, you have done amazingly well doing your degree even though you've been so unwell. When do you find out your grade?
Well I hand in the work this week. Then i have to give a 30 minute presentation to the examiners. Then sometime after that we get our grades. I suspect sometime around the middle of June.
I'm studying at the moment, as you know, but I just have to remember stuff. For you to create art like you do is amazing! Not in the same league, but my daughter did GCSE Art and there was an unbelievable amount of work, so I have an inkling of what you've had to do for your degree whilst, as Rose says, being unwell. You really are inspirational!
Hubby has been a superstar today. I have had his help all day. He has fixed the fence, cleared the weeds and rubbish from the front garden and dug the bed over. This does not sound much till you realise that the bed was full of rubble, clay and huge stones (probably about half a hundred weight each) I could never have shifted them, but he is very strong and was able to roll them out. I have a new rockery now. (rofl) He then planted up my roses and some other plants and cut back the pampus glass and the trees. Then finally he put up the four brackets for the hanging baskets.
I've just been so bad today.
Got up then went back to bed till 12. Walked the dog for an hour, but was then shattered. Have tried to do some stuff but everything is an uphill struggle today.
Hardly eaten anything all day as I just dont feel hungry and daughter has just told me that she is not going to cook dinner (as she had told us she would) and if I want anything then I will have to make it myself but that is just too much bother when I dont feel hungry.
Sweetie, you've been so busy, I suspect it's just a normal bit of comedown after all the nerves and excitement. Tbh, I'm not surprised your body's having a catch up day, you've been non stop for months. Don't worry too much (bear)
I'm completely with Paula. I'm sure it's where you've been so busy!
I just hope it passes soon.
I have finished my first attempt at a new logo. See what you think
http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/af219/penny_price1/Logo%20photo1_zpsyzu1rsop.jpg
Ooo I like! It very much references your sculptures
I like the reference to your work too!
magie06
25-05-15, 02:28 PM
It's brilliant. Wow!
Thank you everyone. Been a funny day. Been struggling to get going again. However I did have coffee with my friend. Get some shopping. Plant up 4 hanging baskets. Fix my water feature (hopefully). Plant up my delphinium and a rock plant. Fill my incinerator with sawdust and a pot and set light to it (think I may have (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed off the neighbours!). prepare dinner. Do an email shot. Get my first booking for my courses. rework the web site with the new logo and colour scheme and start another pot.
Wow, that's a huge amount. Do you ever sit still? :)
Oh and I forgot. Walked the dog twice and washed my king sized, hand knitted bedspread....
No its a bad habit really as I end up stressing myself out with overwork, I blame my mother. She always had a saying "dont kill time, work it to death"
OK off to check my fire, then going to bed.
Hope you got some sleep hun...
Had a bad night. Could not get off to sleep, tossed and turned till about 12:30 when I went and did the washing up. Finally got off to sleep about 1:30. I could have taken a lorazapam but it leaves me so washed out the next day I did not want to risk it. I am so anxious about how I will get by financially at the moment.
Can you do a proper budget so you work everything out?
Oh I have, thats whats worrying me. If I dont get bookings I am screwed.
You will get bookings, I'm sure. I suspect what you're feeling is pretty much everyone's thoughts when starting a venture like this. Have you been advertising?
As Paula has said, have you advertised? Where? What about things like Church or school noticeboards?
No I have not really started advertising yet. The first course is not till the 16th July and I dont want to promote the course too early.
Spent the day finishing off my written work. Its amazing how long little things can take. I have numbered every article I have in the research folders and it took HOURS!! However now happy that everything is presented as well as it can be, even managed to find a nice plastic box that it all fits into perfectly as if it was made for the job.
My bin fired pot came out ... a bit strange, the inside has gone jet black but the outside is still cream... but that is the beauty of bin firing you never know what you will get. It has a couple of themo shock cracks which I have lined with gold leaf, now considering if I will add a few more gold leaf "fault" lines.
The pot sounds beautiful!
I'd say go for it on the advertising front and you can always have a waiting list!
I am sorting out the online advertising at the moment. I have added the courses to Netmums (its free and comes up right behind Weston college on the listings if you put in art courses in Weston super mare) and am in the process of adding them to Hotcourses. After that its down to the physical adverts.
Another bad night. Tried having a hot chocolate with nutmeg when I went to bed but still could not get off to sleep. Did the washing up at 12:30 and finally got off to sleep at 1:30. Wide awake at 5 then slept fitfully till 7. Worried that this is the start of something!
Did my budget again last night and I really dont need to be worried, that still is not stopping me though (sweat)
(panda) hunni, you're at the start of a huge change in your life. What you've dreamed of for so long is finally happening. I'd say fitful sleep is a normal reaction to this
Yes probably.
My little boy (6ft 3 in his socks and about to turn 20) has just invested in his first real suit. Moss Bros job. He spent more on it than his dad spent on buying his last car! Gave us a show this evening, he looks so dapper!! Ah they grow up so fast.
He has bought it as he is attending his gf's sisters wedding next month in Germany. She is a lawyer and it will be an upmarket bash! He has promised me a new photo of him and GF in their best to replace the school picture I have of him aged 9 when he was refusing to cut his hair. I have not managed to get a photo of him since then!!
Aww!!
I'd say fitful sleep is totally normal in your kind of circumstances.....
Been very, very naughty this evening. Bought myself a new bracelet. Second one I have bought this month. Its a leather and bead wrap bracelet. The last one I bought was in green on grey leather and it is really comfortable and covers up the worst of the scars on my wrist. This one is blue and opal on brown leather. I wear blue most of the time so I thought it would go better with my clothes (well thats my excuse anyway!!) (wasntme)
Slept a bit better last night. I think exaustion finally caught up with me.
Ember.... what a dog!!! This morning I open a can of special dog food (£1.50 a tin) Duck with plum. Looks fab, full of meat and real vegetables. I mix a little dry mixer with it.
What does she do????
She picks out a lump of meat and very carefully carries it away and places it on my seat on the sofa. Then she picks out the mixer and leaves the rest of the meat.... Doesnt she know there are dogs starving in the world who would give their canines for that meal???? ^)
I can understand you wanting something to conceal scars lovely.
Ember!!!
Well its naughty as do already have one but I could not resist.
http://www.victoriaemerson.co.uk/collections/wrap-bracelets/products/blue-opal-borealis-on-brown
Went out for a couple of hours to college, came home to find Ember had decided that the box of kindling was too tempting and she had pulled must of it out across the floor, selected a tasty bit and was chewing it up when I came in.
I had planned to go out to the office and do some work but I am on the sofa in the sitting room with Ember wedged against my right side and our cat Hazel wedged against the left. If I stood up they would roll together. (rofl) They are lovely and warm though so I dont feel the urge to move, I do however feel the urge to fall asleep with them. (snooze)
Crashed this morning. Everything is getting me down. Stupid things. My head is full of negative thoughts and I cant move on.
Things like next doors dog. The picture of the beautiful model on the front of the pack a new blouse was in. That my hair needs cutting but I am scared to have it done. That I dont have the energy to walk Ember. That a kid in the next village to where I used to live was knocked down and killed. That my daughters bf is moving in this weekend and has invited his parents over next weekend to meet me and see the house and its still a tip. That I have the studio to paint but I have no energy to do it. That I started painting the ceiling in the studio a week or so ago and only managed about 2 sq metres before I had to give up. That from next week I will have to do all the shopping and cooking for me and my son. That my bed needs changing but I cant face doing it. That I still have to write a massive presentation for the examiners next week. That my fish sculpture is now much drabber after final firing than I had wanted it to be (my tutor loves it though). That I want to cry but the tears wont come.
Aw Pen, you sound like you need someone to give you a huge hug (panda)(bear). Can you try working on 1 bit at a time? Maybe take an hour out of doing everything and just taking Ember for a walk (I'm hoping you don't have the rain we've had this morning) and blowing the cobwebs away a bit?
I just cant do anything today. After I got up, showered and dressed I went back to bed for 2 hours, everything is just too much. Did think about doing some drawing but the pencils are at the end of the coffee table and I just cant find the energy to reach them.
I did take Ember out though, we went to the closest field (about 5 mins away) and I threw her ball for her so we did get a bit of exercise.
Seriously thinking about going back to bed again now.
Well done for doing that. That's one thing off the list. Can you figure out what one, and only one, thing on your list you could do with doing today, do you think you can do at least part of that and forget about the rest today?
i've given up and gone back to bed. Listening to Dad's Army.
How are you doing now lovely?
Well I have tried to do something. I drove up to the chemist and got my weeks tablets then took Ember round to the park round the corner from there. Tried to fix my water feature AGAIN. (still dripping!!) but it has exhausted me. Daughter is cooking dinner for us all for the last time and I am crashed on the sofa again.
Ah. Everything is changing here from the 1st June.
BF is moving in this weekend.
All three "kids" will be paying me the same amount of rent each towards the bills.
In the case of my son that will include food and he and I will cook meals for each other.
In the case of daughter and BF they will be buying their own food and cooking (and hopefully cleaning up) their own meals. Daughters "rent" contribution up till now has been to do all the shopping but this has not always worked out well and I feel not always in my favour. Recently I have had to buy more and more stuff like bread, milk, butter and eggs as well as meals for me and my son when she is working late so this way I can get a fixed amount from her and try and control the shopping myself.
We still have to sort out who buys things like toilet rolls and cleaner and agree a cleaning rota and my son is convinced that we will fighting over the ketchup and the washing up but we see how this works out.
Fingers crossed it works out, sounds like a good plan
That sounds like a really good plan hunni.
magie06
29-05-15, 09:30 PM
It sounds like a great idea Pen. When I was younger and still living at home, I had to hand up part of my wages every week. It's no big deal. They will get used to it. Be strong and accept their rent every week on the same day, and don't accept any excuses.
I have insisted that they pay me monthly by direct debit that way it will get paid without them having to faff around.
They have been paying rent as I said my daughter did it through the shopping, my son does a bank transfer this will just make it fairer.
If I just went back to bed for the day would anyone care?
What did you end up doing Pen?
Walked the dog, fixed the water feature (hopefuly) took Dad out shopping. Came home and went to bed for the rest of the day.
It sounds like you did pretty well really. I hope the water feature is finally fixed!
So do I! Had a bad anxiety attack in the supermarket and could not cope with my own shopping, just managed to get Dad round and home.
Oh no, what do you think triggered that?
I think it was a combination of generally feeling poorly and the number of people in there. We have motorbike racing on the beach this weekend and the town is full of people.
you could do online shopping? It's my godsend tbh...
Yes I always used to till my daughter took over the shopping. Unfortunately I cant get Dad to do it so I have to take him. Also we have an Aldi 3 mins drive away so it would make sense to get as much as I could there and save money.
Hubby has just been down Asda to try and get the squash I drink (Its one of the few things I can drink that does not irritate my mouth.) Unfortunatly they have none... and I have one serving left.... devistated... ;(
Also it makes sense to keep going and keep facing that fear. I know it feels horrible at the time, but you were able to do your dad's shopping, which is great, and it shows you can do it.
Like you said, it was probably due to the crowds, also it was really hot yesterday which wouldn't have helped.
Hope you've found something else which doesn't irritate you...
Hubby tried his best. He came back with a concentrated version, but I have tried it before and its no substitute. However he also brought back some summer fruits for me to try and as a second best it is quite drinkable. I went back to Aldi today and bought enough stuff to get dinner tonight which I got my son to cook, I was OK till I got to the checkout and the huge queues, luckily the person in front of me saw I just had three items and offered for me to go first.
I know that Marc struggles with the queues in Aldi.
Glad you have a substitute though.
Still wobbling.... Went into college to hand in my artwork... AARRRGGGG First they wanted it in one room, then told it had to be in another, then told no, it has to back in the first room... All my course mates are on edge.
I have a slot for my presentation to the examiners 10am Wednesday.
Is your presentation ready to go? You can do this, you've done so well!
No. Been trying to write it for days but cant get a handle on it.
I usually just write a load of slides, starting with whatever comes to mind first, then work out the order afterwards. Basically, I start in the middle!
Everything we have done this year, how our research has formed our artwork, where this has lead our business plans and how we go forward from here.
That sounds like something that is think you'd enjoy.. Start at the beginning and go... Your artwork is amazing, you have your own studio, Facebook page.. Talk about your art on the beach.. You are so talented all you have to do is talk about it... Share your passion and vision...
Yes its just about putting it all together in a coherent way that will be interesting and informative
You can do it. I have faith in you.
URG my head is all over the place, even have a headache, I feel like death, just so tired and I need to pull this out of the hat. This presentation is worth quite a chunk of the final marks and apparently can also affect the marks of the other units. After yesterday with everyone comparing notes about how much they had (or had not) done I am sure that I have done really badly.
You say that a lot, then completely ace whatever work you're doing - I'm sure you'll be awesome as usual :)
Perhaps you should take a walk, take a notepad with you and just walk and let your thoughts come, rather than sitting at home trying to force them. Its almost like you have writer's block. When is the presentation?
OK it is written!! 23 slides, hopefully will take about 25 minutes. It has so many pictures in it that it is a massive file and I am currently uploading it slowly to Onedrive. I will download it onto the college computers in the morning, I no longer trust a flash drive or memory stick.
I had to go out for an hour and buy a new outfit as we have to wear "business attire" and I did not think that my old jeans would cut the mustard!
I had planned to get a haircut, and dye my hair before the session tomorrow, but that is not going to happen!!
At least after 10:30 tomorrow I can sit in the college coffee shop, relax and watch the others panicking. My friend L was supposed to be the first up tomorrow but I know that she has moved her slot so it maybe that I will be the first to get it out of the way.
Well done, and good luck tomorrow :)
Good luck Pen! Remember, you know your stuff and let your passion shine! You are awesome and we are all right behind you!
Thank you everyone. It went really well and the key tutor said it was fab.
(party) that's brilliant news! Well done x
Excellent! I hope you're doing something nice to celebrate?
You're awesome. Does this mean you are done? When do you get the result?
Went and had lunch at the cafe in the boatyard with three of my friends (not inc L!) and had a lovely time, I hope to keep contact with them. All the work to be marked has been handed in or presented. There is nothing more to do to get my grades. We still have to setup the show but that is just logistics and does not count in the marking. They will finish the marking early next week. Then the external verifier from Bath Spa University comes in and checks that he/she agrees with the marking that our tutors have done. Then we will get our grades next Thursday.
As you can imagine there is quite a bit of speculation going around about who will get firsts, and if anyone will fail. I suspect there will be some surprises next week.
Now dont know what to do with myself tonight... dum de dum....I could read a book, watch a film, do some housework... or create my new advertising materials. (giggle)
Wow! That's so exciting! Go for a walk with ember and then do something just for you!
Pen, you're truly an inspiration - absolutely amazing!
I would be pleased if I thought that my story inspires someone else that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel and that forced change though mental health problems is not always the end of the road, something good can come out of it. Over the last five years I have learnt a lot not just the college stuff but about people and their problems and I would like to think that actually my depression and breakdown has remodeled me into a better person. The japanese have a technique for repairing broken pottery called Kintsugi where they stick the broken pieces together with a special glue mixed with powdered gold. The repaired pieces are often more beautiful and valuable than the orginal unbroken pot. I would like to think of myself as a Kintsugi pot, you can see the cracks and scars but that adds to my value (rofl)
http://i1009.photobucket.com/albums/af219/penny_price1/kintsugi-heart_zpstsyuimxj.jpeg
That is beautiful! What a wonderful thing!
I was feeling very poetic this morning. :P
I loved the positivity of it!
Yes I think now I have a little more time on my hands I may write a blog for Moodscope on it.
Been rather stupid this afternoon. Did too much. Went to Asda, Boots, Lidl and Homebase. Spent far too much money in Homebase on plants. Now totally washed out. Too tired to get the new plants into the garden, too tired to do any more tiding and cleaning which I need to do before daughters BF's parents come to visit tomorrow, too tired to cook dinner and too tired to walk dog.
I hope you are at least having a little rest now? I also hope that your Daughter and her bf are going to help too hunnipie...
magie06
05-06-15, 06:05 PM
Can you skip dinner today and go straight to a takeaway? Maybe your daughter will walk the dog? Go to bed early and then you might have more energy for cleaning with your daughter tomorrow?
No, cooked dinner but it was a bit later than I had planned, I had forgotten I had invited two of my fellow students over, one of who wanted to have a look at my kiln to see if he could fit some of his future work in it (for a fee of course!). Cant get my daughter to walk the dog for love nor money so she did not get another walk today ,but she did have a good hour this morning. Daughter did clean up the kitchen a bit and wash the floor, however she then cooked a batch of cookies and got flour over the floor which is still there, so one step forward, one back! Cant get her to tidy my sitting room, its MY space and I dont want her rearranging things... Did manage to unpack two more boxes today (unpacking has taken a bit of back seat for a few months once we had the essentials done) I think we may have just one box left.
Sounds like you're really working on things which is really positive..
As hubby (who did not come over last night) would put it, I am on a downer this morning....
My water feature is leaking badly again, the new goldfish were down to 6 inches of water this morning... I have tried numerous things to fix it and they work for a day or so then it starts again.
Despite spending several hours tiding, my sitting room is still a dump. I cant let visitors see it like this. and of course I will have to meet the "inlaws" without hubby...
(bear) hunni. Is the water feature new? Can you take it back to where you got it from?
Hope the visit goes ok xx
Is the water feature new? Yes
Can you take it back to where you got it from? No... I built it myself from large plastic barrel planters and drainpipe I got from Homebase. (rofl)
I sealed the joints initially with drainpipe sealer. It is terrible stuff. I did not realise that it never really sets, it turns into a putty after about 48 hours. So you can push it back into the joints but eventually the pressure of water forces its way through. (It is also really horrible stuff to work with fresh out of the tube, if you get it on your hands, and it seems impossible not to, then the ONLY way to get it off is with white spirit). I then tried mixing ptfe plumbers tape into the sealer and forcing it into the join. That did not work. I then tried a special sealer tape, but the water worked its way through the glued side and oozed out the sides. I then arranged the tape to catch the drips on the non glued side and funnel them into the next barrel which worked really well for three days. Dont know what has happened now I will have to dismantle the thing again and come up with a plan E....
Oh what a nightmare! Would love to see it though!
OK, rediscovered and dusted areas of the house that I had forgotton about (including dusting two boxes of chocolates!)! Floor washed, rugs vacuumed, hairy sofa covered with clean throw, hall divested of months of junk mail that had piled up on the table, washing up done (BF did that one) dinning room table tidied and set straight (daughter did that one) cookies arranged on plate, stuff I have no idea what to do with pushed under chairs and sofa, dog poo picked up in the garden, rubbish cleared away.... Do you think they will suspect I have been trying too hard (rofl)
I thought I was doing well till bf told me that his mum vacuums and dusts the house and does two to three loads of washing every day. My place is still a pigsty compared with someone who does that much housework...(sweat)
Yeah, she might do that much, but I bet she hasn't just FINISHED a degree course, set up her own studio, dealt with her own mh illness, moved house and had her daughters boyfriend move in!
Well I survived.... It was hard going... Don't get me wrong she was nice but not a great talker, very private person, and I had to lead the conversation. If I asked her a question she would answer and not take it any further so there were a few awkward pauses.
Anyway I now have a very clean downstairs wonder if I can keep it like this for a week or so!!
magie06
06-06-15, 07:47 PM
Good job Pen. When you are fifty years married, you will still remember this day and shudder! Lol.
Well done, hunni, you've met, there's no need to do that again or a while :)
magie06
06-06-15, 08:18 PM
And bonus, you don't have to tidy your house for a while.
Good job Pen. When you are fifty years married, you will still remember this day and shudder! Lol.
Oh I well remember the first time I met my future MIL it was about 28 years ago. We had chatted for a while when she said "Oh let me show you something" She came back with a suitcase full of baby clothes she had knitted in the hope of having a grandchild sometime in the future to wear them.... I certainly knew what was expected of me if I was going to marry her son. (rofl)(rofl)
My blog got published by moodscope today and got some lovely responses so I am happy this morning.(inlove) it is always nice when I get printed.
http://moodscope.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/putting-pieces-together-again.html?utm_source=Daily+Emails&utm_campaign=e88893ee2a-Daily_email_7_6_20156_6_2015&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_a02ca09d7d-e88893ee2a-93277445
Congratulations on the publication...
Lovely blog, well done :)
Well done with the blog hun
Thank you. Feeling inspired to write another one tonight!
Hubby is annoying me at the moment. He turned up at 9:30 last night. At 10 we went to bed, I wanted to talk but he turned over and pulled the duvet over his head. At 8 this morning when we woke up he got up and went out. Turned up at 7.30 this evening made a cup of tea, watched me as I watered the garden, said goodbye and gone back home.
Had a restful day though. Walked the dog, potted up two pots of herbs, planted out 6 plants in the front garden, made four watering bottles (the ground out the front is so dry the water just runs off the bank) collected about 60Kg of garden clay from someone in Weston, had ANOTHER go at fixing the water feature (not leaking at the moment but we will give it a week before I am sure!), did some drawing, unpacked what I think is the last box, cooked vegetables for dinner (my son cooked the chicken) finished reading my book, watered the garden and had a nap.
Now I might back out and do a bit more drawing before bed.
Sounds like a busy day today hun
Wow that's a really busy day!
Did you get to talk to hubby at all? Seems like a shame when you didn't get to see him....
It sounds really busy but actually did feel quite restful (think)
Well we exchanged a few words, hugs, kisses then he was gone...
One more week at college then we are all finished, not really looking forward to it as it will so unstructured.
Well today has certainly not been restful... Went into college and spent the morning painting walls and putting up strips of brown paper over joints. Came home, did an hour of weeding the grass out the patio and then helped my daughter construct a 5 drawer tallboy and a double wardrobe from Ikea. Took us 4 and a half hours. Decided that neither of us could face cooking so made the boys order Chinese (although I am paying).
Painting walls?
Sounds like another really busy day!
Having "one of those days"
Nearly poured my cereal into my tea
Put the milk away without putting on my cereal even though was why I got it out.
Drank half a glass of squash thinking it does not taste right and is a strange colour only realise that it was not the flavour I thought I had poured.
Came in to make a cup of coffee as I was thirsty only to find a cup of tea I had made 10 minutes earlier sitting by the kettle.
Sorry hunni that made me lol :)
It seems to be in the air here in Weston. Took Dad shopping this afternoon. He put a can of soup in the trolley. I told him "that is everything on the list, anything else you need" and he says "Oh yes I need some soup" !!!!
Although at 89 I think we can allow him one or two senior moments!!
Lol! I'm wondering what excuse is for putting the cling film in the fridge?
These made me smile and it so like the things I do
Ember decided that I needed to get up at 6 this morning... I thought she needed to go out but she was not bothered and when I then sat on the sofa to drink my tea and eat my breakfast she curled up and went back to sleep... ARRRGGG I want to come back as a loved dog! I am trying so hard not to go back to bed and sleep as I know that will muck up my day but its tempting!!
On another note I noticed something odd last night. Since 2010 I have religiously done Moodscope and have a very comprehensive chart of my mood ups and downs over the years. Since September my mood has generally been pretty good with some dips. Most of these dips are just an odd bad day and I picked up again the next day, however some of these last three or four days and there is a pattern in these. Before Christmas I was getting a dip once a month sometime around the middle of the month. Since Christmas though the dips have become 10 weeks apart. If this really is a pattern then I can plan ahead to make sure that I am ready for the next one and maybe even be able to take actions to prevent it happening! By my calculations it would be due around August the 12th so we will see...
I think that's really interesting re the moodscope chart. It would be good to see if it tallies with your prediction...
Bless Ember lol
It would be brill if you could have an idea of when the dips are due ....
Hopefully they will get further apart too. Could it be hormone related?
I think the ones before Christmas could be hormones but not the ones since.
Had to go into college and talk to the examiner with a group of others about the course (what would we improve about the course that sort of stuff) I am now home and I feel really unsettled, like I have said too much.. sort of dirty and anxious....
Made a cup of tea, stood there for about 30 seconds with a teaspoon in each hand trying to remember which one I was using to make my tea before I realised that the spoon I was using was in the cup.
Whatever you have said, its said now. I often worry about that sort of thing too. But then I get anxious if I haven't been able to say everything I wanted to. So, its kind of a losing battle.
Do you have many more days at college?
No. Tomorrow, Friday and Monday I am clearing out the rest of my stuff and setting up my pieces for the exhibition which has its grand opening at 6:00pm on Tuesday (best dress job!! terrifying as there will be a few thousand people coming including the great and the good from town and the press!) Then its just a matter of going in with friends over the next 9 days to show them exhibition, sitting around drinking coffee with them and a bit of stewarding/security work whilst the exhibition is on to keep sticky fingers off the paintings and stuff like that. On Friday 26th June we collect all our work and then thats it.... we go forth to darken the doors no more....
I thinks you're amazing, you've faced a lot of your triggers doing this course and you've got through, with flying colours!
When do you get your results?
June the 18th. I am getting really anxious about opening night, I really aught to be there to promote my business but at the moment I am wondering if I can hide under the duvet that evening...
Go! Enjoy hearing everyone saying such awesome things about your work!
I agree - enjoy your moment in the limelight :)
Spent the afternoon hanging around college waiting to set my piece up. Still not happened.
Got dragged in to help setup L's though. The tutor setting it up was too scared to go and fetch her stuff incase it got damaged, he though that I might not get the wrath as much. I had to bite my tongue when setting up, I really did not want to do it as I am sure that she will think we have done it wrong and she will complain. But hey, everyone is complaining. It happens every year. We all have a picture in our heads of how and what we want to exhibit but ultimately it comes down to the tutors and what they want and it is never what we have in our heads. I have been told tonight that my fish sculpture is going on a plinth to give it some height, again not what I had in mind but I have done this enough times to just roll with it. As long as it gets displayed I will be happy. It will mean that we have to make and paint a plinth tomorrow morning but they are going to make the plinth for me, I will just have to go and help paint, which I think I can cope with.
Although we have to wait till next week for the grades we have been told that everyone has passed and the external examiner was very impressed by the high standard of all the work.
Doesn't seem fair that you've been spending your day sorting her stuff out though!
Congratulations on passing! (Although we knew you would!!)
Can't wait to see pics!
Not happy....
Yesterday was pants.... The piece did not want to go together and I ended up breaking some of it up strategically with a hammer to make it fit. Even so the sides had slumped so much that they would not fit and left bog gaps round the edge. The end result is PANTS!!!
Today has not been much better. Some time ago my daughter said that she and BF would help me with the decorating in the studio. This morning I asked if she would help me. Of course she had other things to do so I was grumpy. She got upset and grumpy too and hit the vodka bottle. Now we are not talking....
Oh pics are here.
http://s1009.photobucket.com/user/penny_price1/slideshow/Summer%20Show%202015
That looks amazing! Maybe the key with your daughter is to ask her the weekend before?
wow you're really talented :)
It's awesome, hunni :)
Ummm she was drinking this morning?
Oh yes she was on her second vodka and orange by 11:30.
She is OK today, we are on good terms again.
Yesterday we took my Dad out for fathers day (Yes I know its not till this Sunday but he is 89 and if he says that fathers day is on the 14th then its on the 14th!!) Somehow we got round to talking about school days and he said that he had his picture taken with the rest of the school in 1936 when he was a first year and it was hung on the school wall along with all the other photos of previous years. Well it was a long shot but last night I emailed the school and I was amazed to get a reply on a Sunday night. The picture is still there outside the heads study (along with a lot more since). I am astounded but its nice to know that in this ever changing world some things stay the same and I am sure that Dad will be tickled to know that a picture of his 11 year old self is still hanging around and will still be there long after he has gone.
That's lovely - do you think they email you a scan of it?
I was thinking the same as Paula I wonder if they would even let you pay for a copy that you could frame for your dad
The administrator has forwarded my email to the librarian so I am hopeful I may yet get a copy of it.
Hubby is driving me nuts again. He has now decided that he is NOT going to sell his house and his brother can go whistle for his money....
That sounds promising for the picture hunni
Has your husband said why he has changed his mind? or has his brother done something to annoy him so this is his reaction?
I think the problem is the brother that he lives with, M. M's health is not good, he cannot walk far now without having to stop to get his breath and hubby says when he washes M's socks that there is a sticky discharge in them although M has not said anything. I think M does not want to live anywhere else and cannot face a move and hubby is worried that moving will cause M too much stress. I also think that hubby just cannot deal with the idea of leaving the place either, I think that they both expect to live out all their lives in that house. Anyway I have passed on the message to the other brothers solicitor and we will wait for the escalating fireworks. It is possible that if it goes to court that a judge may rule in hubbys and M's favour.
It can be hard, does his brother get any help at all through gp's etc or social services if his health is bad? by the sound of it M needs to see a gp about that discharge and that might be a good oportunity for your husband to talk to the gp at the same time if he goes with him
I take it the house was left to the three brothers equally, but with no specific instructions about when it should be sold?
In my own opinion, I think your husband should sell and give his brother his share. You had to do it with your house after all!
My uncle lives in my grandfather's house and if my grandfather passes away, he could presumably stay in the house and block the sale. That's very worrying.
Oh hunni, what a horrible situation. I knew M wasn't well but didn't realise he was that bad, and can completely understand why your husband is worried about the impact on his health if they move. (bear) to you all
It can be hard, does his brother get any help at all through gp's etc or social services if his health is bad? by the sound of it M needs to see a gp about that discharge and that might be a good oportunity for your husband to talk to the gp at the same time if he goes with him
He does get medication for his heart but I dont know when he last saw the Dr. I told Hubby that he needs to get him looked at but if M does not want to go then you cant force him...
I also doubt that he would let hubby go into the Dr's with him.
I take it the house was left to the three brothers equally, but with no specific instructions about when it should be sold?
In my own opinion, I think your husband should sell and give his brother his share. You had to do it with your house after all!
It was split 4 ways, my kids have a share between them which is why I am involved as their share was in trust until they were 18. As for selling well you are preaching to the choir, but its not my house and I have very little influence over hubby, especially when it comes to his brother, he feels very responsible for him. But also hubby and M do not like change and whilst they would like to magic up the money for S they also do not want to sell the house that they have lived in all their lives.
Hubby keeps doing the lottery every week in the hope that he will win enough money. Last week he got 3 numbers on the Eurolottery he was quite excited till he went to claim his winnings - £8.50....
Pen, what do your kids think about this? Do you think perhaps they could use their influence on their dad to get this sorted out?
At their age I imagine that money would really really come in handy.
Oh I am sure it would, but they dont have that sort of relationship with their Dad. He would not talk to them about it, and they would be too scared of upsetting him to bring it up themselves. Neither of the kids want to force their Dad to do something he does not want to do and if he wants to stay in the house then they will back him.
Zombie this morning... Overslept after some really weird dreams about being in a psychiatric hospital then being a spy and was then woken by Dad ringing to say that he wanted to be picked up later tomorrow... Today I have so much to do and I am barely functioning.
I have to print off 100 + flyers
Take my daughter to the docs
Collect flyer holders from Staples
Finish setting up exhibition
Update my diary with all the times I have agreed to steward the show
Dye my hair
Walk the dog twice
Cook my son something to eat for tonight
tart myself up
and get to the opening of my exhibition by 6:30 tonight.
Can I just go back to bed?
Awww hun, busy day today,
Thinking of you today - have fun at the exhibition
magie06
16-06-15, 09:56 AM
Busy day for you. Best of luck for the exhibition tonight.
Really dreading tonight. My best friend was going to come with me and give me some moral support, but she has been called away to look after her grandsons.
magie06
16-06-15, 10:51 AM
You've done all you can for now. Just let your hair down and go with the flow. Seriously you'll be great.
I think you're much stronger than you think Pen. If things get too much at the exhibition, take a breather outside or hide in the loo.
Could one of your kids come with you for moral support? Or your husband? (I know this is a long shot!)
I'm sure once you are there hun things will be fine
Everyone has let me down... My daughter said she would come but she is feeling unwell. Hubby of course is in Wales. So just me....
It's not just you, there'll be your tutors and the other exhibitionists (;)) there. I can understand your nerves but it'll be great. Good luck, lovely
Good luck hun, am sure you will be busy and having fun
You're in my thoughts, if that helps? I hope it goes well.
OMG so many people, so hot.... Not sure it would have made any difference if I had been there or not really, but I did catch up with some classmates. I am such an introvert though that I could not hang out with them, I needed my space. Stuck it out till the last hour though. Everyone was crowding round L's work most people just gave mine a curtesy glance. I am OK though, to be honest about 98% of the people there would be friends and relatives of the artists exhibiting and so the only pieces they really wanted to see would be the ones made by them. I am hoping that as the week goes on I may get more interest.
I have retreated to the peace of my upstairs studio at the moment as I needed some silence... except that there is a rescue helicopter buzzing around.
Well done for going and doing it. Your fish sculpture is amazing, I am surprised more people didn't stop to look.
magie06
16-06-15, 09:33 PM
Well done you. Look at what you were able to do tonight. I'm very proud that you were able to go through with it.
See? You. Are. Awesome :)
I have spent all day sitting in the college coffee shop stewarding the artwork there. All afternoon I have been drawing. We had about 20-30 people through. I am absolutely exhausted and all I have done is sit around....
It can be draining just doing that hun to be honest
You're doing brilliantly - I couldn't manage sainsburys today so am in awe of what you've achieved
Not good tonight. Every little noise is upsetting me, next doors dog is yapping, daughters bf has the tv on in their room. It is all making me so anxious and I am out of medication. I am hiding from people at the moment. One of my friends rang about meeting up tomorrow but I just could face picking the phone up, or replying to their voice message. I have to sit in the coffee shop till next Thursday, talking to people and being nice and as an introvert it is draining me.
Tomorrow we get our grades. I don't know that I want to know. At the moment I can convince myself that I have done alright, but tomorrow I find out the truth and I think I am going to be disappointed.
(panda) you're tired, fed up with people around you and worried about tomorrow. It's ok to feel rough with all that going on. You're on the last straight ...... Can you not go in for the day on Friday maybe?
Can you ring your gp and see if you can get a prescription quickly hun, Hope the result tomorrow go well hun
(panda) you're tired, fed up with people around you and worried about tomorrow. It's ok to feel rough with all that going on. You're on the last straight ...... Can you not go in for the day on Friday maybe?
Unfortunately someone has to be there every day and very few of my classmates have committed themselves to help. In the area where my work is there is also a video installation and I have to turn it on every day.
Can you ring your gp and see if you can get a prescription quickly hun, Hope the result tomorrow go well hun
I have a prescription request in but I wont be able to get the tablets till Friday, providing they let me have them. I am not supposed to get these on repeat but I have no hope of seeing my doctor and last time they did sign them off without me seeing anyone.
Feel like death this morning. Slept from 8 till 9 last night then from 10 till 3 then 3.30 till 6. Ember woke me at 3, I thought she wanted to go out but she just wanted a cuddle. She then decided that she would sleep pressed hard against my back. I love having her so close, I get a lot of comfort from her, however when she pushes so hard I cant move so I woke at 6 in agony with my back in a spasm. I had to get up and try and get it moving but I am still going around like an old woman.
Mentally I am a mess as well. I just had a look at few of the other threads but I cant add comments as I am so low myself.
Puggysusan
18-06-15, 09:08 AM
Thank you Pen just read your post.i have not posted on here for a while. I finished a years counselling at christmas and have tried hard every day as I have learnt the tools to help me but when things start getting heated like a woman at work who picked on one of our colleagues and we are all wary of her and our son who I want completely out of my life who comes back when he wants something I get very tired and no energy but my anger has soared and I loose it completely how do you cope with the mood swings when you see either of these people who I can't stand ?
I feel I need to be doing better but the depression when it comes seems worse than the last it fells like you fall deeper than catch yourself before you fall xx
Oh Peggysusan, its difficult when you have people like that in your life. Dont beat yourself up when you have bad days, everyone has them. Eventually it does get better.
Got my results today....
Could not believe it....
Still convinced I am really asleep and this is just a long dream...
Got a first..... 1:1
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy well done hunni, that is brilliant, I am so pleased for you.
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are amazing!!!! Well done!!!!! :)
A HUGE THANKS to everyone on here for helping me through I could not have got through without all of my support network over the last few years.
I remember reading your intro post (you joined a few weeks before me).
Now look how far you have come, its amazing, and it gives me such hope.
I hope you get a chance to celebrate your results!
Well the boys are all out, so my daughter and I are going to have a girls night in. A takeaway, a movie and the giant cream buns she bought to celebrate!
Woohooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Knew you would (party)(party)(party)(party)(party)
Oh no. Daughters BF has come home... girls night in is in danger!!
Relegate him to his bedroom or another room for a few hours hun xx
He's had a bad day so daughter is spending the evening with him. She did buy me dinner though. I will finish watching the avengers (uk 1960's version) then go off to bed with my book.
:( can you book to go out at the weekend?
No she has to work all weekend. I dont mind, i am not worried about celebrating.
My Dad wants to "take us all out for a meal" to celebrate, he has vouchers for an Indian in town (Tried to tell him that it is NOT a Chinese but I don't think I got through to him). I don't want to go. Firstly I really don't feel like celebrating, I don't see the point. Secondly I don't want to sit around in a crowded restaurant. Third I probably wont be able to eat anything off the menu anyway as it will all have chilli in it. Forth although Dad says he will "buy us a meal" he never really has any idea what these things cost so will expect that £40 will cover a meal in a restaurant for 5 of us and I will have to pay the difference, and at the moment I really don't want to squander money that I need to keep to pay the bills on something that I did not want to go to in the first place.
I think you should celebrate. But I think you should do it in a way you actually enjoy!
Yep, Rose is right (as usual ;))
LOL! I will remember you said that Paula ;)
I just dont feel like celebrating. My best friend came by with a bottle of champaign.i did not have heart to remind her i dont drink!
Why not, lovely? You've worked so hard for this, and have come out with the best result you could! If I were you I'd be dancing down the street. You're awesome! And you can get your business going knowing you are amazingly qualified to do it
magie06
19-06-15, 03:45 PM
Congratulations on your achievement. You must be so proud of yourself. All that hard work and long hours, have come to fruition. You are ready now to take the next step in your life. What are you going to do now?
Well I came home and had a cry. Does that count.
Had a bit of leftover Chinese for dinner.
Now off to bed.
Can I perhaps suggest that actually you are sad the course is over and a little bit scared about the next step?
Wow! Congratulations on your result!!!
I dont know Rose. I think the thing that is really dragging me down at the moment is the person that I guess I really want to care, give me a big hug and say how proud he is of me just is so dismissive of it all. He has not even mentioned it since he came home. Just wanted to talk about the new site they will start next week and show me the pictures of the finished bungalow they have just finished. The only reference he has made to my artwork is to ask if I have finished making the plaque for the new bungalow and why it has taken so long. He got up this morning whilst I was in the shower and by the time I got out he had gone. He has gone to mow the garden of the lady who died a few weeks ago and then trim the wisteria off the roof of another old lady's cottage.
I am thinking I need to get away, I may just pack a bag when I get back and take off to cornwall for a few days, get some headspace. He probably would not notice I had gone.
I'd find that really hard too hunni... (panda) I'm so thrilled for you, but it's not the same. Can you talk to him about it?
And say what?.... if he is not interested what difference does it make? I dont want him to pretend to be excited when it obviously does not mean anything to him. and I dont want to make him feel guilty that he is not interested.
No I will just leave him to it and go away.
Oh hunni (panda) Maybe he just doesn't know how to show he's thrilled for you? I know Marc's rubbish at things like that too....
I find men can find it hard to show emotion at times hunni, Jay my partner gets told straight if I think he needs to show something whether sympathy, joy or sadness etc
Well I have left him with a note and a hungry dog, I need some space away from having to look after everyone and act as their maid. If I dont nag they dont do, and I have had enough. I dont suppose hubby will be home much before dark tonight anyway so he wont miss me.
Take care of yourself, hunni (bear)
Are you going off for a break? Are you OK?
Yes I am fine. I went down to Tiverton and had a walk alongside the canal, then had a bit of dinner in MacDonalds and booked into a B & B for the night. It was a lovely place tucked away up a hill, there was no noise at all, apart from the chap who sat outside my window gently strumming his guitar until dark. It also had no internet or phone signal so I had to just relax and do some drawing. Slept really well (from midnight till 7:30) and then I discovered a full cooked breakfast was included in the price so pigged out.
Then I came home and made my peace with my distraught hubby and we went out to the car boot together and he bought me lunch.
Still not feeling 100% but the tiny break did help. I will certainly be going back there sometime!
That's sounds great, hunni, but please, please, please tell your hubby or daughter if you're going - it's not fair on them to have that fear and worry
You wrote them a note didn't you Pen? I am glad you had a good time :) I think it might have done your hubby some good too ;)
You had your little celebration then :) Like I said, do something you want to do, and you did!
Yes i left them note.
Sorry hunni, I missed that somehow.
Glad you had a good night hunni!
Arggg. Not well again, anxiety has been eating me most of the day, and only managed to get a few hours of work done.
Hunni can you do something that relaxes you or go for a walk and get some fresh air
Nothing seems to make much difference today. Went for a walk, did some drawing watched some TV listened to the radio.
Hey hunni, do you know what's caused the anxiety? Could it be the "come down" (as my husband calls it) after the huge stress and pressure of your degree and now not really having that structure or deadlines?
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