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The_Scientist
31-01-15, 12:22 PM
so it seems joining up here and talking things out is helping immensely. i feel less isolated and more connected, and i'm doing things more. tentatively i'll say i'm feeling better. i fully expect a relapse at some point (it's just how it seems to work with me) and we'll see how i feel once the show is ovwer and i go back to work, but for now things are on the up.

rose
31-01-15, 03:47 PM
Good to hear :) Sometimes talking, even if its not about depression, really helps.

Angie
31-01-15, 03:56 PM
Glad to hear this hun.

S deleted
31-01-15, 04:24 PM
great news. This place is a god send. Some awesome folk here.

Suzi
31-01-15, 05:33 PM
So glad that we could be of help! Well done you!

new2015
31-01-15, 09:08 PM
Cautious optimism is OPTIMISM which is always fantastic :) I'm happy for you

Chroniko
02-02-15, 02:23 PM
Well done. It is pretty brave of you to say you are feeling even a little better in the face of what you consider to be a possible relapse. Try to remember how you feel right now not as a rarity, but perhaps as something you have always been capable of all along. :)

The_Scientist
14-02-15, 11:27 AM
the slump happened, but it wasnt as bad as i was expecting. yesterday i felt ore myself than i have done in a long time and today i dont feel like the rain cloud is still there. i'm bummed out about valentines day, but that's nothing new. i think it's looking up

Paula
14-02-15, 01:57 PM
the slump happened, but it wasnt as bad as i was expecting. yesterday i felt ore myself than i have done in a long time and today i dont feel like the rain cloud is still there. i'm bummed out about valentines day, but that's nothing new. i think it's looking up

You've stepped on my point there ;) I was going to say ups and downs are natural in everybody's lives and I'm do glad you're seeing some light :)

The_Scientist
14-02-15, 03:04 PM
i think haing made a firm decision about the masters helped immensely (i really like that word at the moment for some reason). there's much still to do, but at least im not trying to go through multiple doors at once.

Suzi
14-02-15, 10:16 PM
So glad that you have been looking up.

The_Scientist
20-06-15, 11:54 PM
i'm gonna go ahead and say i'm back here again :)

Suzi
21-06-15, 11:40 AM
Good!

purplefan
21-06-15, 12:44 PM
Really good to here from you again mate. I hope things continue to improve.

Paula
21-06-15, 01:52 PM
Cautiously optimistic is good, very good :)

The_Scientist
24-06-15, 10:33 PM
the only thing i will say is that yeah, i feel better, but i'm still bored. i've got little interest in doing solitary things like painting, watching tv etc, and i just want to go out and do things with people. audio books are helping a little, as is spotify, but i need more human interaction, and for the moment that's not forthcoming.

Suzi
25-06-15, 01:14 PM
Can you not arrange to meet up with people?

The_Scientist
26-06-15, 12:48 AM
had a go, but people are either working when im free, or in general not up for doing anything, especially not at short notice. that said, i did go out this evening, saw Jurassic World (which was absurdity distilled and i loved it).

Paula
26-06-15, 09:55 AM
Is there anything you've always fancied doing that you can give a go to get you out of the house?

Suzi
26-06-15, 11:41 AM
What about arranging something for another night?

The_Scientist
01-07-15, 11:25 AM
so the interview went well, i should hear back today or tomorrow, and i have somewhere to live from September :) now just to apply for the funding loan/wait to hear back about the scholarship. all is well :)

Suzi
01-07-15, 04:18 PM
Wow that's brilliant!

The_Scientist
01-07-15, 05:24 PM
i'm through to the next stage :)

Paula
01-07-15, 05:29 PM
i'm through to the next stage :)

(party)(party)(party)

Suzi
01-07-15, 06:03 PM
Hoorah!!

magie06
01-07-15, 06:18 PM
Well done. You must be delighted.

The_Scientist
02-07-15, 01:16 PM
truly i am :)

The_Scientist
09-08-15, 11:56 PM
well i'm back. I thought about putting an update in the coping section, but this seemed more positive.

first off, I got the job. it's 10 hours a week during term time, which covers my rent at least. i'll have to get a shift or 2 elsewhere to cover food and bills, but that's doable. i'm keeping my current job open for the time being in case I want to pop back for the holidays and need work, but it'll likely be minimal hours for my own sake. in the meantime, I have 2 shifts left.

the ex boyfriend situation, when it came to it, wasn't actually as difficult to deal with as I though it would be. long and short of it is I may end up bumping into him at a mutual fiends birthday thing and naturally ran through the possible ways that could go. I decided the most likely was that he'll be pathetic, and i'll probably get angry in response, but it's not worth letting him ruin my night, which ultimately serves as a metaphor for the entire situation. I may choose not to go to this event to avoid causing a scene or to avoid having to avoid causing one, but I think i'll end up deciding on the night.

overall my mood has been a lot better. the lack of emotional response to things seems to come from genuine boredom rather than from depression, as I'm realising that theres not actually a lot around here that holds my interest or means much to me, and the friends I have here are no longer very important to me. that said, I think there may be a kind of warm up period in social situations where I'm having to ease into it mentally and emotionally, if that makes any sense at all. it's not really that I cant feel anything, its more that I'm zoning in and out, both mentally and emotionally.

I'm still getting the low points, but they seem to be more focused now, and I'm attempting to get back in touch with my therapist to work through them. its mainly self esteem and trust issues that I think have some root in childhood experiences. I might make a thread about them, we'll see.

overall, vast improvement :)

Paula
10-08-15, 12:15 AM
That's wonderful to hear :)

Angie
10-08-15, 06:42 AM
That does sound wonderful x

Suzi
10-08-15, 08:45 AM
I'm so pleased for you that all sounds really positive!

The_Scientist
16-08-15, 09:20 PM
gotta be honest though, now the packing has started and it's all rather imminent, I'm beginning to feel just a tad overwhelmed

Paula
16-08-15, 09:33 PM
You'll be great! When is it all happening?

The_Scientist
16-08-15, 09:51 PM
my friend's wedding is a 5 day event happening Wednesday til sunday (packing for that now), and then I move on the 1st sept and start my new job on 7th, course starts on the 21st.

magie06
16-08-15, 09:57 PM
Wow, what a week. Packing can be difficult at the best of times, without the excitement of a new job as well. You will be great. Enjoy the wedding and best of look in the new job.

The_Scientist
16-08-15, 10:02 PM
I would feel less stressed if I hadn't just come back from a few days in London to see my aussie friend (which was amazing!) and if people weren't hogging the washing machine.

but thanks all, i'm excited :)

purplefan
17-08-15, 12:05 PM
I am so happy for you mate. It is about time you had a bit of happiness and getting out of that awful situation.
Grab that future with both hands.

Suzi
18-08-15, 01:39 PM
Such lovely news!

The_Scientist
01-12-15, 08:57 PM
well i'm still here. i might be swtiching the course to part time so i can afford minor things like rent, and it's possibly been the most intense 3 months of my life, but i've almost made it through the first term :)

Suzi
01-12-15, 09:22 PM
Oh wow it's lovely to hear from you! How are things?

The_Scientist
01-12-15, 10:10 PM
i've been up and down, but i've been having regular meetings with the wellbeing centre on campus which hve helped keep me grounded. grades have been mixed, but i'm passing which is the main thing. i guess you could say i'm still having minor issues with the whole casual sex thing, but i've been safe and i'm now making much more of an effort to actually meet someone for keeps, which has been difficult considering i'm 3-6 years older than most people here.

it's been pretty lonely and there have definitely been times when i've questioned all of my life choices and wondered if i'd made the right decision or bitten off more than i can chew, but overall i'm glad i'm here. my mooid hasnt been half as consistent as it was just before i left but the average is better. i'm startng to get that end of term feeling where i just want to go home for a bit, which i'm doing in 2 weeks. i've got work to be doing over the holidays which is fine, it'll give me something to do but it'll be nice to have to adult less.

weirdly i managed to forget a lot of the stuff i'd learnt and built up to keep me going before i left, which i think is partly why i've struggled this term, but i'm sorting that out and putting it all back in place again :)

The_Scientist
01-12-15, 10:21 PM
it perhaps sums it all up that you've caught me just as i'm dancing around the kitchen in my pjs to show tunes while waiting for a cobbled together meal to cook :P

OldMike
02-12-15, 10:15 AM
it perhaps sums it all up that you've caught me just as i'm dancing around the kitchen in my pjs to show tunes while waiting for a cobbled together meal to cook :P

Dancin', cookin' & postin' on this forum you sure are a multitalented multitasker. Glad to hear you're slowly getting things sorted. (nod)

Paula
02-12-15, 04:57 PM
Great to see you back :)

Hugo-agogo
02-12-15, 10:16 PM
Hey Scientist, it's good to see you on the boards again :) Glad to hear you are doing well even if things haven't been easy!

The_Scientist
01-01-16, 08:14 AM
i think i've just made an incredibly stupid and terrible mistake. i've slaved all night over a hot computer to get this esssay done. i literally haven't slept. i had an extension and it's due to be emailed in at 11 am today. except i've just looked at the cover sheet and i've got the dates wrong. i thought the original deadline was the 11th, but it's the 7th, meaning with the extension i shoudl've had it in last monday. no one's in the office until 5th jan but if they don't accept it, i've pretty much failed the course. i can't believe i've done it. not quite sure what to do now...

Mira
01-01-16, 08:33 AM
That is real unfortunate. And I know how things like this can make a person feel. But try to relax about it. There is not much you can do about it at the moment. As soon as you can speak with them you can explain the situation and see what can be done.

The_Scientist
01-01-16, 08:46 AM
i'm not sure anything can be done tbh. but you're right. i'm gonna try and get some sleep.

Suzi
01-01-16, 10:26 AM
Oh no! That's a crap thing to happen - can you contact your tutor (even via email) and let them know what's going on?

The_Scientist
01-01-16, 11:55 AM
Oh no! That's a crap thing to happen - can you contact your tutor (even via email) and let them know what's going on?

well i've copied him into the email i sent handing it in. both he and the admin person are rather scatty so i might he ok. thing is, they cant be seen to be giving me special trreatment or anything, so i really don't know how it's going to go. but what a waste if it causes me to fail :(

Paula
01-01-16, 11:57 AM
Welf's right, nothing can be done now til Tuesday. I know it's hard, but try to put it to the back of your mind til you know what can be done - but follow up your email by calling them Tuesday (bear)

The_Scientist
01-01-16, 01:44 PM
Welf's right, nothing can be done now til Tuesday. I know it's hard, but try to put it to the back of your mind til you know what can be done - but follow up your email by calling them Tuesday (bear)

yeah, i'll be able to drop in tuesday. im feeling better after a sleep. if i get away with then fine. if i fail the module but can still pass the course, fine. if its an instafail, ill still be enrolled so ill carry on but with the pressure off, and keep working some more and apply for proper things. i'm not gonna roll over and die over it.

The_Scientist
01-01-16, 07:03 PM
fmy tutor emailed back and i think it's all ok

OldMike
01-01-16, 07:29 PM
fmy tutor emailed back and i think it's all ok

Cool, I'm glad it looks as if your assignment will be ok.

Paula
01-01-16, 08:47 PM
Good :)

Suzi
01-01-16, 09:35 PM
Excellent!

The_Scientist
19-06-16, 09:28 PM
just a quick update, exams are all done now, I just have my thesis to do over summer. that's off to a slow start but we're getting there.

moods been fairly up and down of late, but i'm putting that down to both exams and a sudden loss of structure in the course, i'll soon get there. I've been on the look out for potential dates and whatnot, met up with a couple of guys but it didn't work out for several reasons. on the whole I'm remaining positive but i'm still getting the lingering sense of feeling fat and ugly and boring. I *know* it's not true but it's hard to shake. I'm still going for regular appointments with the wellbeing bloke which is helping.

to add to frustrations, my bike got stolen fro outside my house last week and because it was chained up outside and not inside, it's not covered by insurance, but I guess it's not the end of the world.

Paula
19-06-16, 11:47 PM
Sounds generally positive? Well done on completely your exams

Suzi
20-06-16, 07:30 AM
It's lovely to hear from you! I was hoping that things were doing OK!

OldMike
20-06-16, 08:49 AM
Glad to hear from you Liam and that things are moving in a positive direction.